LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, 

BI \^f- 

Chap, Copyright No. 

ShelfAlYV«5 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



1 



CUPID'S VICTORY. 



YOUTH'S EDUCATOR 



FOR 



HOME AND SOCIETY, 



Being a Manual of Correct Deportment for Boys and Girls 
as well as for Older Ones Who Have Been Denied 
the Privileges and Benefits Arising from Social 
Intercourse, with Choice Chapters upon 
Kindred Topics. 



'TBUB POLITENESS is perfect ease and freedom. It simply consists in treating 
others just as you love to be treated yourself." 

—Chesterfield. 



Formerly Editor "Young Folks' Monthly," Associate Editor "Western 
Rural," Etc., Etc. 




By MRS. ANNA R. WHITE, 



MONfVRCti BOO.K COMPANY, q i „ 



PUBLISHED ONLY BY | JAf 




3 



1 1 



Formerly L. P. MILLfcR & CO. ^ ]' 

CHICAGO. PHILADELPHIA. OAKLAND, CAL. 




* 



PREFACE. 

This book, "Youth's Educator for Home and So- 
ciety," is designed as a manual of correct deportment, not 
only for young people just entering society, but for the many 
older ones who have so often felt the want of proper infor- 
mation upon this subject. Our aim has been to make it 
simple, practical and reliable, omitting the technique of eti- 
quette and confining ourselves to the forms and usages of 
true gentlemen and ladies. 

Its classification is such that any subject treated in its pages 
can be readily found. Not only have we embraced the forms 
current in good society (except among those who make 
society their all), but we have treated kindred topics as fully 
and as clearly as our limited space would allow. We have 
tried not to forget that good sense is always good form, in 
the parlor as well as in the counting room, and have avoided 
all that savors of affectation. 

With the conviction that we have prepared a complete and 
valuable work for the every day use of young and old we 
send this volume forth upon the great sea of public opinion, 
there to battle for the simple grace, the manly bearing, the 
kindly spirit and the true politeness which we hope may be 
the inheritance of the rising generation. Should it meet a 
kindly reception our labors shall not have been in vain 

The Publishers. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 
Value of Etiquette.. , 

CHAPTER II. 
Home Manners 

CHAPTER III. 
A Few Words to the Children 

CHAPTER IV. 
In the Street 

CHAPTER V. 
Salutations 

CHAPTER VI. 
Washington Etiquette 

CHAPTER VII. 
Introductions 

CHAPTER VIII. 
Going into Society , 

CHAPTER IX. 
Parties, Balls, and Like Entertainments. 

CHAPTER X. * 
Traveling Manners 

CHAPTER XL 
Conversation an Art 

CHAPTER XII. 
Wedding Customs 

CHAPTER XIII. 
In the Dining Room , 




jr - 




CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER XIV. 
Table Manners 172 

CHAPTER XV. 
Gentlemen's Calls 185 

CHAPTER XVI. 
Ladies' Calls 199 

CHAPTER XVII. 
The Timid, the Awkward and Shy 212 

CHAPTER XVIII. 
The Guest Chamber 225 

CHAPTER XIX. 
Eetter Writing 236 

CHAPTER XX. 
Taste and Harmony in Dress 252 

CHAPTER XXI. 
The Boys and Girls at Home ; 268 

CHAPTER XXII. 
Etiquette of Visiting 276 

CHAPTER XXIII. 
A Short Chapter on Business 288 

CHAPTER XXIV. 
Parents and Children 295 

CHAPTER XXV. 
Miscellaneous Rules of Etiquette 305 

CHAPTER XXVI. 
Home Courtesies 316 

CHAPTER XXVII. 
Toilet Recipes 322 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 
The Etiquette of Cycling 343 





INTRODUCTORY. 



A subject which has been handled in many ways, and by 
many minds, always presents difficulties to one who attempts 
to set it forth in a new light. And yet the theme of out 
book is susceptible of many new thoughts, and man} 
changes of old thoughts which are of value to the reader. 

The etiquette of polite society changes so materially in 
some phases, and with such marked contrast among differ- 
ent peoples and periods, that it is almost a hopeless task to 
formulate rules that shall absolutely govern with the same 
unchangeability that stamped the laws of the Medes and 
the Persians. 

The nearest approach to such a task is to give to the in- 
quirer those usages and forms which prevail in good soci- 
ety, and which, with slight modifications, are adapted to 
any part of the habitable globe. And while these rules are, 
in their general contour, applicable to any position in life, 
the good sense and knowledge of fitness of things, will 
help to a comprehension of those exceptional occasions, 
when even the etiquette which obtains everywhere, can be 
changed in a slight degree, without marring the force of 
the custom as usually accepted. The fact that the rules of 
good behavior are current everywhere, is based on their be- 
ing the outgrowth of something more substantial than mere 
forms. They are grounded in that kindness of heart, that 
unselfish desire to make one'self agreeable and attractive, 
which must have a piace with all, ere they can lay claim to 
being truly polite. 

4 



INTRODUCTORY. 



5 



Life brings a discipline to all ; a discipline which bears 
directly upon every human being, making it his duty to be 
acceptable to his fellow-creatures. And unless certain 
tenets of good behavior are acknowledged and indorsed 
by society, how is-the novice to know when he has trespassed 
upon good manners ? 

The deepest thinkers all unite in pronouncing human 
nature essentially selfish. But, by studying the rules laid 
down by good society for guidance, and practicing them 
continually, they become second nature, and selfishness is 
kept in the background. Politeness becomes easy, if habit- 
ual, and performs its mission in bringing its followers up 
from the plane of self-love to a higher moral one, where 
thoughtless self-gratification is subdued, and time and at- 
tention are devoted to looking after the comfort and wel- 
fare of others. 

Much remains to be said upon the value of good manners. 
They should be the outgrowth of character ; a character 
built up in youth. Character is more than reputation. The 
young should learn its value, and early acquire it. The 
world may misunderstand — it generally does misconstrue 
human actions. But a clear conscience, a kindly nature, 
and fine manners, can conquer all things. 

But even though certain customs may change, the princi- 
ples which underlie social laws ever remain the same. Re- 
garding etiquette then, from a higher standpoint than the 
mere following of certain set forms, we have added to those 
forms- truths that lie deeper "than outward observances. 
Mere politeness, unaccompanied by a desire to make it a 
nature of daily life, is very empty and unsatisfying. The 
moral nature must be developed at the same time, and the 
innate tendency to prefer self, must be kept in abeyance. 



6 



INTRODUCTORY. 



The life will then grow beautiful, the expressions of good 
will to all become spontaneous, and a broader culture, which 
is an aid to success in the world, will result. Good manners 
are pivots upon which a man's fortunes may be said to turn. 
Who is so unwelcome as the person destitute of them ? No 
one likes to transact business with such a one, no pleasure 
is afforded by his society. 

It is the aim of this work to impress upon all the im- 
portance of acquiring them ; not alone for the pleasure 
which they afford, but because they are links in the chain 
which binds human beings to each other, and to a Higher 
Power. 

Indifference to the comfort of others betokens a selfish, 
coarse nature, and repels those whose sympathies are active, 
and to whom civility is the natural expression of gentle def- 
erence, ever seeking to confer pleasure upon others. To 
all our readers is this volume especially addressed, with the 
sincere desire that profit and instruction may be gathered 
from its pages. And we feel certain that it will help the 
novice or the timid one, to know just what to do under all 
circumstances, assisting all to avoid those mortifying mis- 
takes which are so distressing to a proud and sensitive 
nature. Every line has been penned with the hope that 
our treatment of the important subject of etiquette will 
make the duties of social life more clear, and awaken a 
desire for that culture which raises the soul to a more lofty 
Ideal of the life we live here. 

The Author. 




CHAPTER I. 

VALUE OF ETIQUETTE SNEERING AT ETIQUETTE. 

IT is the practice with certain people to sneer at 
the word "etiquette," and to claim that it merely 
means a foolish pandering to frivolous customs which 
in themselves have no meaning or use. This is a 
misapprehension which a little thoughtful considera- 
tion will remove. 



Certain rules for the government of social, busi- 
ness and political life have been current for genera- 
tions, and have been handed down with almost unva- 
rying exactitude, in all civilized lands. Such customs 
or laws, are grounded in good taste, a sense of the 
fitness of things, kindly feelings, and a mutual desire 
to smooth away the asperities and roughness which 
would prevail among so many persons of varying 
tastes and ideas, without a certain set of rules to help 
to this end. 

A POLITE PERSON ADMIRED. 

Who is not attracted toward a polite, well-bred 
person? Who does not carry with them, perhaps 




VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 

through life, the remembrance of some real gentle- 
man or lady with whom they came in contact, at 
perhaps, an early period of their life? The pleasant 
memory such a person has left, and the agreeable 
impression, may unconsciously have had some influ- 
ence upon their own life, and served as a model 
for their own behavior when launched into the society 
which they wish to adorn. 

To understand and cultivate the tenets laid down 
by good society, is not to assume airs, or does not 
prevent the recognition of the "rough diamond" that 
sometimes shines out from among those whose early 
advantages have not been many. Rather it adds a 
higher polish to that gem, and gives it a higher luster. 

CERTAIN RULES. 

Rules of etiquette have their allotted place among 
the forces of life, and must be acknowledged as moral 
agents in refining and making more agreeable our 
daily intercourse with each other. They are agents 
for good. They teach us to be more lenient with the 
various elements which compose society. Life is 
a sort of a partnership in which each human being 
has an interest; and the laws of etiquette, well 
enforced, oblige us to make concessions to the 
many tastes, prejudices and habits of those we meet 
in the social • circle, at public entertainments, in 
business relations, or when traveling. 



VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 



11 



If the value of good breeding is in danger of being 
depreciated, it is only necessary to compare the 
impression which a gentle, pleasant demeanor leaves 
upon you, with the gruff, abrupt or indifferent car- 
riage of those who affect to despise good manners. 
If two applicants for a position are equally capable, 
it is safe to assert that in every case, the agreeable 
and courteous seeker will obtain it in preference to 
the other, who is his equal in all respects, save that 
he is deficient in that suave dignity that charms all. 

We are all susceptible to the charm of good man 
ners. Indeed, society could not be maintained save 
for the usages of etiquette. But true etiquette must 
spring from a sincere desire to make every one around 
us feel at ease; a determination to exercise a thought- 
ful regard for the feelings of others. It is this patient 
forbearance with the eccentricities of all, which stamps 
the true lady or gentleman. It is a duty which each 
one owes to himself, to acquire certain rules for 
guidance, which shall make him a welcome guest in 
any circle. 

WHAT ETIQUETTE IS. 

Etiquette is not a servile yielding up of one's 
individuality, or cold formality. It is rather the 
beautiful frame which is placed around a valuable 
picture to prevent its being marred or defaced. 



12 



VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 



Etiquette throws a protection around the well- 
bred, keeping the coarse and disagreeable at a 
distance, and punishing those who violate her dic- 
tates, with banishment from the social circle. 

MANNERS NECESSARY TO GOOD STANDING. 

Manners are obligatory upon a man, and even 
more than that upon a woman. A man who is 
gentle, defers to others, listens respectfully to the 
aged, or to those who are inferior to him in position or 
intelligence, is liked by every one. His presence is 
a protection to women, his conversation is a wealth 
of pleasure, and all feel bettered by sharing his 
society. To - be all this, he must be, as a well- 
known author says: 

"The ideal gentleman is a clean man, body and 
soul. He acts kindly from the impulse of a kind 
heart. He is brave because with a conscience void 
of offense, he has nothing to fear. He is never 
embarrassed, for he respects himself and is profoundly 
conscious of right intentions. To preserve his self- 
respect he keeps his honor unstained, and to retain 
the good opinion of others he neglects no civility. 
He respects even the prejudices of honest men; 
opposes without bitterness, and yields without 
admitting defeat. He is never arrogant, and never 
weak. He bears himself with dignity, but never 



VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 



13 



haughtily. Too wise to despise trifles, he is too 
noble to be mastered by them. To superiors he is 
respectful without servility; to equals courteous; to 
inferiors so kind that they forget their inferiority. 
He carries himself with grace in all places, is easy 
but never familiar, genteel without affectation. His 
quick perceptions tell him what to do under all cir- 
cumstances, and he approaches a king with as much 
ease as he would display in addressing a beggar. He 
unites gentleness of manner with firmness of mind; 
commands with mild authority, and asks favors with 
persistent grace and assurance. Always well-informed 
and observant of events, but never pedantic, he wins 
his way to the head through the heart, by the short- 
est route, and keeps good opinions once won, because 
he deserves them." 

But if a gentleman should be all this, how much 
more essential are good manners to a woman! A 
rude, loud-spoken, uncultured woman is a positive blot 
upon nature, and repels, by her lack of breeding, 
those who would not be slow to acknowledge the real 
worth and talent she possessed, and which would 
come to the surface, were she clothed in the beautiful 
garments of modesty, gentle speech and ease of man- 
ner. A lady should be quiet in her manners, natural 
and unassuming in her language, careful to wound no 
one's feelings, but giving generously and freely from 




14 



VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 



the treasures of her pure mind to her friends. Scorn- 
ing no one openly, but having a gentle pity for the 
unfortunate, the inferior and the ignorant, at the same 
time carrying herself with an innocence and single- 
heartedness which disarms ill nature, and wins respect 
and love from all. Such an one is a model for her sex; 
the "bright particular star" on which men look with 
reverence. The influence of such a woman, is a power 
for good which cannot be over-estimated. 

Every young girl can become such a lady. Men 
strive to please and honor such women. Through 
them must come those refinements of manner and 
speech so necessary in society. 

BEAUTY WORTHLESS WITHOUT BREEDING. 

A woman may be gifted with great beauty, and may 
still be very unprepossessing, if she does not cultivate 
that knowledge of the laws of etiquette which will 
enable her to conduct herself so that she will not 
attract attention by her awkwardness and ignorance 
of forms. This fact is emphasized by the experience 
of every observer. It is a common saying that many 
a woman who has no personal charms to boast of, is 
much more fascinating than her more beautiful sisters, 
some of whom have depended entirely upon their 
looks to please, forgetting that "Beauty is only skin- 
deep," and that the flower without perfume is not 



TRUE POLITENESS. 




SAINT CECELIA. 




VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 



15 



admired, as is the less showy but fragrant blossom. 
Fine manners are the outward manifestations of an 
inward beauty that the world is quick to discern. 

Society is held together, so to speak, by certain 
unchangeable laws, which bind its different members 
in one harmonious whole. When these laws are not 
observed through ignorance or indifference, how mor- 
tifying are the experiences of those who have com- 
mitted a sin against good breeding. How earnestly 
they wish that they had known better! 

COMPEL RESPECT. 

To be mannerly and respectful, to know how to 
accept the amenities of social life and to return them 
in kind, is to compel respect and command an entrance 
into good society. And this can be attained by any 
one, rich or poor, in this broad land of ours, where 
the narrow distinctions of caste have not as yet 
secured a foothold, and where every man is as good 
as a king. Thus good manners become a practical 
lever with which to raise one in his daily life. Wealth 
needs their aid to give character and tone to their 
surroundings. The poor man needs them to assist 
him in finding a higher position, which shall be more 
independent. 

Believing, then, in the intrinsic value of etiquette, 
we would say, in the words of another: 
2 






16 



VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 



"The finest nature and the most generous impulses, 
cannot make graceful habits. It is only by acquaint- 
ance with the accepted customs of the most refined 
society, that the pain and humiliation of embarrass- 
ment is avoided. He who knows society at its best is 
easily master of himself in any lower level. Those 
have been bred in an atmosphere of intelligent refine- 
ment, and know no way but the right way, are happy, 
because mistakes to them are well nigh impossible, 
but the thousands in whose busy lives there has been 
time for little else than useful and honorable work, 
but whose ambition prompts them to self-culture, 
need not despair of mastering all necessary social 
forms, and acquiring the gentle courtesy which is the 
winning secret of the gently bred." 



CHAPTER II. 



HOME MANNERS HOME THE BIRTHPLACE OF GOOD 

MANNERS. 

f^HE home is the foundation of all good things. 



j[ The manners that win respect must be taught in 
the home circle. A child who has pleasant, courteous 
parents, who seek to inculcate simple maxims of good 
behavior is fortunate, and starts out in life at an 
advantage over the one who is not so instructed. 

There are many well-bred people who would not 
for the world transgress a rule of politeness, but who 
neglect laying down any rules for the guidance of 
their children, thinking possibly that when they are 
older, they will naturally acquire that ease of manner 
which is essential to success in the world. They may 
possibly do so, particularly if the little folks are of 
good dispositions, and are imitative. But that does 
not relieve the parents of their duty in the matter. 
They owe it to their children and to society, to in- 
struct them how to be gentle, courteous, and above 
all, self-denying. 




17 



(8 



HOME MANNERS. 



BICKERINGS. 

How often strangers are shocked and repelled by 
witnessing the little bickerings going on in the family 
circle between brothers and sisters. These discour- 
teous expressions must be curbed by continual over- 
sight on the part of parents or guardians, and by firm 
and wise government. 

COURTESY SHOULD BE PRACTICED AT ALL TIMES. 

If the elder members of a family practice courtesy 
toward each other, in the seclusion of the home, the 
young will catch the same spirit, and it will be far 
easier for the young man and young woman when 
their turn comes to enter life's busy arena, to know 
what is expected of them. They have a capital to 
begin on, as it were — and that capital is refined man- 
ners. 

a mother's duty. 

Many children will acquire bad qualities through the 
carelessness of those who have them in their care — 
such as malice, greediness, lack of personal neatness, 
and rough indifference to the comfort of others. All 
these faults it is the mother's duty to eradicate. Her 
first care must be to teach them self-respect; and one 
of the first evidences of this feeling,, is good manners. 

All children have an inborn sense of justice, and 




55) 



should never be reproved before strangers for any 
remissness. A rebellious spirit is aroused, which 
often breaks out in open defiance or sullen resentment. 
Children can be trained to reciprocate courtesies, and 
to behave politely everywhere, without making prim 
little martinets of them. Teach them to respect each 
other's rights — to enjoy their merry romp and innocent 
fun without hurting each other's feelings, or playing 
upon some weakness. Games and romps should be 
encouraged at home; but let the stronger children 
guard the weaker, nor forget that even fun may 
become rough and wearisome. 

GIVE CHILDREN PETS. 

A fine plan to draw out the better nature of children 
is to let them have pets. It teaches them to be gentle 
and protecting, and makes them self-reliant. 

Choose their companions, or rather show them how 
to select those for intimates who will not lower their 
moral tone. We do not refer to their social position. 
Many a poor boy is an innate gentleman. Teach 
your children so that they will shrink from contact 
with the coarse and impure, and will not choose their 
companions for the money their parents possess, but 
for their true worth and agreeable manners. Chil- 
dren must be taught never to be ashamed of a poor 
friend, but to blush if they have a loud, rude associate, 



m 






£3 



20 



HOME MANNERS. 



even though he may be the possessor of wealth 
untold. 

COMMENCE LIFE IN A HOME OF YOUR OWN. 

As the home is the school of good manners, the 
young couple in starting out to build a home, should 
first secure a home, not a boarding-place. Once 
established in this home, preservers affairs inviolate. 
Do not betray the secrets of your married life to even 
your most intimate friends. In fact you should 
have no friends save mutual ones, and those should 
never be made confidantes of. A man or woman 
who will speak slightingly of a life-companion, 
has outraged the first principles of happiness 
in the marriage relations — respect and politeness, 
and is not fit to be trusted. No well-bred person 
will betray the faults or shortcomings of another. 

ECONOMY NECESSARY. 

In money matters the wife should be economical 
and careful. Often women incur bills without the 
husband's knowledge. Such a course is disastrous to 
a man who is struggling to attain a position in the 
world. On the other hand, many men make the mis- 
take of concealing their financial condition from a 
wife. Some don't wish to annoy her with their busi- 
ness worries, while others think their money-matters 




m 



HOME MANNERS. 



31 



do not concern her. Both views are wrong. Few 
women would spend foolishly if they knew their hus- 
bands could not afford it, but would take pride in 
regulating their expenses to keep pace with their hus- 
band's income. 

A house should be made as cheerful and light as 
possible, that the husband may look forward with 
delight to his return at night, after a hard day's work. 

A WORD TO THE WIFE. 

To the wife we would say, — Be as careful about 
your dress and appearance after marriage as you were 
before. You cannot do otherwise without losing some 
portion of your husband' s regard. To dress well in soci- 
ety and to appear careless and even slovenly at home, 
is equivalent to saying that you care more to make 
a favorable impression upon strangers than upon your 
husband. This course will naturally offend him, and 
possibly he will cease to show you that politeness 
which you expect to receive, and thus will be laid the 
foundation of those careless manners we too often see 
in the family circle, and which are such bad examples 
for the young. 

TREAT YOUR HUSBAND'S GUESTS KINDLY. 

Be polite to the guest your husband brings home. 
If he surprises you with a business acquaintance whom 



22 



HOME MANNERS. 



he has invited without notifying you, do not appear 
disconcerted. Meet him with that graceful courtesy 
which warms the heart of a stranger, and make no 
apology for your table. If it is set neatly, and the 
food is cooked properly, you can make the guest for- 
get the lack of profusion of rich viands by the cor- 
diality of your manner. 

HUSBANDS, BE POLITE. 

"The husband should be as studiously polite when 
at home as when in society. In fact, no man can be 
a true gentleman without being habitually polite and 
considerate at home. A chivalrous regard for a wife 
and a deference to her wishes and comfort, is a suns 
indication of refinement, and will go far toward hold- 
ing her love and allegiance. His own personal tastes 
should be cheerfully sacrificed to her happiness. He 
should take her to social gatherings when he attends 
himself, and be at all times considerate of those 
things which will give her pleasure. His evenings 
should be spent at home and in her society." 

"The tongue is a little member, but it should be 
jealously guarded, Harsh and cutting things should 
not be said after marriage, any more than before. In 
cases of difference of opinion, charity and tolerance 
should be shown, within the family as much as with- 
out. Coarse and unrefined conversation can never be 



HOME MANNERS. 



23 



indulged in without a loss of respect which involves 
a loss of influence and power. Fits of temper and 
hysterics should be controlled and conquered, as they 
are destructive to the peace of the family. Any 
deception of one by the other will destroy all faith 
and render a perfect union impossible." 

EXAMPLE OF A FATHER. 

A father should never utter an immoral thought or 
a profane word in the home circle. The respect h> 
professes for his wife should check such ill-breeding 
Children are quick to notice, and example is mors 
powerful than words. They cannot respect a parent 
who is coarse and uncouth in his manners, or who 
uses too much freedom. As a writer has said, in 
speaking of the careless way in which fathers speak to 
their children, and the loss of self-respect which it 
begets: 

"One great reason for the absence of this feeling in 
children is, that parents and grown people do not show 
to them that respect which they deserve. When you 
hear a father speaking to his children, calling them 
'chap,' 'kids,' or 'young 'uns, ' you may be sure there 
will be a lack of self-respect on the part of the chil- 
dren. Call children by their right names, speak to 
them in an affectionate way, make them feel that you 
are counting on them for something, and they will 



24 



HOME MANNERS. 



then think something of themselves. Self-respect is 
one of the necessary conditions of a true womanhood 
and manhood. It saves children from engaging in 
the thousand little dishonorable things that defile 
the character and blast the reputation. The mother 
having once made her dear ones conscious that they 
are somebody — the objects of a mother's love and a 
mother's prayers — it will serve as a shield to them in 
a thousand temptations." 

A GOOD INHERITANCE. 

There is no better inheritance to leave children 
than the memory of kind and gentle-mannered par- 
ents, whose influence for good will go with them 
through life. And there is no better discipline, or 
one which will better prepare them for the hard bat- 
tles of life, than to teach them to yield their own wills 
to others, to remember that they must respect the 
tastes and wishes of others, and that to make the cares 
of this life endurable, they should be cheerfully obe- 
dient and self-sacrificing. 



CHAPTER III. 



A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN SELF-APPROBATION 

NATURAL. 

eVERY right-minded boy or girl is anxious to be 
well thought of. The first step toward the 
attainment of this desire, is to cultivate courtesy. Be 
deferent to those who are your superiors in age and 
position. "Young America" has the idea that it is a 
proof of independence and manliness to speak flip- 
pantly and sneeringly of parents or guardians, referring 
to them as "the governor," "the old lady," or "the 
old party." There is no greater mistake made, and 
the listeners who may smile at your "wit" will just as 
surely censure you in their hearts for your coarseness 
and disrespect. The boy who permits himself to adopt 
this style of address cannot become a gentleman. The 
young person who does not respect himself, will not 
respect his elders. 

Do not imitate the vices of men, imagining that it 
will make you a man also. Smoking and chewing are 
deadly foes to the healthful growth. Do not use 

tobacco. There is something unwholesome about a 

25 



36 



A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 



boy of twelve or fourteen who uses tobacco in any 
form. He loses his manliness and vigor, his sense of 
right and wrong becomes perverted, and his ambition 
leaves him. Never touch tobacco or liquors, if you 
desire to be a clean, manly man. 

" We cannot all be heroes 

And thrill a hemisphere 
With some great daring venture, 

Some deed that mocks at fear; 
But we can fill a lifetime 

With kindly acts and true, 
There's always noble service 
For noble souls to do. 

"We cannot all be preachers, 

And sway with voice and pen, 
As strong winds sway the forest, 
The minds and hearts of men; 
But we can be evangels 

To souls within our reach, 
There's always love's own gospel 
For loving hearts to preach." 

NOT ALL CAN BECOME FAMOUS. 

It is not given to all children to become famous. 
But it is in the power of every boy and girl to be 
truthful, honest, outspoken, and fearless; to hate a 
lie, and to check every evil thought. It is easy to be 
a real lady or gentleman. Practice politeness — make 
it the rule of your everyday life, at home, at school, 
or on the play-ground. 



*c3 





A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 



27 



The big boy can see that the little one is not 
imposed upon. The big girl can take the part of 
another girl whose home surroundings are not so pleas- 
ant as her own. 

Never sneer at any one who is deformed or lame, 
or whose clothes are shabby. 

Care for your dumb pets in a kind way, feeding them, 
and sheltering them. Neither torment them your- 
selves, nor allow others to. 

In play, be fair. Do not cheat. This may be a 
hard lesson to learn, but it is one of the grandest, to 
understand that you must accord perfect justice to 
others in your transactions with them. It will serve 
you well in after life. 

Do not rush into the house like a whirlwind, forget- 
ting to cleanse your feet upon the mat. Shut doors 
quietly. There are people whose nerves are so sensi- 
tive that doors slammed to, will almost make them ill. 

Don't entertain your parents at the table with com- 
plaints of your brothers and sisters. 

Obey readily, even though you can't see why you 
should or should not. 

BE COURTEOUS TO ALL. 

Speak pleasantly to your playmates. Never pre- 
sent yourself at table, with soiled face and hands, or 
uncombed hair. Do not interrupt conversation. It is 



28 



A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 



delightful to hear a bright, sensible boy or girl talk, 
but they should wait until they are addressed, and tell 
what interests them in a simple manner, without 
affectation, or feeling that they are heroes. 

Boys, do not tease your sisters, or try to dictate to 
them. A manly boy protects his sisters, and looks 
after their comfort. 

Do not stare at people, nor turn and look after 
them in the street. If you observe a peculiar looking, 
or lame person approaching, appear not to notice 
them; pass them without a glance, and make no com- 
ment until they are out of hearing. 

BE ORDERLY. 

Have certain places for your clothes, your toys, 
tools, and books, and when you are done using 
them, put them in their place. Cultivate this 
habit, and you will grow into neat, orderly ladies and 
gentlemen, the pride of your mothers, and will be 
welcome in every home which you visit. 

DO NOT MEDDLE. 

Never meddle with other people's property. As a 
rule, it is very offensive to have one's cherished arti- 
cles handled indiscriminately. Many boys seize things 
which are shown them in a rough manner, and pull 
tlmm to"pi©ees. Their fond parents excuse this destruc- 



A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 



29 



tive tendency as the act of an "inquiring mind," that 
"must know the ins and outs of everything," but we 
would prefer a boy to be a little less inquisitive, and 
a little more of a gentleman. 

Girls, much of the advice given to the boys, is 
applicable to you. 

Be neat and cleanly, both in mind and body. Take 
scrupulous care of your teeth and finger nails. Your 
clothes may not be of the richest material, but if 
they are made neatly and are kept in perfect repair, 
that is all that is necessary. 

Your every-day toilet is part of your character. A girl 
that looks like a "fury" or "sloven" in the morning, 
is not to be trusted, however finely she may look in 
the evening. No matter how humble your room may 
be, there are eight things it should contain, namely: 
A mirror, washstand, soap, towel, comb, hair, nail 
and tooth brushes. These are just as essential as your 
breakfast, before which you should make good use of 
them. Parents who fail to provide their children with 
such appliances, not only make a great mistake, but 
commit a sin of omission. Look tidy in the morning, 
and after dinner work is over, improve your toilet, 
Make it a rule of your daily life to "dress up" for the 
afternoon. Your dress may, or need not, be anything 
better than calico; but with a ribbon or flower, or 
seme bit of ornament, you can have an air of self- 



A FEW IVORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 31 

Do not look over another's shoulder, when they 
are reading, nor- read their letters, even if they are 
left carelessly lying around. You have no right to 
pry into the business of any one. 

Many children form habits which are not nice, such 
as spitting on the floor, scratching the head, stretch- 
ing themselves out upon a chair, yawning, etc. All 
such habits are exceedingly low-bred, and are avoided 
by the child who aims to acquire good manners. 

TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 

Every child should receive some training which will 
fit it for some useful occupation in life. Riches are 
transitory, and laziness is the parent of many sins. If 
you are never compelled to earn your own living, such 
training will discipline and develop a self-reliance and 
energy. As a writer pertinently says, on this point: 

"Men like Franklin, and Lincoln, and Grant, and 
women like Harriet Martineau and Harriet Beecher 
Stowe, and scores of others who have left their imprint 
on their nation or their age, were disciplined and 
developed by labor. Would you see the strong and 
honored men and women of to-morrow? They can 
be found in the field and factory and office of to-day, 
gaining that patience and toughness of mental and 
physical fiber which does noble deeds and conquers 
success. Labor is not only a duty, it is a necessity 
3 



3 





S2 A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN, 

of our nature, and in the end it ministers to our spir- 
itual growth. Let no parent, then, encourage a child 
to look forward to a life of idleness. Life is a school, 
and he who lives an idle life misses its most valuable 
lesson." 

A question often comes up, not so easily answered, 
— What shall I do with my hands? Some ladies always 
carry a fan. But you cannot always have one in 
your hands, so it is better to practice keeping the 
arms pressed lightly against the sides in walking or 
sitting. This position for the hands, although a little 
stiff at first, will soon become easy and graceful. 

It is almost impossible for a girl to learn the value 
of time. If you have occasion to enter a place of 
business, state what you want and then retire as 
quickly as possible. You have no right to encroach 
upon the time of a man of business. 

USE MONEY SENSIBLY. 

When your parents give you money, or you earn it 
for yourself, learn to spend it judiciously. Keep your 
accounts accurately. Bookkeeping is a very impor- 
tant part of a woman's education. The women of 
high rank in England are careful accountants and 
keep a strict account of all their expenditures. French 
women are taught the most rigid economy. It is well 
to provide against future needs, and to have a balance 
that you may bestow in charity. 



3 



A FEW WORDS TO THE CHILDREN. 



33 



And above all, do not affect a "loud" or "fast" 
demeanor. Guard well your fair name. The first 
duty which every young person owes to himself or 
herself, is to establish a good character. This is easy. 
With the instructions that every inmate of a good 
home receives, with the aid of kindly counsel and pure 
example, and an innate love for things that are good, it 
is impossible that you should not build up a character 
that shall be as impregnable as the rock of Gibraltar. 

Every boy and girl desires a good name. Then 
earn it, by truthful lips and heart, by scorning deceit 
or base actions, by living upright, fearless lives, which 
are proudly open to the inspection of all the world. 

In youth the foundation is laid for good or evil 
name. While there are many cases on record where 
bad boys and girls have outgrown their ill-flavored 
deeds and become good men and women, still the 
weight of testimony proves such cases rare. The 
beautiful seeds that blossom into grand deeds are 
planted in early youth. As a young person grows up, 
so will he generally be found when mingling with the 
active duties of real life. 

You owe the winning of a good name to yourselves, 
and to the parents and friends whose peace of mind 
is to be made perfect, or rudely crushed, by your con- 
duct. Then strive for a good name; cherish it care- 
fully, and remember that immortal text, "A good name 
is rather to be chosen than much riches." 



CHAPTER IV. 



IN THE STREET. 

|~N no country are women so highly respected, or 
[ treated so courteously as in America. A lady can 
travel anywhere, without an escort, and hear no dis- 
respectful language, or sneers, and she can feel assured 
that, should an emergency arise, she would be 
accorded the amplest protection. 

PRIVILEGES OF WOMEN. 

Women do not know how great are their privileges. 
Abroad a lady would not find it safe or proper to walk 
out alone. Here two or three ladies may, if they 
so desire, attend places of amusement, ride in the 
cars, or promenade unaccompanied by a gentleman. 
This fact amazes strangers from other lands. It 
arises from two causes — the natural inborn chivalry of 
American gentlemen, and the independent, unaffected 
natures of American women. 

YOUNG GIRLS. 

It is understood, however, that very young girls 

34 




are never seen anywhere without some older person 
as an escort. Too great freedom engenders a coarse, 
loud manner which is distasteful. 

There is no place where one's manners are more 
plainly discernible, or where the natural selfishness 
inherent in all will exhibit itself more conspicuously, 
than on the street or in crowded places. And one is 
apt to be judged very harshly sometimes by their 
deportment on the public promenade. 

A lady's dress. 

A true lady always dresses simply and quietly when 
in street costume. She does not adopt gay and showy 
colors and load herself down with jewelrj', which is 
entirely out of place, and conveys a very great anxiety 
to "show off." Custom sanctions more brilliant col- 
ors in dress goods than formerly, but they should be 
selected with modifications for outdoor wear. Quiet, 
subdued shades give an air of refinement, and never 
subject their wearer to unfavorable criticisms. 

French ladies, who are noted for their exquisite 
taste in matters of dress, always have everything 
harmonize — the dress, hat, wrap, gloves, and even 
their shoes all match in color, forming a complete 
unison which is very agreeable to the eye. 



86 



IN THE STREET. 



CULTIVATE AN EASY GAIT. 

A lady should always walk in an easy, unassuming 
manner, neither looking to the right or to the left. 
If anything in, a store window attracts her notice she 
can stop and examine it with propriety, and then 
resume her walk. She never should hear a rude 
remark, or see an impertinent glance, but should be 
incapable of appearing to think it possible that they 
could be intended for her. 

GIGGLING DETESTABLE. 

A lady who desires a reputation for elegant manners 
does not giggle or whisper in a meaning way on the 
cars or in theaters or lecture rooms. She reserves all 
those disagreeable fashions for a more private place. ' 
Neither do ladies commence to laugh as soon as the 
door has closed upon a retiring guest. They may be 
laughing about something entirely foreign to the pres- 
ent, but it is not in human nature to help imagining 
the laugh is aimed at the one who has just left the cir- 
cle, and they will feel uncomfortable in consequence. 
Remain perfectly quiet until you are sure your friend is 
out of hearing, ere you resume your conversation. 

Loud talking is inexcusable at all times, and gives 
a very vulgar tone to what you say. A lady does not 
call to her friends across the street, or inquire after 
their health' in a boisterous fashion. 



IN THE STREET. 



37 



NEVER FLIRT. 

No lady ever flirts on the street, or allows a stranger 
to make her acquaintance. She may consider it only 
a bit of "fun," but she will surely not win the respect 
of that stranger, and also lose her own. 

If a lady is on her way to fulfill an engagement, and 
meets a friend, she can, after the first greetings, 
excuse herself from a long talk, by stating the fac\ 
and offer a polite regret that she cannot remain longer. 

DO NOT "CUT." ANY ONE. 

Never "cut" people in public. If there are reasons 
why you desire to discontinue an acquaintance, either 
turn your head before meeting that person, or convey 
to him in some delicate hint, your feelings. But do 
not expose any one to the mortification of a cold, 
rude stare, or refuse to return the salutation made 
before the eyes of others. 

In bowing on the street, a lady must merely incline 
her head gracefully, and not her body. But she 
should always smile pleasantly. It lights up the feat- 
ures, and adds a refreshing warmth to the greeting. 

On meeting her friends in public, a lady does not 
effusively greet them by their first names, and air 
her own affairs in a loud, high key, acquainting pass- 
srs-by with matters that concern her alone. 

She should not stare at other ladies, and whisper 



38 



IN THE STREET. 



and laugh in a pointed manner, or comment upon 
their personal appearance. 

She should never permit one of the opposite sex to 
address her in a slangy fashion, touch her on the 
shoulder, call her by her first name before strangers. 
All such little familiarities, although intended inno- 
cently enough, will give others the impression that 
she is not held in the highest esteem. 

We are happy to say that young ladies are very court- 
eous to elderly ones as a rule, giving them up their 
seats, and answering their questions with gentle polite- 
ness. This is as it should be, and reflects credit upon 
any young person of either sex. 

ACCEPTING ATTENTIONS. 

A lady may accept the assistance of a strange gen- 
tleman in getting on or off a car, or in crossing a muddy 
or crowded street. Such attentions should be accept- 
ed in the spirit in which they are offered, and acknowl- 
edged with thanks. 

In passing people on the walk, turn to the right. 
Do not join forces with three or four others, and 
take up the entire pathway, compelling every one to 
turn out for you. Walk in couples, when there are 
several friends in your party. 

Ladies do not chew gum on the streets, or rush up 
to each other and kiss effusively. 



IN THE STREET. 



39 



Ncr" 4o they hold up the peculiarities of absent 
friends to ridicule, or discuss them uncharitably. 
Gossip and slander are very near friends. Never 
indulge in either. 

POLITENESS TO CLERKS. 

When a lady goes shopping, she treats the attend- 
ants of either sex with politeness. Often these clerks 
are tired, and overworked, and a lady does not take 
it as a personal affront because they do not know 
intuitively just what she .wants. 

Do not seize hold of a piece of goods which another 
customer is examining, but wait until she has either 
made her purchase or passed it by. 

BUY WHAT YOU NEED ONLY. 

Never be persuaded into buying an article which 
does not suit both your taste and your purse. Make 
your wants known plainly, and if you cannot be suited, 
thank the salesman for having endeavored to please 
you. Remember, he has myriads of demands upon 
his time and patience, and a. polite word lightens the 
tediousness of their positions. 

If you meet a friend while shopping, do not visit 
with them, while the saleswoman is awaiting your 
orders. You have no right to take up their time, and 
keep them from waiting upon other customers. 



■40 



IN THE STREET. 



If you do not fancy the goods shown you, do not 
depreciate them to the one serving you, but merely 
say in an agreeable manner, "It is not just what I 
want," and pass on. 

Do not handle the goods yourself, except to feel 
their texture or weight, but allow the salesman to place 
them to the best advantage for showing their good 
qualities to you. If you cannot decide at once 
between several pieces of goods, say so, and give the 
salesman permission to attend to some other custom- 
er, while you are making up your mind. 

WHAT A GENTLEMAN SHOULD DO. 

A gentleman never swaggers along the street, 
shouting and laughing with his companions, his hat 
on one side, a cigar between his fingers, or switching 
a cane to the danger or discomfort of passers-by. 

But if he is smoking and passes a lady quite near, 
he removes the cigar from his mouth. 

A gentleman when walking with a lady in the day- 
time, does not offer her his arm, unless she is old, or 
ill, or he does so for the purpose of protecting her in 
a large crowd. 

He should not monopolize the umbrella when with 
two ladies in a rain-storm, but should take the outside, 
holding it over both. 



IN THE STREET. 



OFFERING THE ARM. 



41 



If attending a lady in the evening, it is customary 
to offer her the arm. If he has the care of two ladies, 
x he should give his arm to but one, and they should 
both walk on the same side of him. It is a very 
amusing sight to see a gentleman walking between two 
ladies, a sort of a thorn-between-two-roses affair. 

A gentleman removes his hat when entering a room 
where there are ladies. When he meets a lady friend, 
he should raise his hat gracefully, and if she is with 
another lady, he should include her in the salutation 
even though he is unacquainted with her. 

WHISTLING IN PUBLIC. 

On entering a public hallway, or an elevator, where 
ladies are waiting, he does not treat them to an exhi- 
bition of his skill in whistling. It is exceedingly 
impertinent, and is a virtual ignoring of their presence 
which no gentleman is ever guilty of. 

In passing through a door, the gentleman holds it 
open for the lady,, even though he never saw her 
before. He also precedes the lady in ascending stairs, 
and allows her to precede him in descending. 

When a gentleman meets a lady friend with whom 
he wishes to converse, he does not make her stand 
in the street, but walks with her a short distance until 




2 



77 



IN THE STREET. 



he has said what he desired to, and then leaves her 
with a courteous bow. 

ANSWERING STRANGERS. 

Whenever a question is asked by a stranger, he 
freely answers it. If he cannot direct such an one, 
he states his inability to do so, with civility. 

No gentleman will stare rudely at ladies, or make 
slighting remarks concerning them. 

REMOVING THE GLOVE. 

It is not obligatory upon a gentleman to remove his 
glove when shaking hands with a lady. If he chooses, 
he can say "Excuse my glove," or he can observe a 
silence concerning it. 

He should always carry the packages which a lady 
has; and in this connection permit us to say, that a 
husband should always carry the baby. 

SMOKING WHEN IN A LADY'S SOCIETY. 

A gentleman should never smoke while walking with 
a lady, not even if she politely fibs by saying it is not 
offensive to her. In fact, he should not smoke where 
ladies are, under any circumstances. 

If a gentleman escorts a lady to her home, and is 
not going into +he house, he should wait until the door 
is opened, and he sees her safely inside, especially 
after dark. 




IN THE STREET. 



43 



He should never "cut" a lady. He can have no 
possible excuse for thus treating one who dressed and 
acted like a lady. If he is actuated by a foolish dis- 
like, he can avoid her, but he must never cease to be 
courteous. 

SWEET BREATHS. 

Both ladies and gentlemen will be very careful to 
keep their breaths sweet and pure. We wish there 
were some law to prevent people from polluting their 
breaths with onions and tobacco when they are going 
into a mixed company. No one has a right to make 
himself in any manner offensive to others. All the 
laws of good breeding forbid it. 

In crossing a muddy street, the gentleman should 
give a lady the cleanest spots, and may assist a strange 
lady to cross if she is in need of such help. 

A gentleman should not thrust his feet out into a car 
aisle, or crook his elbows so as to strike his neighbor 
in the side, or expectorate at random. Nor should 
he spread open his paper to its full size, and exclude 
the light and view from others. 

ASSIST LADIES FROM A CARRIAGE. 

In assisting a lady to alight from a carriage, he 
should step out first, and then turn and offer her 
both hands, particularly if the vehicle be some dis- 
tance from the ground. 



44 



IN THE STREET. 



He should pass up the fare of a lady in a car or 
bus, and should get off the steps of a car when it is 
crowded, to permit her to enter it. He should never 
push his way in, and leave her standing upon the plat- 
form. 

HELPING A LADY TO MOUNT A HORSE. 

It is quite an art to help a lady to mount horseback. 
She should place her left foot in one of his hands, 
with her left hand upon his shoulder, and her right 
hand on the pommel of the saddle. Then at a given 
word, she springs up, the gentleman at the same time 
raising his hand so that he assists her into the saddle. 
In riding, he should aways keep on her right side. 

Don't shake a lady's hand so violently as to annoy 
her, nor press it with such force that you will hurt her 
fingers. 

A gentleman should not inquire into any one's busi- 
ness, nor presume upon a chance introduction he has 
had, to walk with her when he meets her again, or 
to call at her house. 

PHYSICAL TRAINING. 

A gentleman should pay great regard to physical 
training. The more manly arts he masters, such as 
rowing, boxing, swimming, skating, etc., the greater 
will be his development, and the more graceful will 
he become. It will add to his strength, and better fit 



IN THE STREET. 



45 



him to defend himself against insult, and to protect 
women from ungentlemanly conduct upon the part of 
others. To these accomplishments he should add 
dancing, which lends a grace and ease of manner that 
is pleasing in all society. It teaches him how to avoid 
b§ing awkward in his attitudes. 

When a gentleman makes an engagement, he should 
be punctual in keeping it, whether of a business 
nature, or simply pleasure. 

OFFERING A SEAT TO A LADY. 

It has long been a moot question whether it is the 
duty of a gentleman to rise in a street-car and offer 
his seat to a lady. While it may be asserted that a 
man is weary after a hard day's work in office or 
store, and again, that many ladies take such courtesies 
in an unthankful spirit, or as if it were their just due, 
still we think that the essence of genuine civility will 
lead a gentleman to rise and offer his seat to a lady 
who is standing. 

We think Lord Chesterfield, "the most elegant gen- 
tleman in all Europe," has summed it up in a few 
concise words, when he declared that, "Civility is 
particularly due to all women; and remember that no 
provocation whatever can justify any man in not 
being civil to every woman; and the greatest man 
would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil 



46 



IN THE STREET. 



to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is 
the only protection they have against the superior 
strength of ours." To which we would add, that no 
gentleman will speak a word against any woman at 
any time, or mention a woman's name in any com- 
pany where it should not be spoken. 



CHAPTER V. 



SALUTATIONS. 



HE manner in which a salutation is given, marks 



the lady or 'gentleman. It seems natural to all 
to make an outward acknowledgment of the presence 
of others, and to express the pleasure felt at the 
meeting, in some way that will be tangible. 

In rude stages of society the salutation became an 
act of worship, and those forms crystallized, as civil- 
ization advanced, into something more elegant, and 
thus have become the common property of modern 
nations. 



Each country has its own peculiar forms, and all 
evince a warm, spontaneous interest in the welfare of 
those around. 

Oriental peoples are very punctilious in their greet- 
ings. The Bedouin's salutation has all the tender 
grace of a blessing, as he places his right hand upon 
his breast, and bowing low, says: "If God wills it, 
you are well." The grave and stately Spaniard greets 




SALUTING IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. 



4 



47 



48 



SALUTATIONS. 



you with, "God be with you." The gentleman in 
Poland as he leaves you, touches his lips to your 
shoulder, and bids you to "Be ever zve/l." Men of 
distinction in Japan wear over their shoulder a scarf, 
the length of which determines their rank. When 
two gentlemen meet, they bow until the ends of the 
scarf which each one wears, touches the ground. Of 
course the one with the shortest scarf has to bow the 
lowest. A Monbotto of Africa when he meets a friend, 
holds out the right hand, and cracks the joints of the 
middle fingers. Eskimos salute by rubbing noses 
together. But probably the most startling mode of 
salutation is that of the Moors, who greet a stranger 
by dashing toward him at full speed as if to unhorse 
him, and when near, suddenly firing a pistol over his 
head. One must be blessed with considerable pres- 
ence of mind not to be alarmed at such an effusive 
greeting. 

None of these methods, however proper in their 
own place, obtain here in America, where there are 
but three salutations— the bow, the kiss, and the 
verbal greeting. 

While our own American gentleman lifts his hat as 
a token of recognition, foreigners content themselves 
with merely bowing. 





SALUTATIONS. 



A FRENCH ESTIMATE ON COURTESY. 



49 



It is stated by some author that while a Frenchman 
will forgive a debt, or a wrong, he will never overlook 
a lack of courtesy; also that he demands that the 
most profound outward respect shall be shown toward 
the ladies of his household, else possibly a duel may 
be precipitated. 

THE BOW THE USUAL GREETING. 

The bow is one of the simplest observances in 
society, but it is so universally practiced that it 
becomes a test of good manners, according to the 
ease and grace given to it. 

We bow to the old, the young, the rich, the poor, 
to our friends and to those to whom we- are indiffer- 
ent, and . each one of these salutes can be shaded so 
nicely, that to an observant eye, they have a distinct 
significance of their own. 

The mere act of bowing does not suppose an inti- 
mate acquaintance. It is simply an outward expres- 
sion of the politeness current in good society. 

RETURN A GREETING IN KIND. 

You should always return a bow, even though you 
do not recognize the person bowing to you. It is prob- 
able that you have been mistaken for another person, 
and it is ill-bred not to acknowledge the salute. If it 



50 



SALUTATIONS. 



should prove that he does know you, by not bow- 
ing in answer to him, it is an admission that he has 
passed from your mind, which is inexcusable neglect. 

The French have a custom of uncovering their 
heads, when a funeral procession is passing — a very 
generous tribute of respect to the mourning friends. 

COUNTRY CUSTOMS. 

In the country, and in small towns, also, a very 
pleasant custom prevails, of bowing to all whom you 
meet. It makes a stranger fell almost "at home." 

"who shall bow first?" 

There are innumerable opinions with reference to 
the proper answer to the question— "Who shall bow 
first; the lady 01 the gentleman?" A writer says on 
this point: 

"The bow as a rule means recognition, and not 
simply deference and respect, and in America, 
between merely formal acquaintances, it is the privi- 
lege of the lady to offer the recognition and the duty 
of the gentleman to accept it. In France and on the 
Continent -generally, this is reversed, and no. lady 
will acknowledge the acquaintance of a gentleman 
unless he first bows his recognition. 

"In England, the lady is expected to bow first, a 
custom doubtless growing out of the fact that intro- 



SALUTATIONS. 



51 



ductions, given in the ball-room for the purposes of 
the dance, are not titles to recognition afterward, 
while on the Continent they do constitute acquaint- 
anceship. Here, no merely formal acquaintances 
have the right to change the recognition rule, 
but between intimate friends it is not material which 
bows first, the gentleman or the lady; indeed with well- 
bred people the recognition is oftenest simultaneous, 
the quick recognition of the eye preceding the for- 
mal salute. If the acquaintance is formal, the lady may 
.be reserved or cordial in her salutation, and the gen- 
tleman must be responsive to her manner, claiming 
only as much as she offers. No lady will be capri- 
cious in her recognitions, now cool and now cordial, 
nor will she be demonstrative in her public greetings. 
She may refuse to recognize, for sufficient reasons, 
but a recognition offered must be fully polite. A 
conspicuously frigid salutation is an insult in the pres- 
ence of strangers, which she has no right to inflict. 
A formal bow and faint smile, reserved but not dis- 
courteous, is all that a refined lady is permitted to 
offer on the promenade, the street, or in any public 
place, even to the most intimate friend, and the well- 
bred gentleman never criticises the dignity of her 
demeanor, because he knows she reserves her more 
cordial and friendly greetings for occasions where 
they may meet in the greater privacy of her own 



i 




52 



SALUTATIONS. 



home, or at social gatherings at the invitation of 
common friends." 

We think this covers the ground, conclusively show- 
ing that the lady may, and indeed should be the first 
to recognize the gentleman. 

In riding or driving on a public promenade, you 
should bow ceremoniously the first time you meet 
friends, but content yourself with a smile or a slight 
nod after that. 

No gentleman is guilty of smoking when walking 
or riding with a lady. It leaves the impression with 
others that she is of secondary ^importance to his 
cigar. 

A gentleman who is smoking upon the street 
removes his cigar before bowing to a lady, and is very 
careful not to puff cigar smoke in the face of any 
passer-by. 

In saluting a lady or an elderly gentleman, the hat 
must be lifted. With friends of his own sex, a bow, 
and a friendly word in passing, are sufficient on the 
part of a gentleman. But a smile should accompany 
every bow. The cold nod and unsmiling countenance 
are barely civil. 

OFFERING THE HAND. 

Another form of salutation is offering the hand. 
There are as many ways of shaking hands as there 



1 



SALUTATIONS. 



53 



are people. No two touch the hands alike. One 
person puts a cold, clammy hand into yours, and the 
listless, indifferent manner chills you. The hand of 
another will glide into yours in such an insinuating 
fashion that you instinctively distrust its possessor. 
And still another offers you their hand in such a frank, 
open way that at once they inspire confidence. Such 
a person does not seize your hand as in a vise, or 
crush your fingers in his rude grasp, but cordially 
presses it, and then lets go your hand in a respectful 
manner. This is the hand-shake of a gentleman. 

There is another sort of people who treat you to the 
"pump-handle" shake, up and down, which would be 
laughable, were it not so intensely disagreeable. 

The hand should never be extended to those who 
are not intimate friends, and no young lady will offer 
her hand with the same freedom as does a married 
or an elderly lady. 

Ball-room introductions do not call for this mode 
of recognition. 

The mistress of the house should shake hands with 
her invited guests, or with a gentleman who is pre- 
sented to her by an intimate friend. 

Gentlemen wait for a lady to extend the hand first, 
and a younger person for the older one to make the 
first advances. 

A lady or gentleman should always rise from their 
seat when offered the hand by anyone. 



54 



SALUTATIONS. 



It is hospitable to shake hands with the parting 
guest, and invite them cordially to come again. 

RECOGNIZE A SERVANT. 

A gentleman may shake hands with a valued serv- 
ant when he or she is about to quit their employ, 
without any lowering of their dignity. 

SHAKING HANDS WITH GENTLEMEN. 

Gentlemen should shake hands with each other, 
when introduced. An old gentleman may offer his 
hand to any lady. The glove need not be removed 
from a gentleman's hand, when greeting a lady. It 
was formerly usual to do so, but both custom and 
convenience sanction its retention. It is not good 
form to make an apology for the omission. 

The most common forms of verbal salutation are 
"Good morning," "Good evening," "How are you?" 
"Are you quite well?" All these and many more 
may be used, varied to suit the occasion, but what- 
ever form is adopted, it should be accompanied by a 
respectful manner. Undue familiarity is evidence of 
coarseness. Nicknames should not be used in public. 
Show others respect, and you will receive it in return. 

KISSING PROMISCUOUSLY. 

A greeting much in vogue in American and English 



SALUTATIONS. 



55 



families, is kissing. This is a reprehensible custom, 
and should not be tolerated in good society. 

The kiss is the seal of pure and earnest love, and 
should never be exchanged save between nearest and 
dearest friends and relatives. Indeed, public senti- 
meut and good taste decree that even among lovers it 
should not be so often indulged in as to cause any 
regret on the part of the lady should an engagement 
chance to be broken off. 

KISSING GUESTS. 

We have seen a family of children compelled to pass 
the ordeal of kissing every guest in a room when it was 
the hour for retiring. It is a senseless custom, and 
means nothing. If often creates disgust on both sides. 
Children do not like to kiss every one, and many adults 
are not fond of saluting the little ones in this manner. 

LADIES KISSING EACH OTHER. 

It is a foolish practice for ladies to kiss each other 
every time they meet, particularly on the street. It 
is positively vulgar, and a refined woman shrinks from 
any act which makes her conspicuous. It belongs 
rather to the period of "gush" natural to very young 
girls, and should be discouraged on physiological 
grounds, if no other. Many times a contagious 
disease has been conveyed in a kiss. Let promiscu- 
ous kissing then, be consigned to the tomb of oblivion. 







CHAPTER VI. 

WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. — LIFE AT THE CAPITAL. 

SOCIAL life in Washington differs from that of all 
other cities. The lady or gentleman who is accus- 
tomed to the usages of society will find an entirely 
new experience on visiting the nation's capital. 
Society here takes its tone from official life. It is 
composed of official personages from other lands as 
well as our own, who represent government, and who 
necessarily have a dignity to maintain. Consequently 
the rules governing here, do not apply to any other 
section of our country. 

who Are the leaders. 

The men there have precedence through the offices 
which they hold. Women rule by virtue of their hus- 
bands' official position. It is true that in a republic 
all men are equal before the law. But that does not 
excuse them from honoring the office to which they 
have been called by the people, and they should 
demand the privileges and respect which their position 
confers upon them. 

56 




WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 



51 



A writer of authority on etiquette at Washington, 
says: 

"We do object to that hybrid term 'Republican 
court, ' of which we so often hear. It is senseless 
and an anomaly; or, if it have a meaning, it is still 
more to be deprecated, as incompatible with the 
spirit of the framers of our excellent Constitution. 
We have no 'court circles,' nor do we expect to 
remain a republic and at the same time ape 'court' • 
manners. We have a social as well as a political 
autonomy. Let us preserve these with an equally 
jealous care and dignity. Our official etiquette is not 
intended as a personal compliment, but addresses 
itself to the office borne, so that it remains strictly in 
harmony with our republican sentiments. When the 
incumbent loses office, he becomes again simply a 
private citizen, whom the republic has honored. This 
is such a very beautiful provision of our legal Consti- 
tution, that we should never lose sight of its bearing 
on social life and manners. It is the counteracting 
and saving element, as opposed to all hereditary 
distinction, and holds each man and woman intact in 
the exercise of their talent, by which he or she may 
regulate the individual destiny. The very words 'Re- 
publican court, ' have a fatal sound of Caesarism; and, 
as we have already remarked, words become facts — ■ a 
they are the expression of the soul's aspirations. We ' 






WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 

should prove to the world that republican manners 
are the very acme of true elegance in their unaffected 
simplicity." 

THE FIRST GENTLEMAN IN THE LAND. 

The first gentleman in the land is the President. 
He leads social as well as official life. He is always 
alluded to as "the President," even by his wife. He 
can be approached by any one as the privilege of call- 
ing upon him is accorded to all, but he need never 
return a visit. 

He may stretch a point, and call upon a friend, but 
this concession is not expected of him. The same 
rule applies to the wife of the President. 

CALLING ON THE PRESIDENT. 

When a private cali is made upon the President, 
the visitor is shown into the Secretaries' room, pre- 
sents his card, and awaits the result. A business 
caller has the preference over one who merely makes 
a formal call. 

If a person has an object in seeking an interview 
with the President, it will aid him greatly to secure an 
introduction through some official, or a friend of thr 
Executive. 

RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE. 

Receptions are given at the White House at stated 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 



59 



times, which all are at liberty to attend. As the caller 
enters he gives his name to an usher, and is announced. 
He then approaches the President, and is introduced 
to him by some official to whom this duty has been 
assigned. A word may be exchanged with the Presi- 
dent; sometimes wher the crowd is very great, a bow 
is all that is possible. The guest can then pass 
through the rooms, or can retire from the scene, aa 
his taste decides. 

INVITATIONS FROM THE PRESIDENT. 

An invitation from the President to a state dinnei 
must not be disregarded. It is even expected that 
you will decline another engagement in favor of the 
more important one, and your excuse that you have 
received an invitation from the President, is sufficient. 

NEW YEAR RECEPTION. 

The President with his family holds a New Year 
reception, which is a very brilliant affair. Ladies 
and gentlemen attend it alike, and all the officials, 
diplomats, etc., are to be found there. The ioreign 
legation appear in full court dress. The guests are all 
in holiday costume, but the ladies do not remove their 
hats, save the members of the President's family, 
who receive in reception toilettes, without hats. 







WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 
ORDER OF OFFICIALS. 

Next in order comes the Chief Justice. His office 
being for life, he seems to have precedence over the 
cabinet and senate. He is addressed as "Mr. Chief 
Justice." The Vice-President follows him in rank, 
with the Speaker of the House, the General of the 
Army and the Admiral of the Navy. Members of the 
House of Representatives call first on all these officials. 

The duties of the ladies of the Cabinet are very bur- 
densome. They are expected to give a reception every 
Wednesday, at which anyone who chooses can pre- 
sent themselves. They return all the first calls of their 
lady guests, and leave the card of the cabinet officer, 
and an invitation to an evening reception. When it 
is taken into consideration that they stand for hours 
receiving, and have two or three hundred calls to 
make after one of their receptions, we think any fash- 
ionable lady will declare the demands made upon her 
own time, easy by comparison. 

WRITING TO THE PRESIDENT. 



In writing to the President, he should be addressed 
as "The President — Sir." In speaking to him he is 
designated as "Mr. President." All other officials are 
addressed as "Mr. Vice-President," "Mr. Speaker," 
"Mr. Senator," "Mr. Secretary," while a member of 
the House would be plain "Mister," unless he had 




WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 



61 



another title. In introducing the latter he would 

be called "The Honorable Mr. of " naming 

the State he represented. 

"Among the duties of the cabinet officers is that of 
entertaining Senators, Representatives, Justices of 
the Supreme Court, members of the diplomatic corps, 
and the distinguished people who gather at the capi-. 
tal. Ladies of the families of these officials are includ^ 
ed in the invitations. The season for dinners lasts, 
during the session of Congress. All other officials, 
except the President and cabinet, entertain or not, as 
they choose. The official position imposes no particu- 
lar social obligations, and circumstances, health, and 
all the reasons and motives that influence men and 
women in private life to entertain or not to entertain, 
are taken into consideration in Washington life, and 
the question is decided accordingly. 

"The visiting hours in Washington are from two 
until half-past five. As is true in many other cities, 
many of the very fashionable ladies prefer to walk in 
making calls in fine weather, and many of the richeat 
visiting costumes are made up as short suits." 

DAYS FOR RECEIVING. 

There are certain days alloted for certain classes 
of society to receive. Thus the families of justices 
of the Supreme Court are at home on Monday. The 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 



63 



ABUSING PRIVILEGES. 

It is a fact that the privilege which is thus afforded 
transient visitors is sadly abused, and people will 
intrude upon those with whom they have nothing in 
common, and to whose social circle they could never 
under any other circumstances, gain admission. It 
argues a lack of delicacy of feeling, and is a rudeness 
which will not be perpetrated by refined ladies or gen- 
tlemen. We do not refer now to the receptions. 
Those are given in a hospitable spirit, which extends 
its favors to all; but to that class of sight-seers that 
will call upon private citizens with whom they have 
not even a common acquaintance. The only redress 
that can be had, is not to return such visits, else would 
every private individual be completely at the mercy 
of every one who went to Washington. As an instance 
of this abuse of good manners, we quote from Miss 
Hall, who says: 

"It would seem as if common-sense ought to teach 
people that to a card reception (that is, where the 
guests are all invited by card) no one save those spe- 
cially invited would have a right to go; but the Wash- 
ington tourist is very unreflecting. Where he sees a 
number of carriages standing before the door of a man- 
sion, he immediately enters thereat; and whether he 
is one, or whether he is two hundred, makes abso- 
lutely no difference in his view of the situation. The 



5-- 





64 



WASHING TON ETIQUETTE. 



result of his theories is naturally disastrous. No pri- 
vate house can hold an unlimited number of people; 
and where the uninvited throng in such numbers, the 
invited guests are unable to gain admission. A Wash- 
ington lady received cards for a reception given by an 
official person. It was a little late when she started, 

and upon her arrival in Avenue she found a surging 

throng of people in and around the door of the house 
where the reception was to be held. After striving 
with the crowd for an hour or more, and reaching only 
the vestibule of the mansion, she and her escort gave 
up the attempt to gain further admittance, and went 
home withou f having been to the party at all! It 
transpired afterward that an excursion of two hundred 
people had arrived in Washington on that day, and 
had attended Mr. 's reception en masse!'''' 

WHO NEED NOT ENTERTAIN. 

Senators, Representatives, and other officials, need 
not entertain unless they wish to. The President and 
Cabinet officers are compelled to, by the laws of 
Washington etiquette. 

One peculiar feature of life at Washington will 
strike the visitor, who is at all observant, and that is, 
the retirement in which young people are kept. They 
attend the receptions with their elders, but they do 
not lead or rather tyrannize over society, as they too 





WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 

often try to do in some cities not nearly so cosmopoli- 
tan as Washington. A young lady would not think 
of taking a seat until her mother or the married ladies 
of the party were provided for. Young ladies are not 
invited either to state or formal dinners, but all the 
simpler forms of gayety are left for their participation. 

At morning receptions, a cup of chocolate is usually 
tendered the guest — some add other drinks, with 
tempting confections. The simplest refreshments 
are the most proper, however. 

LEAVING CARDS. 

On making visits, it is the custom among all well- 
bred persons to send in or leave a card. When the 
person called upon is not at home, turn down the 
right-hand upper corner of the card to show that you 
came in person. When you go away from the city, 
leave or send a card in which "P. P. C." is written 
on one of the lower corners, "P. P. C." meaning 
Pour Prendre Conge — to take leave. When a lady 
leaves Washington with the intention of returning at 
some future time, she sends these cards by mail to 
such of her friends as she desires to continue the 
acquaintance with, and when she has come back 
friends may call upon her as soon as they learn of the 
event, or she can send them cards with an "at home" 
day specified upon them. 



V3 





66 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 



The usual hours for calling are from 2 to 5 p. M. 
An evening visit presupposes a degree of social 
acquaintance, and should never be made as a first call. 

LADIES ASSUMING TITLES. 

A custom which is growing in favor is to address 
the wives of dignitaries by the titles which indicate 
the honors of their husbands, as "Mrs. Senator Dur- 
borow," "Mrs. General Dickerson," "Mrs. Secretary 
Bell." Most of such customs, although at first rathei 
out of keeping with our simple republican tastes, 
become familiar to us by usage. 



CHAPTER VII. 



INTRODUCTIONS. — WHAT AN INTRODUCTION SIGNIFIES. 

N introduction is virtually an assurance that the 
parties thus presented to each other are equals 
in point of desirability and reputation, and should on 
this account, be very sparingly given, for no one can 
foresee what the result of any acquaintance will be. 
It is very annoying, after you have thus made two 
people acquainted, to learn that one has "cut" the 
other in some public manner. It is a reflection upon 
your judgment and good intentions. It may prove, 
however, that one or the other learns something derog- 
atory of which you were ignorant, thus still further 
adding to your mortification and dismay. 

On this account we think there is a responsibility 
attached to the giving of introductions, which should 
not be assumed at random. It is better to err upon 
the side of being too careful, than not careful enough. 

PERSONS MET AT A FRIEND 'S HOUSE USUALLY PROPER. 

At the same time it is always to be assumed that 
Such persons as you meet at a friend's house, are 

67 





INTRODUCTIONS. 

proper persons to be introduced to you. It is not, 
however, obligatory upon you to continue the acquaint- 
ance, unless you really wish to. There are cases 
where, by frequently meeting the same persons, and 
finding them very agreeable, and correct in their 
deportment, a friendship has sprung up which has 
proven mutually beneficial. 

LADIES BECOMING ACQUAINTED. 

Two ladies can with propriety, converse, wherever 
they chance to meet, without the formality of an intro- 
duction. This free-masonry among women is very 
charming, we think. 

It is always easy to drop any acquaintance that 
proves undesirable. 

INTRODUCTIONS NOT ALWAYS NECESSARY. 

In England, among the higher social circles, it is 
quite the thing to address people you meet at friends' 
houses. Introductions are often dispensed with. In 
this country, where society is more mixed, it is con- 
sidered the best etiquette for the hostess to introduce 
her guests to each other. If, through any inadvert- 
ence this form is omitted, persons of fine breeding 
will not hesitate to accept each other's polite advances. 
A frigid repulse of any courtesy offered is a direct 
insult to the friends under whose roof you are. 



mi 



"A 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



69 



It is very true that "A disagreeable woman can 
always find reasons enough for being chilling and form- 
al; a fine-tempered woman can always find reasons 
enough for being agreeable." 

One should always acknowledge an introduction, 
even though you receive one to your greatest enemy, 
whom your host has unwittingly presented to you, 
and even though once outside the door you resume 
your old dislike; still, while he is the guest of your 
friend, you should treat him politely, nor disturb the 
harmony which should prevail. 

Do not fancy because a lady or gentleman does not 
recognize you the next time you meet, that it is their 
intention to ignore you. One who is much in society, 
sees so many people that it is impossible to /emember 
all their faces, and many others are preoccupied and 
not designedly neglectful. 

A "cut" direct. 

A direct cut is seldom excusable. Never cut any 
one unless you have grave reasons for wishing to dis- 
continue their acquaintance. Some ladies shrink from 
recognizing a poorly-dressed acquaintance, or one 
whom social position is not as good as their own. 
This feeling borders on snobbishness. At any rate it 
lowers the standard of right and wrong, and shows 
that you are deficient in Christian kindness. 



;o 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



A gentleman never refuses to bow respectfully to 
his servants on the street, and a lady should do the 
same. Her social standing must be far from firm, if 
she fears that she will compromise herself by such civili- 
ties. There is no reason why a lady should bow first. 

The best way is for the one who sees the other first 
to bow, whether it be the lady or the gentleman 

HOW A GENTLEMAN SALUTES. 

When two ladies are walking together, and are met 
by a gentleman known- to one of the ladies, he should 
raise his hat politely to both. Or if a lady is met by 
two gentlemen, one of whom she knows, it is usual 
for both gentlemen to bow to her. 

When introductions take place, the name should 
be very distinctly pronounced. If you do not hear it 
plainly, it is well to say, "I beg pardon, but I did not 
quite catch the name." It prevents awkward mistakes 
afterward. 

A WIFE INTRODUCING HER HUSBAND. 

A wife should introduce her husband in the follow- 
ing manner: "This is my husband, Mr. W'eston," 
and not "This is my husband." If he has a title she 
should add that, as "This is my husband, Judge Os- 
wald." Some ladies feel delicate about this matter, but 
it is proper, as he thus acquires his correct status with 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



71 



strangers. A lady can always introduce the immedi- 
ate members of her family, without asking permission 
to do so. She pays strangers a compliment by this 
attention. 

In introducing any relative, the -full name should be 
given, as "This is my cousin, Miss Mamie Morton," 
not "my cousin Mamie." 

PRESENTING THE YOUNGER TO THE ELDER. 

When there is a marked difference in age, the 
younger lady should be presented to the elder lady, 
unless a superiority exists in position, when the private 
and unknown lady should be presented to the famous 
one. A gentleman is introduced to a lady. But as 
we have said elsewhere, it is unwise to be too ready 
to give introductions. It would be all right could 
one be sure that such acquaintance would only lead to 
pleasant results. 

MENTION THE TITLE. 

Give a man his title. A clergyman should be 
addressed as the Rev. Mr. Blagden; a doctor of 
divinity, as "the Rev. Dr. Mather;" a member of Con- 
gress as "Honorable." 

The usual form of introduction between equals in 
age or position, is "Miss Kay, this is Miss Patterson." 
"Mr. Nagel, Mr. Beth." 



72 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



DO NOT "SCRAPE ACQUAINTANCE." 

No young lady of refinement will "scrape acquaint- 
ance," with one of the opposite sex. We cannot imag- 
ine an occasion where it is permissible. The origin 
of this term "scraping acquaintance" is not of a char- 
acter calculated to inspire one with admiration, but it 
is as lofty as the act itself. This old proverb is 
handed down to us from the times of a very illustri- 
ous personage — the Roman Emperor, Adrian. Of 
course we do not vouch for it. It is related of him 
that he was at the public baths one day when he saw 
one of his veteran soldiers scraping his body with a 
tile. The emperor ordered that his old comrade in 
field and fray, should be supplied with better clean- 
ing materials, and money. 

But his goodness seemed likely to be abused, tor on 
another occasion he found a score of old soldiers who 
had fought under him standing in the water, while 
each was currying himself with a tile and wincing at 
the pain inflicted. 

The emperor perfectly understood the meaning of 
the sight; so he said to them — ■ 

"Ah, my fine fellows, you had better scrape one 
another; for," he added, "you certainly shall not. 
scrape acquaintance with me!" 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



73 



YOUNG LADIES NEED NOT SHAKE HANDS. 

A young lady should not shake hands on being in- 
troduced. A modest bow is sufficient acknowledg- 
ment. This custom of hand-shaking, like many of 
our modern forms, is borrowed from the French. 
The impulsive warmth of their nature makes it nat- 
ural for them to bestow a more hearty greeting than a 
mere nod, but Americans and English show more 
reserve with strangers. 

At a second meeting two ladies may offer their 
hands, but ladies seldom extend their hands to gentle- 
men, save to their most intimate friends. A lady is at 
her best when she exhibits a modest and .retiring 
manner. 

On entering a parlor, if you are not recognized" by 
the lady of the house at once, recall yourself to her 
by mentioning your name. 

The friend who is visiting at your house must be 
introduced to all callers, and they will in return, court- 
eously inclined, pay all the attention in their power, 
such as inviting your guests to their house, planning 
little receptions, etc., during the period of their stay. 

It is also part of your duty as a hostess, to make a 
party in their honor, either when they first arrive, so 
as to give them introductions to your friends, or on 
the evening previous to their departure, as a kindly 
farewell. 




INTRODUCING IN THE STREET. 

When friends meet in the street, and pause for a 
moment's conversation, it is unnecessary to introduce 
a companion you may have. But if you feel that you 
should, you can introduce them. Still, introductions 
of this nature do not compel either party to pursue 
the acquaintance, and a well-bred gentleman will not 
presume upon the opportunity thus given him by 
chance. 

INTRODUCING VISITORS. 

If several visitors call upon a lady at the same time, 
she does not present them to each other, but seeks 
to divide her" time and attention equally among them, 
thus putting them at their ease; in return she ex- 
pects that they will assist her by conversing with each 
other in a friendly way. 

At afternoon teas, kettle-drums, and like gatherings, 
the hostess does not introduce at all, unless gentle- 
men are present. 

All introductions given at a croquet or lawn-tennis 
party, or on a yachting excursion are merely for con- 
venience, and do not involve after recognition, but to 
bow on meeting again, is only polite. 

REQUESTING INTRODUCTIONS. 

A gentlemen may with propriety request an intro- 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



75 



duction to a lady, at a party or ball, and should pay 
her some attention, but the acquaintance need go no 
farther, unless it is mutually desired. 

It is very impertinent for a gentleman to join a lady 
in the street when she is walking with another gentle- 
man; and it would lay him open to the charge of hav- 
ing some motive (most likely an interested one)- in 
thus forcing himself upon another man. 

"It is clearly the duty of a hostess, at a ball or dan- 
cing-party, to endeavor to provide her guests with 
partners, and for that purpose she must either make 
introductions herself or through the help of others. 
She must always ask permission before presenting a 
gentleman to a lady — permission which should never 
be refused unless the lady has very good and strong rea- 
sons for declining to make the gentleman's acquaint- 
ance. Young men often present each other to young 
ladies, and it is entirely proper that they should do 
so if they have first asked leave. A gentleman may 
also ask a lady, if he knows her well, to introduce him 
to another lady when a proper opportunity shall occur. 
Of course he could neither wish nor expect his friend 
to cross a crowded room with him to make the intro- 
duction; because she would then be left to make a bad 
third, or else to retrace her way alone; an awkward 
situation, except for one of the ladies of the house." 



70 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

These should always be left unsealed. It is no I 
expected that their bearers will examine their con- 
tents, still it is understood that they are known to 
them, and unless they are carefully worded, they 
would not be accepted. 

A business letter of introduction is expressed in set 
terms, as — 

Mr. 

Dear Sir — I have the pleasure of introducing to 

you Mr. of . Any favors you may 

extend to him will be appreciated by 

Yours very truly, 



Letters of introduction of a social nature should be 
written very carefully, and on the best of note paper, of 
a neat size, and with an envelope to match. A letter 
of this sort, commending the person introduced, 
should give his full name, the place of his resi- 
dence, and should say as little as possible concerning 
the person introduced, and add that the acquaint- 
ance thus formed, would you are sure, be product- 
ive of mutual pleasure. 

USE JUDGMENT IN GIVING LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

Great discrimination should be exercised in giving 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



77 



ietters of introduction. You become responsible for 
the good behavior of the one whom you introduce. 
You should never take the liberty of furnishing a let- 
ter of introduction only to a friend of long standing. 
Another thing to be considered in a social letter of 
introduction is whether the parties thus made 
acquainted, will prove congenial. If they do not, 
they may both end by blaming you. 

INTRODUCING BY CARD. 

Introductions may be made by card as well as by 
letter. The gentleman introducing the other writes 
upon the upper left hand corner of his own card the 

words "Introducing Mr. ," and incloses it with 

the card of the gentleman so named in an envelope of 
good quality, and of the fashionable style and size. 
The gentleman who receives a business letter of intro- 
duction is not bound to extend any courtesies of a 
social nature. The acquaintance is of a purely busi- 
ness sort, and may end in the store or office, unless he 
chooses it to be otherwise. 

Etiquette declares that these rules shall be observed 
with unvarying exactness. Should the person intro- 
duced be a lady, she follows the same method of inclos- 
ing her card with that of the one introducing her, and 
sends it by mail or a messenger. The lady receiving 
these must call in person, or some member of her 





INTRODUCTIONS. 

family must represent her. If she fails in this, she 
must send a special messenger explaining her reason. 
Three days are the limit allowed for a call to be made, 
and if not made by the expiration of that time, such 
an omission is an act of rudeness to the introducing 
party. 

ATTENDING TO LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

"A letter of introduction, received through the post, 
stating that an individual or family which the writer 
highly esteems, is about to locate near you, and ask- 
ing your kindly attentions, must be answered immedi- 
ately, with expressions of anxiety to be of service to 
the strangers so recommended. The person or family 
thus introduced should be called upon at the first oppor- 
tunity. Such a request to call upon a stranger admit;? 
of no delay, and no after attentions can make amends 
for neglect." 

The custom in Europe is for the person having the 
letter of introduction to make the first call. This is 
repugnant to our independent spirit, as it puts the 
bearer in the position of begging an acquaintance. 
We consider it in far better taste to send it by an- 
other source, and await its acceptance. 

PAPER TO BE USED. 

It may appear a trifling matter and not worthy of 





FRIENDS, 




THE FAIREST FLOWER OF ALL. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



79 



consideration whether a letter of introduction is writ- 
ten upon fine paper, well expressed, and neatly 
inclosed. Or whether its receipt is acknowledged 
promptly. But these details are of importance and 
their observance will determine your reputation as a 
lady or a gentleman, and give you the opportunity of 
conferring the happiness upon others. 



CHAPTER VIIL 



GOING INTO SOCIETY. 

eVERY young lady and young gentleman if blessed 
with a warm social nature, look forward eagerly 
to the period of entering society. By entering society 
they acquire polish, friends, and exchange of thoughts, 
and enlarge their sphere of usefulness. 

SCHOOL-GIRLS SHOULD NOT ENTER SOCIETY. 

No girl should make her debut while she is attend- 
ing school. It is impossible for her to do justice to 
herself, with a divided heart. She cannot keep her 
mind upon those studies which require her entire atten- 
tion, and attend to the demands of the social circle, 
which are exceedingly exacting. Another injury is 
done to society itself, which thus receives a class of 
immature and half-trained girls whose ideas are crude, 
and their manners are apt to be free; they are thus 
anything but ornaments of that society which they 
have entered. 

WHAT AGE TO MAKE A DEBUT. 

The proper age for a young girl to be presented to 

80 




GOING INTO SOCIETY. 

society is when she has left school, and when her mind 
is in a measure prepared for the ordeal. This age is 
from eighteen to twenty. It is made known by the 
mother, who announces to the social world the fact 
that her daughter is a new candidate for social honors, 
by calling with her elder and unmarried daughter (if 
there be one in the family), upon all whom she de- 
sires to present her daughter to; or she leaves their 
own and the father's and mother's cards with those 
whom they design inviting. 

Up to this time the intended debutante has never 
appeared at any gatherings outside her father's house, 
nor at any but informal ones there, such as birthdays, 
christenings, etc. 

Invitations to the event are issued about ten days 
before it is to take place, and are in the following 
form: 

Mr. and Mrs. Wellington 
request the pleasure of presenting 
their eldest (or second, or third) daughter 
Miss Mabel 
to Mr. and Mrs. David Prentice 
on Wednesday evening, at eight o'clock. 
No. 20 Honore St. 
Dancing- at ten. 



The party receiving the invitation should at once 
accept or decline. 





GOING INTO SOCIETY. 

If there are several young ladies in a family, they re- 
ceive an invitation addressed to "The Misses " but 

each young gentleman receives a separate invitation. 

SENDING FLOWERS. 

It is in good taste for near friends who choose, to 
send flowers to the house on the morning of the party 
day; but it is not absolutely required, and you can 
omit this compliment, without giving offense. 

HOW THE DEBUTANTE SHOULD DRESS. 

The dress of the young debutante must be simple 
and tasteful. For the first time in her life she wears 
a dress with a train. It should be of white tulle or 
plain white silk, and fresh flowers should be her only 
ornaments. 

SHE MAY DANCE. 

On this particular occasion she is privileged to 
dance, even though others are slighted. She can 
give herself up to the fullest enjoyment, for she 
stands in the position of the favored guest, for this 
one evening, and her claims are paramount. 

During the reception, she stands at the left of her 
mother. Gentlemen are presented to her, but she is 
presented to her elders and to ladies. The exchange 
of courtesies may be brief, thus giving an opportunity 
for each guest to congratulate her. 




7 



GOING INTO SOCIETY. 



88 



WHO ESCORTS HER TO SUPPER. 

When supper is announced, a brother escorts the 
debutante to the table, the father follows with the 
most distinguished lady of the party, and the young 
daughter is seated upon the right of her father. If 
she has no brother, the father accompanies her to the 
supper-room, while the mother follows with the most 
honored of the gentlemen present. 

On the night of her entree into society, the gentle- 
man who has the honor of the first dance with her, is 
selected by the mother, and is usually a relative or 
intimate friend. 

During her first season she does not attend parties 
without a chaperone, or make any calls unaccompanied 
by her mother. 

THE DUTIES DEVOLVING UPON THE DEBUTANTE. 

Having fairly been launched upon society, it is the 
duty of the young lady to make the most of her oppor- 
tunities. Society is not a conglomeration of frivolous 
people with neither solidity nor sense, but it is a com- 
munion of minds, a gathering together of the bright, 
the witty, the intellectual, as well as the trifling. Of 
these various factors, the polish and culture, which 
results from attrition, leads to a blending of the whole, 
brightening daily life. 

Once out upon this current, there is much to be 





GOING INTO SOCIETY. 

avoided, and much to be cultivated. First, then, 
remember, that merely fashionable life, showy gather- 
ings, gay company, where the heart is left out of the 
catalogue, and hollow professions take its place, is 
not good society. We would say to the young girl, 
you are in good society when your companions of 
either sex are pure, true, natural; when the young 
gentlemen you know are manly, frank, trustworthy; 
when there is no miserable pretense of goodness, but 
a fresh, wholesome, honest nature, unsullied by vices 
the young man of the period thinks necessary to 
affect; when the girls you choose for friends are true- 
hearted and simple; who are not vain and silly; who 
have an idea in their head beyond flirting and gay 
dress. Do not accept as a friend a girl who does not 
trust and honor her parents. Such an one can never 
be true in any relation of life which she assumes. 

CALLING AFTER THE PARTY. 

The ceremonious calls which follow the party include 
the young lady, but during her first season she has 
no card of her own, does not call alone, nor does she 
receive gentlemen without her mother's presence or a 
chaperon. 

Avoid dressing flashily. It is desirable to be known 
as a lady who never offends good taste by glaring 
colors or ill-fitting garments. 




GOING INTO SOCIETY. 



35 



A young girl's conversation should be free from 
gossip and envy. And she should never sanction dis- 
paraging remarks about an absent friend. 

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. 

A respectful demeanor toward the aged is a pecul- 
iar charm in a young lady. Never call attention to 
any peculiarities others may possess. Do not make 
jokes at their expense, for the purpose of establishing 
a reputation for cheap wit. A young girl should 
guard her language well. Sharp sayings and sarcas- 
tic repartee come with very disagreeable effect from 
her lips. 

A true lady will always repulse familiarity or 
rudeness, either of speech or manner. 

THE ADVENT IN SOCIETY OF THE ELDEST SON. 

In England the eldest son first enters society on the 
day he attains his majority, and much prominence is 
given to the event. But in this country very little 
formality is observed. His first steps in this direc- 
tion are taken by escorting his mother and sisters to 
parties, balls and visits. He thus becomes, through 
observation, fitted to assume all the obligations which 
society imposes upon him. In England, on the con- 
trary, the eldest son enters society only upon attaining 
his majority, and great rejoicing is had over the event. 





GOING INTO SOCIETY. 



BE OBLIGING. 



When a young lady is asked to sing or play in com- 
pany, she should never be in too great haste to do so, 
nor should she be urged a long time. In the first 
place, she will be thought too anxious to display her 
accomplishments, and in the second people grow so 
weary of importuning that they do not enjoy her 
attempt. There is a happy medium between the two. 
Respond pleasantly, and do not sing or play but one 
air at a time. If your auditors really enjoy your 
efforts, you will soon be convinced of that fact. 

THE CARDS USED. 

The first season of the young lady, it is proper that 
her name should appear on her cards as "Miss Ford," 
if she is the eldest unmarried daughter. But if she 
have older sisters at home, she is "Miss Maude A. 
Ford." After her first season, she has a separate 
card, and is fairly entitled to all the privileges of the 
fascinating world of society. 

Never be the last to leave a party if you can possi- 
bly avoid it. You should always thank your hostess 
for the pleasure the evening has afforded you. 



EDUCATION 



Many accomplishments are necessary for the com- 
plete success of a young lady m society. She should 



GREAT HELP. 



i §4 - 





GOING INTO SOCIETY. 



87 



of course have the groundwork of a good education. 
If she knows some French and German, so much the 
better. She should be able to play some musical 
instrument, although she need not be a "star" per- 
former. She should use correct language, have a 
pleasant manner, sit and walk gracefully, and dance 
well. She should have a general knowledge of the 
rules governing polite society, and have a sufficient 
amount of self-control to enable her to conceal or 
repress herlikes and dislikes. And above all, she should 
be neat and sensible in her dress, being something of 
an artist at the toilet. 

DUTIES OF A YOUNG SOCIETY MAN. 

The young man in society can, by many little atten- 
tions to others, place himself on record as an exponent 
of a true gentleman. He will never indulge in slang 
or pointed jokes, even though he is well acquainted 
with every member of the company in which he is. 

He also shows a gentle deference for all, and seeks 
their comfort and convenience on all occasions. 

MAKE YOURSELF AGREEABLE TO WOMEN. 

We would remind the young man entering society 
that he should make it his constant endeavor to win 
the approbation of women. Their good opinion is 
absolutely necessary; and he will find that many a 



88 



GOING INTO SOCIETY. 



hint and many a word of encouragement will come 
from them unsolicited, if he will show himself quick 
to receive them. 

Nearly all men, particularly the novice in society, 
are greatly at fault when it comes to the nice little 
shades of propriety, and they can best learn what is 
the correct thing to do, in many cases, from the gen- 
tler sex — perhaps from those who are to be regarded as 
wall-flowers. They will take interest in a bright, 
agreeable young man, and will help train him in the 
matter of etiquette. 

LEARN OF OLDER PEOPLE. 

When a young man has learned how to converse 
easily and unaffectedly with the old, he is sure of 
their good-will. There are many attentions which it 
is in their power to bestow, which cost them nothing, 
only the opportunity to put them in practice. The 
cheerful offer of a more eligible seat, a casual inquiry 
after their health, an interest shown in a subject that 
pleases them — all these are but trifles, and yet are 
productive of much good. 

DO NOT SLIGHT ANYONE. 

A gentleman in society is always ready to offer his 
services to ladies — he is especially attentive to those 
who are not gifted with much beauty or are not young. 



GOING INTO SOCIETY. 



SO 



It may seem almost incredible, in this fast and rush- 
ing age, but there are old and middle-aged people 
whom it is a delight to talk to. It seems strange to 
young people, who very naturally prefer the 
friends near their own age, that any one who has 
outlived the "heyday of youth" can charm. From 
their conversation rich stores can be gathered. And 
it should be totally superfluous to remind young men 
and women of this fact were it not unfortunately true 
that so many are thoughtless and impolite to the 
elders. 

COMPLIMENTS SUPERFLUOUS. 

A young gentleman should not offer frivolous com- 
pliments. They have no meaning, and their insin- 
cerity is soon detected by the recipients. Honest 
praise is always agreeable, but not the fulsome flat- 
tery whose thin mask is so transparent. 

EASE OF MANNER. 

A young man should acquire an ease of manner, 
which will fit him for any station. This can be ob- 
tained by close observation, and the tact to adapt 
one's self to the occasion. Books will aid some in 
this direction, but contact with society will help far 
more. He should not confound civility with forward- 
ness, a natural ease with an affected and stilted 
demeanor, and should not in his desire to be witty 
and genial, border on the familiar and coarse. 



90 



GOING INTO SOCIETY. 



CHOOSE GOOD COMPANIONS. 

A choice of good companions should be made early. 
It is the easiest thing in the world to copy uncon- 
sciously, and therefore a young man's intimate friends 
should be men of superior minds, who will, by their 
dignified example, become models worthy of his imi- 
tation. Elegant manners are a means of refinement 
that are of great benefit to any one, and to a young 
man who expects to win his way in life, whether in 
a profession, or out of it, they are of the greatest con- 
sequence. 

A word from an author whose judgment is unques- 
tioned, is that "A man who does not solidly establish, 
and really deserve a character for truth, probity, good 
manners, and good morals, at his first setting out in 
the world, may deceive and shine like a meteor for a 
very short time, but will soon vanish and be extin- 
guished with contempt." 

DRESS TASTILY. 

One thing we would impress upon the young man 
in society. Let your dress be as neat and tasty as is 
consistent with your means. But do not adopt loud 
and flashy colors. Wear nothing that is not paid for. 
In spending money, do not show a grudging, sordid 
spirit, but practice a proper economy. No one will 
blame you for that. Often young men are betrayed 



GOING INTO SOCIETY. 



91 



into larger expenditures than they can afford, from a 
fear that they will be called "close." 

ASSUMING AN AIR OF WEARINESS. 

Do not assume a blase demeanor. No one likes a 
young man who affects to have drained the chalice of 
life, ere he has even sipped it. The greatest charm 
either man or woman can possess is that gay good 
nature and brilliant spirits that belong by right to 
youth. And the young man who tries to appear much 
older than he is in his life experiences, will certainly 
disenchant, rather than attract. 

PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE AROUND YOU. 

A gentleman should pay some regard to those who 
are striving to interest him. It is a certain form of 
selfishness to be inattentive to what is being said, 
and will only awaken hostility in those around you. 
Attend strictly to the speaker, so that you may be in 
a position to answer properly the train of thought 
which he is indulging in. 



CHAPTER IX. 



PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIRE ENTERTAINMENTS. ENTER- 
TAINMENTS DESIRABLE. 

IT is useless for people to rail at parties, balls, and 
their accompaniments as vain displays of fashion 
and finery. They are far more; they are gatherings 
of the grave and the gay, the witty and the wise; a 
cementing together of all the varied elements which 
compose modern society into one symmetrical whole; 
an aid to the acquisition of that ease of manner which 
all wish to possess. 

The pleasures which these entertainments introduce 
are lasting in their refining influence. Society is a 
school where a friendly rivalry brings out the finer 
feelings, and by attrition quickens the indolent or 
careless into action by observation and emulation. 

The list of entertainments offered by society to its 
votaries is sufficiently extensive to embrace all ages, 
and all tastes. 

THE KETTLE-DRUM. 

Prominent among these is an informal affair called 

the "Kettle-drum," which as its name signifies, was 

92 






PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 

originally an unpretentious affair, invented by the 
wives of officers in India, who being circumscribed in 
their social pleasures, invited each other to these small 
receptions, and served their rolls, coffee, sandwiches, 
etc., on the drum head. To preserve it in all its 
original simplicity, it should be held in the afternoon, 
the refreshments should be simple, and the dresses 
worn the same as at a reception. The ladies receive 
standing, but one of the ladies of the family or a 
friend pours the tea or coffee. Invitations are issued 
after this fashion: 



Mrs. Leonard Miller. 



Kettle-drum, 

March Seventeenth — 4 to 7. 



The entertainment consists of music and conversa- 
tion. Introductions are not given, but every guest is 
expected to feel at perfect liberty to enjoy himself or 
herself. 

FIVE O'CLOCK TEAS. 

These teas are even more informal than the kettle- 
drum. Fewer guests are invited, and the cards of 
invitation sent out are merely a visiting card with the 



5f 



3/ 



94 



PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 



3^ 



word "Five o'clock tea" added in the left-hand corner. 
Refreshments are not elaborate, and are served by 
the members of the family, unassisted by the servants. 

A MUSICALE. 

A musicale is rather a difficult entertainment, as its 
success depends wholly upon the artists whose names 
appear upon the programme. They are commonly 
held in the afternoon. It is not really a concert, for 
it has its social features, as a supper or collation is 
offered to the guests. Large rooms are necessary, so 
that singers and players can be heard to better advan- 
tage, and there will be no over-crowding on the part 
of the guests. All extra furniture should be removed, 
and drapery serves to weaken the effect. 

Eleven pieces make a sufficiently long programme — 
and may be all vocal or instrumental and vocal com- 
bined. 

A RUDENESS MANY ARE GUILTY OF. 

A breach of good manners is committed when guests 
whisper, are restless, or exhibit weariness. If you 
do not love music enough to keep quiet, home is the 
proper place for you. The hostess should, however, 
see that the instrumental pieces are not too long. 

THE PROGRAMMES. 

The programmes should be printed on card-board, 



PARTIES, BALLS. AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 95 



of good size, and are provided for the guests before 
the music commences. 

The dress should be the same as at an afternoon 
reception, save that the bonnet and wrap are laid 
aside. A hot supper should be proffered the singers — 
it is not only thoughtful, but singers need nourishing 
food. 

Invitations to any entertainment must be answered 
at once, that the hostess may know how many to 
expect, and fill the places of those who cannot be 
present. 

THE LUNCH. 

The "lunch" proper is entirely a ladies' affair, and 
gentlemen are not invited. The food is served in a 
very ceremonious manner, and the table is set with 
great elegance. 

The dresses worn are rich and costly, and the forms 
observed are similar to those for dinners. 

CROQUET, ETC. 

Croquet, lawn-tennis and archery parties require no 
ceremony. Dresses must be simple, such as are com- 
fortable and tasty for outdoor sport. 

A lunch to which friends are asked to "drop in" is 
an easy-going meal. Refreshments are served cold, 
guests sit where they please, and if they come late it 
is not considered rude. 





96 PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 
GENTLEMEN ' S SUPPERS. 

"Suppers" are gentlemen's parties, and are either 
wine suppers, fish suppers, or game suppers. They 
are attended only by men, whose powers of eating 
and drinking and telling stories must be immense. 
They are usually kept up till a late hour, and we 
feel certain that all good wives frown upon them. 

THE EVENING PARTY. 

The party held in the evening may be either very 
elaborate or more simple in its details, in keeping 
with the ambition and means of its giver. Having 
decided upon the amount of outlay, and selected the 
guests to be invited, invitations should be issued ten 
days previous to the party. This is a good form: 

Mr. and Mrs. John Montgomery 
request the pleasure of your presence 
on Wednesday evening, 
January 4th, at eight o'clock. 
16 Euclid Avenue. 

Dancing at 10. 

the invitation. 

This invitation should be engraved on small-sized 
note-paper, and may be forwarded by mail. The 
parents and all the younger members of the family 
should receive separate invitations. 




«s3 



PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 97 



A reply from those receiving invitations should be 
returned at once: 

Mr. and Mrs. Horace Elliott accept with pleasure 
Mr. and Mrs. John Montgomery's invitation for Jan- 
uary 4th. 

19 Harrison St. 

DECLINING AN INVITATION. 

If it is necessary to decline an invitation it should 
be in the following terms: 

Mr. and Mrs. Horace Elliott regret that they cannot 
accept Mr. and Mrs. John Montgomery's kind invita- 
tion for January 4th, owing to their being called away 
from home by sickness of relatives at a distance. 

19 Harrison St. 

NAMING YOUR REASONS. 

It is absolutely necessary that you should name your 
reasons for declination, especially if the invitation 
be a first one. You should call on the friends who 
sent you the invitation, whether you attended the 
party or not, a few days after- it has taken place. It 
is a social debt which you owe them. 

INVITING HUSBAND AND WIFE. 

When a husband is invited, the wife must be in- 
cluded, and vice versa. Either will resent an affront 



98 PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 



of this nature put upon the other. It is no excuse 
that you are not "much acquainted" or "do not like 
her." They both belong in the same circle, and it is 
your business to know and receive both together. 

DANCING. 

Dancing does not always form part of the entertain- 
ment at evening parties. There may be conversation, 
cards, games, or music alone provided. Where danc- 
ing does not constitute the main pleasure, these may 
also be added, for even in fashionable society, all do 
not dance. 

WHEN TO ARRIVE. 

The hour for arriving, as also for departure, should 
be moderately early. In this country, where nearly 
all are engaged in business, it is wise and proper to 
keep more temperate hours than are kept by the leis- 
ure classes abroad, to whom night is nearly as day. 

PROVIDING SUPPER. 

A supper is always provided, and the arrangemeni 
of the table should be in good taste. Of the conduct 
at supper, we cannot do better than to quote from a 
well-known authority on matters of etiquette, who 
says: 

"It is ill-bred to eat largely at the supper. To say 
nothing of- the ruinous effect of gorging at late hours. 



PARTIES, B4LLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 99 



it is in bad taste. The ball and evening party, are 
social affairs, and feasting merely incidental. To 
reverse the conditions is ill-bred. To drink to excess 
is worse than ill-bred, and even the temperate and 
total-abstinents will do well to talk and dance with 
extra caution after supper, as any license of speech 
or act may be attributed to the wine which has stolen 
away brain and self-control at the same time. No 
well-bred hostess can forgive any such abuse of her 
hospitality. When supper is announced at a ball, the 
gentleman invites the ladies with whom he happens 
to be in conversation, or the lady with whom he has 
danced last, unless he sees that those whom he has 
escorted, are unattended, in which case his first duty 
is to them. If possible, he should be near enough to 
offer them his services at this time, but it is not 
always easy to anticipate the time. If a lady is 
attended by a chaperon, he must escort both. No 
lady is at liberty to refuse the escort of any gentleman 
to supper, no matter who attended her to the party, 
or what her preferences may be. It is not well-bred 
even to show any reluctance or hesitation. The place 
is too public and formal for the indulgence of any 
whims, and a general rush of gentlemen to join their 
respective parties, on the announcement of supper, 
would create unseemly and needless confusion. At 
the 'stand-up suppers,' which follow the English 






100 PAR TIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 

fashion, the escort must see that the ladies he attends 
are served before he refreshes himself, and no lady 
is at liberty to accept the attentions of any gentle- 
man other than her escort to supper. If he neglects 
her, she must ask a servant for what she wants." 

"Pink teas" or "dinners" being still popular and 
enjoyable, we will refer to them in passing. They are 
so called from the fact that all the table linen, dishes, 
ornaments, etc., are of one color — as "pink" or 
"blue," according as they are designated. 

Young men sometimes commit the error of fancying 
that it is impolite to leave a young lady's side until 
some other gentleman engages her in conversation. 
Such an idea places both parties under restraint. It 
is good manners to excuse yourself and seek the 
society of another, after having shown some atten- 
tions to a lady. It gives her the opportunity of enjoy- 
ing the conversation of several, and relieves her of the 
appearance of monopolizing. 

Children's parties should be simple in character. 
Evening hours are not as healthful for the little folks 
as the afternoon hours. If the parties are held in the 
evening, the hours should be from 7 to 10, at the 
utmost. 

Children enjoy these gatherings with all the strength 
of their fresh natures, and should have the gratifica- 
tion of being treated liberally to them. 




PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 101 



Birthdays especially should be observed. Even in 
the house of mourning they may be kept up, for chil- 
dren should not be forced to share in a grief which 
they cannot understand. 

Refreshments should be abundant, but not rich. 

Plenty of cakes, nuts, fruits, with lemonade, ices 
and coffee, are suitable. Cold chicken, roast beef 
sliced very thin, and made into delicate little sand- 
wiches, are nice. 

Do not forget the birthday cake, the crowning glory 
of the party. The child in whose honor the party is 
given, must cut the cake and serve it to the others, if 
he or she is old enough to know how to attend to it. 

If not, the duty devolves upon an older sister, or 
the mother. 

Dancing, games, and riddle-guessing are among the 
recreations. It is not expected that presents should 
be brought by the little guests, although it is often 
done. 

A ball is usually a very elaborate affair. Dancing 
has become so generally acknowledged to be an in-, 
nocent recreation, and is practiced so universally, that 
the etiquette of the ball-room demands a place here. 
Four musicians are ample provision for the musical 
part, and the largest room in the house should be used 
for the ball. It should be as barren of furniture as 
possible. Pictures and carpets should be removed, 







102 PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 

and only a row of chairs left standing against the wall 
for the use of the lookers-on, and the tired dancers, 
when their partners lead them to a seat. 

Invite your guests to a number that will prevent 
crowding, either on the part of the dancers, or those 
who look on. And endeavor to make up your company 
of those who approve of, and are fond of dancing. 

Invitations to a ball are sent out about a week pre- 
vious, so that guests may have time to decide on 
their dress. Do not wound the prejudices of those 
who are opposed to this form of enjoyment, by ask- 
ing their presence. 

There should be a dressing-room for the gentlemen. 
Here a man-servant should be in readiness to take 
their hats, coats and canes and to show any attention 
required. The ladies' room must be provided with 
several glasses, brushes, combs, hair pins and all the 
accessories of the toilet. A maid must be ready to 
assist the ladies. 

After the ladies have adjusted their toilets, they 
rejoin their escorts, and proceed to the ball-room, and 
advance toward the hostess, and pay their respects 
in a few well-chosen words. The gentlemen then seek 
their host, and address words of greeting to him. The 
ladiesand gentlemen are then free to walk about, 
indulge in snatches of conversation, or amuse them- 
£e]ves a s best they can until dancing begins. A lady 



PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 



103 



must always dance the first dance with her escort. 

Some people imagine they are earning a reputation 
of being fashionable by appearing late at a ball or 
party. Not so. When guests arrive in season, a 
pleasanter evening is assured, and it shows a regard 
for the wishes of the hostess, who has named an hour 
at which she desires to receive her guests. 

The duty of receiving the guests belongs to the 
hostess, but the host should always be at hand to assist 
her if needed. When there are sons in the family 
which is giving the ball, they should look after the 
interests of the young ladies, procuring them partners 
for the dances, and remembering that flirtations are 
out of place at that time. The daughters of the house, 
must see that their friends are enjoying themselves, 
and not dance while other young ladies are neglected. 

As introductions at balls are understood to be tor 
the purpose of dancing, it is not necessary to recog- 
nize them afterward, though it is polite to bow. 

Noisy talking is improper in a ball-room. 

Never overlook or refuse to fill an engagement upon 
your card. It is unpardonable. 

White gloves (kid of course) are worn. Light and 
very delicate shades are permitted, also. Gloves are 
removed from the hands at supper. 

A married couple should not dance together more 
than once in an evening. 





104 PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 



If a lady refuses to engage in a dance with a gen- 
tleman, unless her excuse is that she is previously en- 
gaged, do not accept another invitation for the same 
dance. 

Do not enter the ball-room leaning on the arm of 
your escort. The lady enters first, the gentleman 
closely following. 

In asking a lady to dance, the correct form is — ■ 
"May I have the pleasure of the next waltz (cotillon) 
with you?" If accepted, he should enter her name on 
his card, and his last name on hers. 

When a gentleman's hands perspire, which cannot 
be helped, often, if there is any danger of his soiling 
his partner's dress, by contact with it in waltzing, it 
is an evidence of care which will be appreciated, for 
him to hold his handkerchief in his hand to shield the 
dress. No gentleman will encircle the waist of his 
partner for a waltz until the music begins, and as 
soon as it ceases, he removes his arm. We have seen 
a gentleman at the end of a round dance escort a lady 
to a seat, retaining his arm about her waist, but he 
was very verdant, or very ill-bred. 

The German, being a dance in which no lady can 
refuse to dance with any gentleman present, is only 
adapted to private balls. It is a very beautiful and 
popular dance. A good leader is indispensable in 
this dance; whose familiarity with all the figures will 
insure success. 



PARTIES, BALLS, AND LIKE ENTERTAINMENTS. 105 



Dancing is almost as old as the world. The oldest 
records of the race, sacred and profane, allude to it. 
In most ancient nations it was part of their religious 
rites. The primitive Christians certainly danced at 
their religious meetings. Aristotle ranked dancing 
with poetry, and Socrates took pains to learn the art. 
The Spartans passed a law requiring parents to train 
their children in dancing after the age of five years. 
The modern dances practiced for amusement are, 
however, much quieter and less exciting than the old 
dances associated with religion and war. 



CHAPTER X. 



TRAVELING MANNERS. 



HERE is no situation in life where the innate 



^ selfishness of human nature will crop out so un- 
blushingly as in traveling. It is so easy to be just a 
little rude or selfish, and so natural to flatter oneself 
that not one of your dear five hundred friends will 
know it, forgetting that in these days of rapid transit, 
the doings and sayings of people become common 
property in a very short space of time; while the 
little act of selfishness or the generous sacrifice of 
to-day, in a far-off land, may be flashed across the 
world ere to-morrow's sun arises. 

Would that all could remember this, and when 
undertaking a journey, whether of long or short dura- 
tion, take a vast stock of patience and politeness with 
them, lest the supply fail when most needed. 

Travel broadens the mind, and takes us from out 
our little, narrow sphere into the wide expanse of the 
world at large. It preaches many things of value. 
New scenes, new people, are brought to our very 
doors, and the interchange of thought gives food for 




106 



TRAVELING MANNERS. 



107 



reflection and adds polish and grace to our daily lives. 

But the tourist in a foreign land needs to be espe- 
cially careful in his thoughtlessness, not to offend the 
peculiar manners and customs of the country which 
he visits, and not to air his opinions to every stranger. 
Nearly every one is apt to be less cautious about his 
behavior abroad than at home. If all could only 
feel that they are accepted as representatives of their 
native land, they would guard its good name more 
tenderly, by acting under all circumstances, as ladies 
and gentlemen. 

There is a marked contrast between the rush and 
scramble of Americans when traveling and their ease 
of manner when at home. Why should this be? 

American gentlemen are the most chivalrous of men. 
Early training, the deference accorded women, the 
influence of good homes, have helped to make them 
so, and yet to see them as we have, pushing and 
jostling ladies at the ticket office of a railway station, 
or the entrance to a theater — or taking all the seats 
in a car, and allowing ladies to stand, would impress 
a stranger with a very different idea of that chivalry 
of which we like to boast. 

There must be some demoralizing influence in a 
railway train, for one continually sees exhibitions of 
rudeness there. 

There is a pleasant side to this, however, and that 






TRAVELING MANNERS. 

is found in the fact, that, no matter if the gentlemen 
are a little rude in their eager quest for a place, a lady 
who acts with propriety, can journey from one end of 
our country to the other with safety. Women are 
held in high esteem, and are certain of protection 
when they require it. 

It is always more desirable to have an escort when 
traveling, for there are many little anxieties which 
he can assume, thus making a lady's journey more 
enjoyable. 

The first office of such escort is to either accom- 
pany his charge to the depot, or meet her 
there in ample time to obtain her tickets, check her 
baggage, and procure a good seat in the car for her. 

He looks after her hand baggage, assists her in 
and out of the car, makes all inquiries about the 
route, brings her a glass of water when she wishes it, 
and performs many acts of politeness which readily 
suggest themselves to a kindly disposed, well-bred 
gentleman. 

After making the lady as comfortable as possible, 
he makes himself agreeable to her by pointing out 
the objects of interest from the car window; or if she 
is disinclined for further conversation, he lets her 
relapse into thought, or else provides her with reading 
matter. We do not think however, it is well to 
read on the cars, owing to the motion, still many 




TRAVELING MANNERS. 



109 



make a practice of doing so, without receiving any 
apparent injury to their sight. It is very discourteous 
to read, unless the lady is engaged in the same man- 
ner. 

At the termination of the journey he sees to obtain- 
ing a carriage for her, and looks after her baggage. 
He may accompany her to the home of her friends, 
or to the hotel which she is to stop at. The next day 
he calls on her to inquire how she bore the fatigue 
of her journey. His duties as escort are then ended. 

No gentleman should be asked to take care of a 
lady in traveling unless he is known to her friends as 
a man in good standing, and worthy of the trust. 
And no parent or guardian should request a total 
stranger on whom he has no claims, to take charge 
of a lady, merely because he happens to be traveling 
in the same direction. 

A lady should not concern herself with any of the 
details of her trip, when she has an escort. It is pre- 
sumed that he knows more about traveling than she 
does, and it will annoy him to be continually asked 
about the safety of baggage, whether they are on the 
right train, and numberless other fussy questions that 
would scarcely be excusable in children. 

The lady or her relatives should supply the escort 
with sufficient money to defray all her expenses. 
Some prefer to have, the gentleman attend to these 



8r? 




110 



TRAVELING MANNERS. 



b5M 



matters, and settle the account at the end of the jour- 
ney. But a strict record of all the items should be 
kept, in this case. The first method is preferable. 

Ladies should not have a myriad of packages for 
an escort to guard. We have often envied the man 
who said that he could put his wardrobe in a collar 
box — what a world of trouble he saved himself ! Some 
ladies (of course not many) think a Saratoga trunk 
not large enough to hold all their possessions, but they 
are burdened with one or two hand sachels, a shawl, 
various small parcels, a lunch-basket, and finish up 
with a bird cage! Fancy the feelings of a gentleman 
who is expected to take charge of a lady with all these 
appendages. 

When a lady travels alone she should be at the 
depot early enough to purchase her ticket and to make 
any inquiries of the ticket agent, respecting the route. 
She should never permit a stranger to purchase her 
ticket or check her trunk. There are proper persons 
for those services. 

Be sure to carry more money than you expect to 
require, but do not display it to strangers. Depots 
are full of adventurers and sharpers, waiting to 
•'entrap the unwary." We know a gentleman who, 
when traveling, always divided his money with his 
wife, she carrying half, and he the other half, his rea- 
son being that if he were robbed, or by any accideD* - 




A 




THE LAST GLIMPSE. 



TRAVELING MANNERS. 



Ill 



Ilk 



they were separated on their journey, neither would 
be left unprovided for. 

Jewelry should not be worn in traveling; and do 
not consult your watch every few moments. 

If you desire any information, apply to the conduct- 
or. He is the one best able to give you any direc- 
tions. At the same time, a lady will not refuse any 
offer of assistance, such as raising or lowering a win- 
dow, changing seats, to avoid a draught, calling a car- 
riage, etc. Gentlemen understand perfectly how to 
offer such services, and will not presume upon their 
acceptance to force an acquaintance. 

A lady may make herself agreeable to her fellow- 
passengers if the journey be long, without being mis- 
construed. But an acquaintance begun on a railway 
train should end there. Very young ladies should be 
cautious and reserved with young men. 

When a coat or valise is left on a seat, it is un- 
derstood that it has been reserved for the owner, and 
no lady or gentleman will remove such articles, and 
take possession of the seat. If the car is full, it is 
proper to take any seat that is vacant, even by the 
side of a gentleman, first inquiring if the seat is 
occupied. 

As soon as you are seated, don't throw the window 
up, thus admitting the soot, and perhaps imperiling 
the life of another by the cold air. The one who sits 



112 



TRAVELING MANNERS. 



behind you will suffer from the draught more than the 
occupant of the seat by your side. 

Gentlemen, don't expectorate tobacco-juice on the 
floor, for the skirts of the lady who may be sitting 
near you, to wipe up. Nor shell nuts and peel oranges, 
making a litter. Would you be guilty of such rude- 
ness in a parlor? A pleasant little incident occurred 
on a train lately which proved the truth of the value 
of early training. A little boy of six was in the car 
with his parents, and was given an orange. He peeled 
it, and looked anxiously around for a receptacle for 
the skin. "Oh, throw it under your seat," the father 
said, carelessly. "But, papa, I mustn't throw things 
on the floor," he answered. He recognized the fact 
that the same good manners should be practiced 
abroad as at home. His father quietly opened the 
window, and threw out the refuse. 

RIGHTS OF ELDERLY LADIES. 

Elderly ladies, who are acccustomed to traveling, 
should deem it a privilege to exercise a supervision 
over younger and more inexperienced ladies, thus 
throwing a mantle of protection around them, and 
also relieving their loneliness. Ladies should always 
be friendly and helpful to each other. 

No passenger has a right to occupy two seats with 
their personal property, unless there is abundance of 



TRAVELING MANNERS. 



113 



room; and we feel that anyone is almost justified in 
taking by force what common politeness on the part 
of another should freely accord him. 

When you lay aside your wraps in the car, resume 
them before the car has nearly stopped at your sta- 
tion. It is rather undignified to make your toilet and 
your exit from the car at one and the same time. 

don't be selfish. 

If you are in a sleeping car don't stay in the dress- 
ing-room so long that every other lady is debarred 
from the same privilege. Be as quick as possible, or 
you will appear very selfish. 

CARE FOR YOUR VALUABLES. 

Intrust your valuables to the porter for safe-keep- 
ing. He usually receives a small fee for the service, 
but you are not compelled to offer him one. The 
company employs him for the accommodation of the 
traveling public. 

A gentleman should not leave his coat or handbag 
in a seat, and then spend his time in the smoking car, 
while a lady may be standing. 

DO NOT JOSTLE. 

When you leave the cars at a station for a meal, 
do not jostle and scramble for the best place, and 



IU 



TRAVELING MANNERS. 



clamor to be served at once. There is usually time 
allotted for eating in a self-possessed and gentlemanly 
way. 

If you leave an umbrella or any other article in a 
car, apply at the office of the company, and they will 
assist you in tracing it up. 

Never leave a train till it has fully stopped. Many 
serious accidents have been caused by too great 
haste. 

WHO SHALL PAY FARE. 

It is laughable to hear two ladies in a street car dis- 
puting as to who shall pay the fare. "I'll pay 
this time." "Now, you shall not — it's my turn." 
"No, I have the change!" And thus they argue, 
pocket-books in hand, while the waiting conductor is 
inwardly wishing them some terrible fate. If your 
friend offers to pay your fare, consent to her doing so. 
You will probably have an opportunity to return the 
favor. If you design paying for both, it is the most 
polite way to have the exact change ready, and pass 
t to the conductor without any reference to it. 

TAKE TIME TO LEAVE THE CAR. 

When the train has reached its destination, do not 
rush wildly out, pushing your fellow passengers out of 
the way. It is both selfish and ill-bred. Be prompt 
to assist a young child or an aged person from the car. 




TRAVELING MANNERS. 



TRAVELING IN THE NIGHT. 



A lady should try and arrange her trip, when with- 
out an escort, so that she will not be compelled to 
change cars in the night. If she has to do so, she 
must place herself under the care of the conductor, or 
some married couple, until the transfer is made. 
The reasons are obvious. There are always "wolves 
in sheep's clothing," who would direct her wrong, par- 
ticularly in large cities. 

If she arrives in the place where she is to stop at 
night, and her friends have failed to meet her, or 
may not know she is coming on that train, she had 
better not take a hack. Choose rather a 'bus or 
street-car, where there are plenty of people. 

PRESENCE OF MIND. 

Always maintain your presence of mind under all 
circumstances. Do not become excited at any emer- 
gency, but keep your wits about you. There are 
always good people who will advise and assist you. 

If these simple rules are observed, any lady may 
take a journey unattended, without an unpleasant 
incident. A quiet, lady-like manner will comman 
respect. Occasionally a rough, impertinent fellow 
may be encountered, who will annoy a lady, but if her 
dignified reserve does not check his advances, she will 
always find defenders who will teach him his place. 







TRAVELING MANNERS. 



STEAMER ACQUAINTANCES. 




On a steamer where people are thrown together for 
days, many pleasant acquaintances spring into exists 
ence, and some warm friendships which have stood 
the test of time have been formed. 

But even here where much freedom is allowed, it is 
conceded that a certain degree of reserve should 
obtain on the part of a lady, and that no familiarity 
should be permitted; also that an acquaintance 
formed here need not proceed any further than the 
place which gave it countenance. 

Good-breeding forbids that you monopolize the 
steamer Diano or do all the talking in the ladies' 
cabin. 

Pay some regard to the comfort of those who retire 
earlier than you care to. Boisterous laughter and 
loud talking are contrary to that politeness which 
springs from a kind heart. 

EATING HASTILY. 

At the table do not eat hastily and greedily. It is 
not only ill-mannered, but it is not a healthy prac- 
tice. Time is ample here, and you have not the excuse 
of a hastily-eaten meal at a railway station. Besides, 
the hundred or more pairs of eyes that are observing 
you, will comment unfavorably. 

Never allude to sea-sickness at the table. Most 



^ > 








TRAVELING MANNERS. 



11? 



every one is squeamish on the water, and any allu- 
sion of this sort is in bad taste. 

Remember here, as elsewhere, to avoid giving 
offense, and regard the rights of all. 







CHAPTER XL 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



PEILE says — "Reason and speech have seemed so 
inseparable to some that it has been maintained 
that man would not be man without speech. Hence 
Shelley's well-known lines: 

" ' He gave man speech, and speech created thought, 
Which is the measure of the universe.' " 

We think there are few who do not ardently desire 
to become good conversationalists. To be able to 
hold the attention of a circle of listeners, many of 
whom are strangers to you, and to make them anxious 
to hear more from your lips, is a gift that few pos- 
sess. And yet it lies within the power of all to contrib- 
ute to the pleasure of any group, by uttering some 
suggestive thought, which in its turn may set another 
train of thought in motion, and stimulate to better 
things. 

CONVERSING WELL. 

The ability to converse interestingly has been the 
stepping-stone to many a man's success in life. 

118 



B 

cy 
7 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



119 



There is not a human being in the possession of his 
faculties who cannot amuse and instruct others. 
Social contact is a mental stimulant, which modern 
society sets its stamp of approval upon, as is evi- 
denced by the ready welcome which the intelligent 
talker receives everywhere. 

TALK NOT CONVERSATION. 

But talk alone is not conversation. There must 
be a clear brain, a keen perception of the fitness of 
things, a swiftness at grasping ideas and adapting 
them to the company in which one is placed, to con- 
stitute conversation. Some people have so great a 
love for the sound of their own voices, that they rattle 
off the veriest nonsense, with the volubility of a chat- 
tering magpie, and after all their torrent of words, 
they have said nothing. Such talkers can be found 
in all places, and are not, in spite of the ugly sar- 
casms which would-be wits fling at them, confined to 
the gentler sex. 

The most graceful conversationalists are those whose 
thoughts are spontaneous. Contact with other minds 
broadens and develops our own, and thus widens the 
field of thought. 

A GOOD MEMORY NECESSARY. 

The first essential in becoming a good talker is to 




120 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



have a good memory. The mind must become a 
storehouse of good things, from whence to draw for 
the enjoyment of others. When a good lecture or a 
sermon is heard, it is well to commit the most strik- 
ing points to memory, and the various deductions 
drawn therefrom either by the speaker or yourself, 
can be used for material. A good book should be well 
studied, much of it committed to memory, and that, 
too, will serve as a fund from which to educe ideas, 
which, communicated to others, will bring forth new 
ones from them, and thus the conversation becomes 
general, and wit and fancy flow freely. But do not 
pass these thoughts off upon the company as original 
— allude to their authors and give them due credit. 

DO NOT CRAM. 

It is unpardonable to "cram" yourself previous to a 
social gathering; that is, to read up any special sub- 
ject, for the purpose of astonishing your hearers with 
your erudition. You might possibly meet some one 
who knew more on the subject than you did and who 
might expose your superficial information at exactly 
the moment when you fancied yourself the most 
secure. 

SHOWING OFF. 

It is very .ill-bred to' exhibit any accomplishments 
for the sake of display, and beget ill-feeling among 
those whom you desire to dazzle. 




CONVERSATION AN ART. 



121 



PUNS ARE VULGAR. 

A pun occasionally can be forgiven, in good society, 
but the man or woman who makes a pun on every 
other word, is a terrible nuisance, and the soul will 
rise up in arms against them. The fashion of pun- 
ning dates from the times of the early Greeks, but its 
age does not entitle it to veneration. Their chief 
objection is that they continually break in on agree- 
able conversation, and divert the mind from the sub- 
ject. A punster has no regard for the most sacred 
and dear feelings of the heart, and would as readily 
play upon words at a funeral as at a wedding. 

TACT. 

The most exquisite and subtle quality necessary to 
a good talker, is tact. It is a fine gift to know just 
how to talk, to whom, and what is exactly the right 
thing to say on all occasions. It is only people of 
the most delicate perceptions who possess this gift, 
but it can be cultivated. To the author it is a neat 
compliment to express a fondness for books — not his 
particular books, for that would savor of broad flat- 
tery, and is offensive. The lady whose heart is in her 
household cares, will incite you to talk sympathetic- 
ally with her of the delights of home. To the busi- 
ness man you can find something to say of stocks, 
per cents., and he will vote you a smart fellow. The 






122 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



good talker must be in a certain sense, "All things to 
all men;" must show an interest in whatever 
pleases others. 

BE CAREFUL NOT TO DRAW COMPARISONS. 

A person of tact will never comment upon the im- 
morality of the stage, when he knows one of the group 
is a member of that profession; nor attack any nation- 
ality or religion with virulence, in a mixed company, 
where there are liable to be those whose feelings would 
be wounded by such indiscriminate remarks. He 
will not ask effusively after an absent one who may 
be at bitter enmity with the one with whom he is 
speaking. 

THE BOASTFUL TALKER. 

Of all talkers, the ones most to be dreaded are those 
who are forever expatiating upon their own exploits; 
their own brilliant judgment, and their heroic conduct 
upon some occasion. These people never allow the 
recitation of any one's doings but their own. No 
matter how adroitly you may lead them away from 
self, they will break in upon you with an account of 
how they conducted upon a similar occasion, and what 
praise they received for their performance, until their 
listeners give up in despair, feeling that there is no 
escape from the tiresome repetition until the talker has 
rung all the changes upon himself which his vanity is 
capable of. 



V3 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



133 



INTERESTING EXPERIENCES. 

There is great pleasure to be had in listening tt» the 
experiences of those who have traveled, but such nar- 
rations are solicited. The conceit which leads a man 
to talk of himself constantly, soon makes his society 
detested. His exploits are secretly sneered at, and 
but half believed. No matter how well he may talk, 
as he is the pivotal center on which his conversation 
turns, he is credited with nothing but egotism. 

TRIFLES WEARISOME. 

Another sort of conversation which is very tiresome, 
is that which retails all the trivial happenings of the 
speakers and their family. While these matters are 
interesting or at least endurable to their immediate 
friends, to the majority of people they are of no sort 
of consequence, and become very insipid. 

UNFIT TOPICS. 

The details of the toilet, and physical ailments, are 
never fit subjects for conversation. Such topics should 
be sedulously avoided, as enlarging upon them can 
neither interest nor please. 

POLISH OFTEN A CLOAK. 

It has often been said that a man can be polished, 
?nd yet be a villain. That is undoubtedly true. But 



124 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



then it does not follow that because a man is uncouth 
and boorish he is honest and true. The highest moral 
purity does not excuse rudeness and ill-breeding. It 
is far more natural and consistent to associate gentle- 
ness of manners, refinement and courtesy with genuine 
goodness, and we believe that nine men out of ten who 
have the refinement which good society gives, are 
mentally what they should be — gentlemen at heart. 

A good talker shines best at the dinner-table, where 
the flow of good feeling is increased by pleasant sur- 
roundings,, and gay and animated discourse is so easily 
maintained. 

THE ART OF LISTENING. 

A good talker makes a good listener. Dull people 
can best be brought out of their reserve by saying as 
little as possible yourself, but rather by leading them 
up to some subject in which they are at home. You 
pay your listeners, by a "few brilliant flashes of 
silence" now and then, the compliment of supposing 
that they have something to say, and that you are 
desirous of listening to their views. It is told of a 
young man who was very shy, that a lady succeeded 
in starting him on a certain train of thought with 
which he was familiar, and he entertained the com- 
pany in a charming manner. She spoke but seldom. 
He afterward remarked of her that she was the finest 
talker he ever heard. 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



125 



WANDERING ATTENTION. 

Do not appear to listen while your thoughts are 
wandering far away, and you are unpleasantly brought 
back to the present by an unexpected question or a 
sudden pause. Listen intelligently; pay strict atten- 
tion to what is being said, and occasionally add a word, 
or give a quick smile of approval. It will stimulate 
and awaken an exchange of ideas and kindle a flame 
that will gladden the heart. 

But in listening, do not fasten your eyes upon the 
speaker, under the impression that he will be pleased 
by such close attention, or let your eyes wander 
around the room, as though you were meditating 
flight. Either one of these things will confuse the 
most brilliant talker who ever lived. 

DO NOT INTERRUPT. 

Do not break in upon the good conversationalist. 
He may stimulate you so that ideas will rush to your 
lips with torrent-like rapidity, and you can scarcely 
wait for the other to finish. But you should keep 
them back until he has done, else you will give the 
impression that you have not been listening at all, 
only snatching ideas from him. 

Surely there are topics enough in this progressive 
age to supply food for conversation in any coterie — 
the grave, the gay, the learned or the unlearned. Are 



it 



126 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



not the wonders of the universe spread out before us, 
within our very grasp? Can we not find subjects for 
daily conversation in the doings of the great minds of 
to-day — or the latest book, and the kindly deeds of 
heroic souls? And should not our words uplift the 
weary hearted, cheer the sad, and bring rays of sun- 
shine into the lives of all? 

WHO CONVERSE EASILY. 

To some men and women whose quick and ready 
brain responds to the lightest thought, conversation 
comes naturally; it is no effort for them to converse 
fluently. To others it is a wearisome task. They 
think deeply and sensibly; can seize upon a subject 
clearly, but they are slow in giving utterance to their 
own conclusions. These can cultivate the art of con- 
versation. Patience and determination, assisted by 
practice in putting your thoughts into words, will 
develop the possibilities within yourselves. Observe 
closely, fill your minds with facts and the experiences 
of others, accustom yourselves to think audibly, and 
you will be surprised at the readiness with which you 
will express yourself. 

TRAIN THE CHILDREN. 

This training properly belongs to the period of 
childhood, when the mind is easily impressed. Par- 




IN CONFIDENCE. 




AN AFTERNOON AT HOME. 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



127 



ents should encourage a child to relate anything which 
has attracted its attention, and should induce it to 
tell it in its own way. And strict accuracy should be 
demanded of it in the relation of all incidents. The 
right use of words and phrases should be taught the 
child, and careless and improper language should be 
repressed. The benefit of such a course cannot be 
overestimated. The young mind early acquires the 
habit of observing and thinking, is educated to be 
truthful, and these faculties grow and expand more 
rapidly. 

USE FEW COMPLIMENTS. 

Compliments should be very sparingly administered, 
else they lose their force. When they are deserved, 
it is a graceful act to pay them; it is an acknowledg- 
ment of something worthily done. But let them be 
sincere, else they become gross flattery, which is low- 
ering to the giver, and an insult to the one on whom 
it is bestowed. It is an admission that you are dull 
and unobservant of the merits of those around you. 
not to say a fitting word of praise for some good deed 
they have done — and a word of this sort from you is 
often very gratefully received. 

NEATNESS OF PERSON. 

Neat personal appearance is absolutely necessary 
to the success of a good conversationalist. Much 
9 



128 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



depends upon the personal magnetism of a talker, the 
play of feature, the expression of the eye. All these 
fail to charm, if slovenly dress, tumbled hair, neglect- 
ed teeth, kill their effect. Neatness is a passport to 
the favor; the want of it creates disgust. 

JOKES IMMORTAL. 

It is asserted that jokes are immortal. But don't 
revamp all the old jests and stories that have trav- 
eled the rounds until they must be weary. We will 
remind our readers that coarse stories are banished 
from the society of ladies and gentlemen. They who 
would be known as ladies and gentlemen are clean 
in body and soul. 

POLITICS AND RELIGION TABOOED. 

Never indulge in conversation that will lead to 
heated debate in the social circle. Politics and relig- 
ion should be tabooed, for it is almost impossible to 
avoid arousing some one's prejudice, or touching some 
sensitive point. The bitterest quarrels have been 
the outcome of what at the start was a mere differ- 
ence of opinion, and as such entitled to a polite for- 
bearance. If two persons can engage in a friendly con- 
troversy on any topic, and observe the rules of polite- 
ness such an argument is enjoyable to those who list- 
en, tor much information can be gained. But it is 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



129 



wiser to maintain silence when either party is so sensi- 
tive that a difference of opinion will lead to a loss of 
temper, and a breach of good manners. 

AFFECTATION IN SPEECH. 

A talker should not affect a delicacy of speech 
which many mistake for refinement. Call things by 
right names. Do not say limb for leg, or retire for 
go to bed. There is no true modesty in such substi- 
tutions. Speak correct English. Use simple phrases, 
being careful that your pronunciation is the standard 
one. One had better consult a dictionary every hour 
in the day, than to risk the secret ridicule which is 
sure to follow the word which is wrongly pronounced. 
And names of persons should be correctly pronounced. 
The pride is easily hurt if liberties are taken with 
one's name. 

USE PLAIN ENGLISH. 

The language which you speak should be well un- 
derstood. Odd words and high-sounding phrases are 
in bad taste. It is ridiculous to besprinkle your sen- 
tences with words from other tongues, and the chances 
are many that you cannot give them their correct 
pronunciation, and you gain a reputation for being 
pedantic. 

Slang is even more dangerous to use. It will be 
apt to fall from the lips at the most inopportune 




CONIFERS A TION an art. 

moment. Young ladies would shun slang phrases as 
they would a plague, were they aware of the origin of 
some of their pet phrases. The most beautiful lan- 
guage; is that which is the most simple. The words 
which have the most value are those which concisely 
convey the thought to the mind of the listener with 
clearness and speed. 

LOUD TALKING OFFENSIVE. 

Loud talking is very offensive. The loud talker is 
generally conceited and coarse. He catches the ear, 
but does not engage the heart. The loud, swaggering 
talker, starts out upon the supposition that every one 
is interested in his affairs. He disturbs the circle into 
which he is thrown. He talks at people, and not for 
them. 

There are occasions and places where loud talking 
is proper. A speaker who would hold his audience 
must have a voice that will penetrate to the farthest 
corner. The actor's enunciation must be loud, clear, 
and distinct. The lawyer, pleading at the bar, should 
be heard by his entire audience. But a man or 
woman who comes into a parlor, or the family circle, 
and talks in a voice that would command a regiment, 
is a perfect bomb-shell, and creates similar feelings 
to one in the minds of his auditors. 

Home is not the place for noisy and loud demonstra- 




\3. 




CONVERSATION AN ART. 



131 



Hons. The play-ground is their proper location. 
Loud talking becomes a fixed habit, and the one who 
indulges in it becomes unaware of his own fault. 
There is nothing so pleasant to the ear, as the even, 
moderately-pitched tones; at once we give their pos- 
sessor credit for being well-bred. And these tones 
can be cultivated by anyone; even though there may 
be natural defects, they can be overcome, with 
patience and determination. 

A low voice does not mean a mumbling, indistinct 
utterance. Nor does a high-pitched one mean noise. 
The latter may be very musical, while the former 
would be the reverse. But a clear, distinct, evenly- 
modulated voice, sympathetic and refined, is a delight 
which does double duty — to its possessor and to those 
who listen to it. 

OBSERVE RESPECT TO LADIES. 

A gentleman should always remember, in talking 
with ladies, that they are his equals. There is no 
more ludicrous spectacle than a man vainly struggling 
with what he thinks is "small talk" in the company of 
ladies. He is magnanimously striving to come down 
to their level, while they are measuring him mentally, 
and wondering if he knows anything. 

It is bad breeding to air one's business or occupa- 
tion in company. Relegate "the shop" to its own 



>1 



1 

if 
4? 




132 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



place — outside the circle where one's private affairs 
interest no one. 

SMALL TALK HAS ITS USES. 

But "small talk" as it is sneeringly named, has its 
uses and its place. One does not like always to be 
on stilts figuratively speaking, and we agree with the 
following from an author who has said many things 
well: 

"After all, a man may have done a vast deal of 
reading, may have a good memory and sound judg- 
ment; he may season his conversation with wit and 
be a walking encyclopaedia, and still be a very dull 
companion. All the world do not read books, and 
some of those who do, never care about them. Every- 
body, however, loves to talk. When we are wearied 
with toil, or tired with thought, we naturally love to 
chat, and it is pleasant to hear the sound of one's 
own voice. What we mean by small talk is talk upon 
common, everyday matters, about the little tri- 
fling and innocent things of usual occurrence; in short, 
that vast world of topics upon whi.ch every one can 
talk, and which are as interesting to children and 
simple-minded persons as the greater questions are to 
the learned. Many affect a great measure of wisdom 
by speaking contemptuously of common-place talk, 
but it is only affected. Real wisdom makes a man 



CONVERSATION AN ART. 



133 



an agreeable companion. Talk upon those topics 
which appear to interest your hearers most, no matter 
how common they may be. The real wisdom and 
power of a conversationalist is shown in making a 
commonplace topic interesting. Many imagine that 
it is an easy matter to talk about nothing or every- 
day occurrences, but it requires an active and observ- 
ant mind, and no small share of invulnerable good 
humor, to say something on everything to everybody. 
If a man is never to open his mouth but for the enun- 
ciation of some profound aphorism, or something that 
has never been said before; if he is to be eternally 
talking volumes and discussing knotty problems, his 
talk becomes a burden, and he will find that but few 
of his audience will be willing to listen to him. Small 
talk obviates the necessity of straining the mind and 
assuming unnatural attitudes, as though you were 
exerting your mental powers. It puts the mind at 
ease." 

In conversation, as in every other act of life, due 
respect should be shown for others' opinions and 
time — offending not the first, nor encroaching too far 
upon the last. 



CHAPTER XII. 

WEDDING CUSTOMS. 

N institution of such antiquity as marriage, and 
invested with a rich glow of romance and poesy, 
will never go out of fashion. Since the wedding of 
Cana, the ceremonies and customs attending a wed- 
ding have been fraught with continual interest. 

In the face of the contempt with which frivolous and 
unthinking people have sought to invest marriage, 
and though would-be wits have aimed their shafts at 
its holy customs, it will ever hold an honored place in 
the minds of the true and good, and a work would be 
pronounced as of no value, that did not have a hero 
and heroine whose bounden duty it was, to fall in 
love and wed. 

A WEDDING IN A FAMILY. 

A wedding is an important event, in any family. It 
invests each individual member with dignity, from 
the paterfamilias down to the wee toddler whose 
big sister is the heroine of the coming affair. 

A book on etiquette would be very incomplete which 
omitted some instructions upon the forms to be ob- 

134 



t 



WEDDING CUSTOMS. 135 

served in the conducting of a wedding, for marriage is 
a religious as well as a legal rite. These customs 
have been handed down from generation to genera- 
tion through the churches, those conservators of so 
many good things. But even though these forms are 
in their general outline ever the same, they may be 
varied to agree with individual tastes and means. 

OUTLAY OFTEN TOO GREAT. 

Sometimes, in that natural anxiety which parents 
feel to do their loved ones all honor possible, they 
exceed their means and incur expenses which they can 
ill afford. And yet, who would like to censure them, 
when it is remembered that the great event marks the 
turning point in the life of a fair young daughter who 
is so soon to leave the home which has sheltered her all 
her life. She will now become the mistress of a new 
home — its guiding star. To a couple who look their 
new duties squarely in the face, with a correct and 
conscientious idea of them, marriage is a solemn step, 
which is never taken in a light and unthinking manner. 

Therefore, it is not strange that parents and friends 
look forward eagerly to this joyous festive occasion. 
Every one looks on approvingly, and were but a small 
portion of the kindly wishes uttered in behalf of the 
young couple fulfilled, the marriage state would be 
perpetual sunshine. 



136 



fVEDDING CUSTOMS. 



But clouds will arise— dark days will come. With 
sincere love at the helm, and an earnest mutual deter- 
mination to do right, and to live tor each other, the 
newly married pair can smile at any fate. 

THE BETROTHAL. 

Before the wedding, comes the betrothal. This 
is a halcyon period, for then two hearts are drawn 
closer to each other. It is useless to sneer at love. 
It is not only the universal passion, but it is a holy 
one. 

"He that feels 
No love for woman, has no heart for them, 
Nor friendship or affection! — he is foe 
To all the finer feelings of the soul; 
And to sweet Nature's holiest, tenderest ties, 
A heartless renegade." 

There is no formal announcement of a betrothal, 
in this country; but in other lands the festivities are 
very gay. It is usual here, however, for the father 
of the bride to give a dinner and announce the engage- 
ment before rising from the table, when congratula- 
tions are in order. 

RECEPTIONS IN HONOR OF THE COMING EVENT. 

After this has been communicated to the friends, 
those who are in the habit of entertaining give recep- 
tions, dinners or theater parties to the engaged couple. 



WEDDING CUSTOMS. 



137 



THE BRIDE NAMES THE DAY. 

It is the expected bride's prerogative to name the 
"happy day." Tastes are divided as to the most 
desirable months. May is shunned by those who are 
in the least superstitious, as it is deemed unlucky. 
The ancient Romans, who were dominated by omens 
and signs, regarded it as an unfortunate month, and 
Ovid said — "That time too, was not auspicious for 
the marriage torches of the widow or of the virgin. 
She who married then, did not long remain a wife." 
Just after Easter seems a favorite season for wed- 
dings, and the fall months are also much liked. 

THE YOUNG LADY'S CARDS. 

Immediately preceding the sending out of the invi- 
tations for the marriage, the bride that is to be, leaves 
her card at the homes of her friends. She leaves 
them in person, but does not call, unless she makes 
an exception in favor of an aged or sick person. 

After this formality has been attended to, and the 
invitations are distributed, the young lady should not 
be seen in public. 

SENDING OUT INVITATIONS. 

If the ceremony is to take place in church, and be 
followed by a reception, invitations are sent out to 
friends ten days in advance. It is quite fashionable 






M 



138 IVEDDING CUSTOMS. 

to be wedded in church, and return to the house to 
don their traveling costume, and leave for a matri- 
monial trip. 

THE FORM OF INVITATION. 

The mcst commonly accepted form of invitation is 
worded thus: 

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Clarke 

request your presence 
at the marriage of their daughter 
Gladyss, 
to 

Charles W. Allen, 
on Tuesday evening, March nth, 
at eight o'clock, 
Christ Church, Indianapolis. 

This invitation includes only the service at the 
ti c urch. Those friends whose presence is dssired at 
the reception receive a card of this nature, inclosed 
with the invitation: 

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Clarke 

At home, 
Tuesday evening, March nth, 
from half-past eight until eleven o'clock. 
62 Elizabeth-St. 

A card still more simple is preferred; as — 
Reception at 62 Elizabeth-St. at half-past eight. 



IVEDDIN'G CUSTOMS. 



139 



ADMISSION CARDS TO CHURCH. 

An admission card to a church strikes one rather 
disagreeably, and yet where both parties have an 
extensive acquaintance, they are necessary to prevent 
over-crowding, and are worded thus: 

Christ Church. 
Ceremony at eight o'clock. 

Invitations should be printed or engraved upon 
note-paper of excellent quality, and the envelope 
must fit the inclosed invitation closely. 

MARRYING IN TRAVELING COSTUMES. 

Many very fashionable people who dislike the excite- 
ment and display of a public wedding, are wed in 
their traveling costumes, with no one but the family 
and a few very near friends present. This is always 
the rule, after a recent death in the family, or some 
other affliction. 

Brides-maids are taken from the relatives or most 
intimate friends — the sisters of the bride and of the 
bridegroom where possible. The bridegroom chooses 
his groomsmen and ushers from his circle of relatives 
and friends of his own age, and from the relatives of 
his fiancee of a suitable age. The brides-maids should 
be a little younger than the bride. These must be 
from two to six in number, and they must exercise 



140 



WEDDING CUSTOMS. 



taste in dress, looking as pretty as possible, being 
careful however, not to outshine the bride. White 
is the accepted dress for brides-maids, but they are not 
limited to this, but can select light and delicate colors, 
showing care that everything harmonizes. Pink, 
blue, sea-green, ecru, or lavender, makes a very pretty 
contrast to the bride, who must always be clothed 
in white. 

THE BRIDES-MAID MUST FULFILL HER ENGAGEMENT. 

A brides-maid must never disappoint the bride by a 
failure to keep her engagement. Only severe sick- 
ness or death will excuse her. The bride bestows 
some present on each brides-maid, while the groom 
remembers each groomsman in a similar manner. 

THE WEDDING-RING. 

The wedding-ring is used in the marriage service of 
nearly all denominations. It is always a plain gold 
band, rather heavy and solid. A ring with a stone 
set in it, is preferred for an engagement ring. 

The use of a wedding-ring is a very ancient custom. 
It is probable that it was used by the Swiss Lake 
dwellers, and other primitive people. In very early 
times it was used by the Hebrews, who possibly 
borrowed it from the Egyptians, among whom, as well 
as the Greeks and the Romans, the wedding-ring was 






WEDDING CUSTOMS. 



141 



used. An English book on etiquette, published in 
1732, says, the bride may choose on which finger the 
ring shall be placed, and it says some brides prefer the 
thumb, others the index finger, others the middle 
finger, "becauseit is the largest," and others the fourth 
finger, because "a vein proceeds from it to the heart." 

The engagement ring is removed at the altar, 
usually by the bridegroom, who passes the wedding- 
ring (which is a plain gold band, with the date and 
the initials engraved inside) to the clergyman, to be 
used by him in the ceremony. On the way home from 
church, or as soon thereafter as convenient, the bride- 
groom may place the engagement ring again on the 
bride's finger, to stand guard over its precious fellow. 
Some husbands who like to observe these pretty little 
fancies, present their wives of a year's standing, 
with another ring, either chased or plain, to be worn 
on the wedding-ring finger, and which is called the 
keeper. This, too, is supposed to "stand guard" 
over the wedding-ring. 

THE DUTIES OF THE USHERS. 

The ushers at a wedding, of whom there are four, 
have a multitude of duties to perform. They are 
selected from among the most intimate friends ot 
either groom or bride. One of them is chosen master 
of ceremonies, and his office is to be early at church, 




1 




142 



WEDDING CUSTOMS 



and having a list of the invited guests, he must allot 
a space for their accommodation by stretching a cord 
or ribbon (sometimes a circle of natural flowers) 
across the aisles for a boundary line. He sees that 
the organist has the musical programme at hand; 
that the stool on which the bride and groom kneel is 
in its proper position, and covered with a spotless 
white cloth. He escorts ladies to seats, and asks the 
names of those who are unknown to him, that he 
may by consulting his list, place the relatives and 
nearest friends of the bride by the altar. 

USHERS AT THE HOUSE. 

Two of the ushers, as soon as the pair are made 
one, hasten to the house at which the reception is 
to be held, to receive the newly wedded and their 
guests. 

CONDUCTING THE GUESTS. 

Another duty of the ushers at the house is to con- 
duct the guests to the bride and groom, and present 
those who may not have been acquainted. They 
then introduce the guests to the parents. It may be 
that some members of the two families may never 
have met some of the others ' friends, through livmg 
at a distance; so this becomes a necessary formal) vy. 
In all such cases the gentleman who is the escort of 




ASKING THE WAY. 



WEDDING CUSTOMS. 



143 



a lady follows her with the usher, and is in turn intro- 
duced. 

The usher attends to every lady who has no escort, 
and sees at supper that she is well served. 

HOW THE USHERS DRESS. 

The dress of the ushers must consist of the regula- 
tion full evening toilet — white neckties, and delicately 
tinted gloves. They must also be provided with 
handsome button-hole bouquets. 

PROCEEDING TO THE ALTAR. 

In proceeding to the altar, the brides-maids enter 
the church, each leaning on the arm of a groomsman, 
while the mother of the bride comes next, on the 
arm of the groom. The bride enters leaning on her 
father's arm, or the next male relative who is much 
her senior in years. They pass to the altar, the 
brides-maids turning to the left, the groomsmen to 
the right. The groom places the mother just behind 
the brides-maids, or seats her in a front pew at the 
left. The father remains standing where he can give 
away the bride, who stands at the left of the groom. 

LEAVING THE ALTAR. 

On leaving the altar, the bridal pair walk first, the 
bride keeping her veil over her face. The brides- 



10 



144 



WEDDING CUSTOMS. 



maids and groomsmen follow next, the father and 
mother being last. 

MARRIED IN A TRAVELING DRESS. 

If a bride is married in her traveling dress, she 
wears a bonnet. The groom is dressed in dark 
clothes. They do not require brides-maids or grooms- 
men, but have ushers, while the groom has his "best 
man," whose place it is to attend to everything nec- 
essary. 

STARING AT THE BRIDAL PARTY. 

The guests should not rush out of church for the 
purpose of collecting on the sidewalk to get a look at 
the bride. They should remain quietly in the church 
until the wedding procession has passed out. 

THE RECEPTION. 

At the reception following, half of the maids are on 
the left of the bride and half on the left of the groom. 

Kissing the bride is fast going out of fashion, in the 
best circles. It is a dreadful ordeal for a young and 
timid bride, and should be laid on the shelf with many 
other ridiculous customs. 

DRESS OF THE BRIDE. 

The dress of the bride should be devised according 
to her means — but it is imperative that it is white, 




WEDDING CUSTOMS. 



145 



7^ 



and may be muslin, silk or satin. A veil should be 
worn; one composed of tulle is more dainty in its 
effect than a lace one. But for a very fleshy bride 
lace will be best, as tulle has the quality of making 
one's proportions look larger. The orange blossom 
has always been adopted for ornamentation, and is 
very beautiful. But if these cannot be procured, other 
natural flowers can take their place. If jewelry is 
worn, it should be something very elegant and 
chaste. 

A bride is not expected to dance at her own wed- 
ding. 

LENGTH OF RECEPTION. 

The reception should be of two or three hours' 
duration. When the time of departure on their wed- 
ding journey draws near, the young couple quietly 
withdraw from the festivities without making any 
adieus. None but the most intimate friends remain 
to wish them bon voyage. 

EXHIBITING WEDDING GIFTS. 

Wedding presents are no longer exhibited on the day 
of the wedding, ticketed and labeled with the names of 
their givers, like dry goods in a shop window. There 
are so many beautiful articles which can be fittingly 
sent as wedding gifts, that it is almost impossible to 
particularize. Among them are pictures, albums, 




If 




146 



W 'ED DING CUSTOMS. 



bric-a-brac, vases, clocks, mantel ornaments, jewelry, 
books, and even pieces of furniture. Formerly it was 
only thought proper to give silverware and jewelry, 
but common sense has come to the front in these 
days, and ostentatious display no longer prevails in 
good society. 

THE SECOND MARRIAGE OF A WIDOW. 

When a widow remarries, her wedding costume 
should be of some light-colored silk, and she should 
omit the veil. Neither should she have brides-maids, 
but should be attended by her father, brother, or an 
elderly male relative. She should remove her first 
wedding-ring, out of deference for the feelings of the 
groom. 

The refreshments at a wedding reception consists 
of salads, oysters, cold chicken, ices and confection- 
ery, served en bitffet. Coffee and tea are not generally 
served. 

Parents and friends who are in mourning should 
leave off their somber garments at the wedding. Of 
course they may be resumed after the bride's depart- 
ure. 

THE WEDDING TRIP. 

The wedding tour is no longer considered absolutely 
necessary. Many young couples who are going at 
once to housekeeping, do not take a trip, but proceed 




direct from the church to their future home, where 
the reception is held. In this case, the duties of the 
head usher are the same as at the reception, save that 
he is assisted in taking charge of the guests by the 
mother of the bride. 



AVOID SHOW OF AFFECTION BEFORE STRANGERS. 



If a tour is made, avoid any silly manifestations 
bl affection in public. Observe a respectful reserve 
toward each other; thus you will not expose your- 
selves to ridicule by demonstrations of affection which 
should be kept for the sacred privacy of home. 



A bride may after her marriage drop her middle 
name, and adopt her maiden name in its place, as — 
Mrs. Nellie Winn Seymour, instead of Mrs. Nellie 



bride belonged, ere her marriage, and saves confusion. 
Widows often retain the names of their first husbands, 



of that it is piled up in tasty little boxes on a side- 
table at the reception, and each guest takes just one 
box. 




148 



WEDDING CUSTOMS. 



WHAT A BRIDEGROOM MAY PAY FOR. 

Most bridegrooms would from the fullness of their 
hearts, pay for everything connected with the com- 
ing event, but this would offend the delicacy of the 
bride and her friends. There is a law of etiquette, 
concerning this, as all other matters. We therefore 
append a brief summing up of what he may pay for 
without trespassing upon those customs which have 
been observed from earliest times, and which fall 
within the province of the parents of the bride. 

THE WEDDING BOUQUET. 

He should not fail to send the wedding bouquet to 
the bride, on the morning of the ceremony. He also 
should present the bride with some article of jew- 
elry. 

"All wedding cards should be paid for by the family 
of the bride, and all other expenses of the wedding, 
with the following exceptions: The clergyman's fee 
(this is handed to the clergyman by the best man 
after the ceremony). This may consist of any 
amount which he thinks proper; but never less than 
$5.00. The wedding-ring, the bride's bouquet and 
present, and presents or bouquets to the brides-maids; 
to the ushers he may give scarf pins. To the latter 
he can also present canes, sleeve buttons, or any 
other little remembrance which his ingenuity may 



IVEDDING CUSTOMS. 



149 



suggest. To the brides-maids' fans, bangles, lockets, 
or some other souvenir may be presented. 

"The groom should on no account pay for the cards, 
the carriages, nor the entertainment, nor anything 
connected with the wedding. 

"The reason for this is, that an engagement ma}' be 
broken even after the cards are out, and it would then 
remain for the parents of the bride to either repay the 
outlay, or stand in the position of being indebted to 
the discarded son-in-law. 

"In the event of the engagement being broken, the 
bride should immediately return all presents. 

"In addition to other details, the parents of the bride 
should pay for the cards sent out after marriage. These 
are generally ordered with the announcement cards." 

WEDDING-CARDS. 

Fashions in wedding-cards are constantly changing. 
Any good stationer is provided with the newest and 
most approved styles. The fantastically ornamented 
cards of a few years ago, are happily supplanted by 
plainer and less showy ones. They should be of a 
fine quality, yet of heavy board, and engraved in 
script. 

NO WEDDING-CARD RECEIVED. 

If you do not receive a wedding-card, do not call 
upon a newly married couple. There is a sort of a 



.50 



WEDDING CUSTOMS. 



tacit understanding that only those receive them 
whose acquaintance they wish to retain. 

HOME WEDDINGS. 

Home weddings are much simpler affairs, but they 
can be made very beautiful. An arch of flowers may 
be placed in the drawing-room, under which the young 
couple stand, with the clergyman behind it. The bridal 
party enters, as in church, and after they have been 
pronounced man and wife, they turn and face their 
guests, receiving their congratulations. 

The recipients of cards inviting them to be present 
at the church ceremony call or leave cards within a 
month after the wedding, while those who attended 
the reception call within ten days, upon the parents. 

A PRIVATE WEDDING. 

If the wedding has been strictly private the bride's 
parents send the following card during the absence of 
the pair upon their bridal tour: 

Mr. and Mrs. John D. Howard 
announce the marriage of their daughter 
Lucie Clark 
to 

Joseph French Bryant 
Thursday, October 3&, 
1890. 






All who receive such cards send notes of congratu- 
lation to the parents, and also to the bride and groom, 
when intimate friendship warrants it. 

RECEIVING ON THE RETURN FROM THE BRIDAL TOUR. 

The newly married pair receive in their new homa 
on their return. The announcements of such affairs 
accompany the wedding-cards, and merely state the 
fact thus: 

Tuesdays in November. 

22 Anderson-St. 

If these receptions are to be held in the evening this 
should be stated also, as — 

Tuesday evenings in November. 

It is very common for the bride's parents to give 
the young couple a reception upon their return; this 
is followed by one given them by the parents of the 
groom. At these receptions, the bride wears dark 
silk, as rich and elegant as her means permit, but 
without any bridal ornaments. If she wishes to, she 
can wear her wedding-dress at parties or formal din- 
ners, but the veil and flowers are worn no more. 

A bride's outfit. 

The bride's outfit should be selected with special 



(TV 




CHAPTER XIII 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



T"^ROM earliest times the pleasures of the table have 
1® been enjoyed, and dining has been fashionable. 
Although no account is given of it, we have no 
doubt that Adam and Eve ate their dinners with zest. 

WHAT HOUR TO DINE. 

The hour of dining varies with the people, the 
middle and working classes adopting the midday 
hour for the most substantial and elaborate meals of 
the day. Others dine later in the day. Whether this 
is as healthy an hour as the earlier one, we are not 
prepared to discuss; but if the hour for retiring is 
about eleven p. M., we see no objection to the seven 
o'clock dinner. 

TABLE MANNERS. CHANGE. 

The manners pertaining to the table have changed 
greatly, since we are told that although cooking had 
reached a high state of development, among the 
ancient Egyptians, still they had not arrived at the 

153 




154 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



dignity of having separate dishes from which to eat, 
but all the guests sat round a table, and dipped their 
bread into a dish in the center. 

It is interesting and instructive to note the various 
customs of other lands. The ancient Greeks reclined 
at their meals; the use of spoons and knives was 
quite limited, while forks were unknown. The Spar- 
tans disdained the pleasures of the table, confining 
themselves to black bread and broth, a violent con- 
trast to the dining-hall of Nero, the ceiling of which 
was inlaid with ivory, which slid back, and a rain of 
fragrant waters, or rose leaves was showered on the 
heads of the carousers. The appointments of a Hin- 
doo's table are simple, being the large leaves of the 
banana, which are used in lieu of plates. Their fingers 
supply the absence of knives and forks, while rice, 
curry, ghee, eggs, milk, fish and fruits furnish all the 
food they care for. 

COOKS IN ESTEEM. 

Cooks have, in all ages of the world, been held in 
high honor, and the nation which has furnished some 
of the best, is also noted for their frugality in manag- 
ing the culinary department of the household. It is 
said that a family in France live well upon what many 
an American family wastes. 

Some of the most famous men have been epicures. 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



155 



It is related of the orator Hortensius that he had a 
large fish pond in which he bred fish for his table, 
and if one of them chanced to die, he shed tears. 
The Romans bred oysters and snails, to gratify their 
fastidious appetites, and during that corrupt period, 
there was a rage for rare and costly food. One of the 
emperors served a dish of the tongues of i, 500 flamin- 
goes, while peacocks' tongues were esteemed a rare 
dish. 

THE DINNER PARTY A FACTOR IN CIVILIZATION. 

Were the dinner party abolished, how much would 
be lost to civilization. How many great plans have 
been discussed, how many friendships have been 
formed, and how many bright sayings and sparkling 
thoughts have had their birth in the fostering influ- 
ence of the dinner table? 

The great Talleyrand declared the dinner the best 
meal for transacting business. Campaigns have been 
mapped out, alliances between nations cemented 
through these sociable gatherings of society. 

THE CHEERFUL HOME DINNER. 

The home dinner should be a most cheerful meeting 
of companionable and sprightly members, all inter- 
ested in each other's welfare, all ready to contribute 
their quota to the general fund of enjoyment. The 
dining-room should be made as bright and sunny as 



I5G 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



possible. The mistress of the house may be troubled 
about many things, but she should wear her pleasant- 
est smiles at the table, that her husband and children 
may be refreshed in spirit as well as body. The con- 
versation should be bright and cheery; the children 
can be taught very young many lessons of etiquette 
that will serve them well in after years. These lessons 
will be an education to them in mind and manners. 

FORMAL DINNERS. 

The more formal dinners given by those who love 
to entertain should be made as elegant as possible. 
The first step is to study those simple customs 
whose observance makes them charming. The finest 
dressed man may be a boor at the table. Every din- 
ner should be made as good as possible, and this does 
not imply a great outlay of money, but the expenditure 
of taste and time. If a hostess practices method in 
her everyday dinners, if she has each one neatly pre- 
pared and well-cooked, the giving of a larger and 
more ceremonious dinner will not cause her any more 
anxiety — only an extra amount of time to prenare it, 
and the choice of a greater variety of dishes. 

THE DINING-ROOM SHOULD BE CHEERFUL. 

The dining-room should be one of the best-lighted 
and most cheerful apartments in the house. Size is 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



157 



m 
f 



1U> 



another requisite. Bric-a-brac, scarfs and much 
drapery are superfluous, as they are sadly in the way, 
if your guests are many. A few pictures on the wall, 
a sideboard with its sparkling glass and silverware, 
and a lounge and chairs are all that are necesssary, 
as furnishings. 

HAVE A GOOD TABLE. 

The table should be firm and solid, and not so shaky 
that the guests fear some catastrophe. Cane-seat 
chairs should never be used in the dining-room. They 
catch beads and fringes and play sad havoc with them. 
The perforated wood ones are equally bad. The 
brass-headed nails with which they are fastened, 
catch worse than the cane, and many a delicate fabric 
has been ruined by them. Chairs upholstered with 
leather are the nicest, but oak chairs with high backs 
are deservedly popular. 

THE DISHES SHOULD SHINE. 

The table should be set with dishes that shine. 
When china or glass has the least roughness to the 
touch, it is an indication that it has not been washed 
clean. The table linen at dinner should be snowy 
white, and smoothly ironed. There are some very 
beautiful effects in cream, or white with colored bor- 
ders, that may be used in the place of white, if the 



158 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



taste inclines to them. A cloth of cotton flannel or 
baize should be laid under the table-cloth, to serve as 
a protection from the heat of the dishes, as also to 
prevent that noisy clatter which is so disagreeable. 

Glass water-bottles (carafes) with dishes of cracked 
ice, should be within- reach of every guest. 

NAPKIN RINGS NOT USED. 

Napkin rings should never be used, save in the strict 
privacy of home; for it is an open secret that the 
use of a napkin ring suggests the repetition of the use 
of the napkin — a practice highly improper with our 
guests. 

FLORAL DECORATIONS. 

Flowers are a great addition to the beauty of a 
table, and where they can be had, are as suitable for 
the family table as the more formal one. In the 
latter they are indispensable. 

The dishes may be fewer at the home dinner. Let 
the guest who is invited to your home, feel that you 
are not making an extra effort in his behalf, a 
knowledge which will make a guest feel uncomforta- 
ble. On the contrary, let them see that you are dis- 
pensing your everyday hospitality, and that they are 
heartily welcome. As an eminent authority on house- 
keeping says: 

"Let no one suppose that, because she lives in a 




IN THE DINING-ROOM. 

small house and dines on homely fare, the general 
principles here laid down do not apply to her. A 
small house is more easily kept clean than a palace. 
Taste may be quite as well displayed in the arrange- 
ment of dishes on a pine table, as in grouping the silver 
and china of the rich. Skill in cooking is as readily 
shown in a baked potato or johnny-cake as in a can- 
vas-back duck. The charm of good housekeeping lies 
in a nice attention to little things, not in a superabun- 
dance." 

SELECTION OF GUESTS. 

Much tact is necessary in choosing the guests for 
an informal dinner. It is so difficult to invite or 
rather select those whom you know will harmonize. 
As the intercourse is free, and social, "only agreeable 
elements should be brought together. The important 
dishes are put on the table, and the hostess can dish 
out the soup and the host can carve. A French roll 
should be folded in each napkin. If there is only one 
servant to wait on the guests, she should be care- 
fully trained beforehand, so that no awkward mistakes 
will be made. The plates should be hot, as any din- 
ner is spoiled if hot meat is put on a cold plate, and 
the servant should have a napkin around her thumb, 
as even simple dinners are marred by any lack of 
neatness. Before serving the dessert the table should 
be cleared of everything but the fruit and flowers, 
11 




10 3 




— ^SJ^ 



160 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



and the crumbs brushed onto a tray with a brush or 
crumb-scraper — the latter is the best, because usually 
the neatest. The plates, knives, spoons and forks, 
may then be laid at each plate for dessert. The 
dinner should not last more than an hour." 

COURSES FOR A SMALL PARTY. 

A dinner for a few friends can consist of the follow- 
ing courses: First, soup, then fish, a roast, with two 
kinds of vegetables, and lastly salad, cheese, and a 
dessert of pie and pudding. Apples and nuts may be 
brought on, also. A dinner of these materials, well 
cooked and served up with neatness and promptness, 
is ample for a lady or gentleman of moderate means 
to give. It is not elaborate dishes that please most, 
but the simple hospitality and unaffected heartiness 
of the host and hostess, that give zest to the food 
set before the guests. 

The glass-ware should be sparkling; the dishes pol- 
ished to the highest degree. Unless they are carefully 
washed and rinsed they will have a sticky feeling 
which makes a fastidious person feel uncomfortable. 
A well-set table is appetizing. It is a truth that the 
eye should be gratified as well as the palate. 

DO NOT KEEP YOUR HOSTESS WAITING. 

Promptness at the dinner table is one of the first 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



161 



essentials. No member of a family and no guests 
has a right to keep others waiting. Particular pains 
should be taken that the dress is suited to the occa- 
sion. Even though a gentleman may not possess a 
dress-coat, still he can make some change in his 
apparel, in honor of the affair, such as changing his 
necktie or freshening his linen. 

SERVING THE FOOD. 

The meal can be all placed upon the table at once 
before the family is seated, or, where there is a serv- 
ant, she should bring in the courses in their order. 
The English style is a very good one. All the dishes 
of a course are brought in at cnce, and those which 
are to be carved are removed to a side-table, where a 
servant performs that duty. 

CARVING. 

If the carving is to be done at the table, the host 
must attend to it himself. He should be prepared 
with a sharp knife and strong fork. The steel should 
be banished from the table; it is supposed that he 
did all the sharpening before dinner was ready, and 
it certainly is not productive of much pleasure to sit 
patiently waiting to be served, while the host is whet- 
ting his knife. He should always sit while carving. 
He also indicates who is to receive the first plate. 



162 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



The person receiving it should keep it, and pass the 
piates on as they are designated. When one is to 
help himself from a dish, he should do so before offer- 
ing it to a neighbor. 

HOW TO USE A NAPKIN. 

Lay your napkin across your lap, instead of tuck^ 
ing it in your neck. At a formal dinner do not fold 
your napkin when through with it, but leave it lying 
loosely beside your plate. Napkins should never be 
starched. It is an idea which most likely originated 
in hotels where the waiters are very fond of twisting 
them into fantastic shapes. Napkins can be obtained 
which are very beautiful. It is said that Queen 
Elizabeth sent to Flanders for lace with which to 
have hers edged. 

USE OF THE KNIFE. 

Cut your food with your knife, but convey it to your 
mouth with the fork. But do not overload this little 
implement, but merely take as much upon it as you 
can hold with grace. The fork held in the right 
hand should be used for eating salads, cheese, pastry 
and all made dishes. 

EATING FRUIT. 

It is quite the thing to eat oranges, melons, etc., 
with a spoon. The side of the spoon should be used 



\3 




IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



163 



in carrying soup to the mouth. But beware, lest you 
make that disagreeable sound in eating soup, which 
is not only offensive to the ear, but is a positive rude- 
ness. 

In eating grapes, cherries, and fruits with pits, do 
not eject them from the mouth, but remove them to 
the side of the plate with the hand. 

FINGERS CAN BE USED. 

There are many vegetables and fruits which are 
eaten, in which the fingers play an important part. 
Among them is the artichoke, which is taken 
with the fingers, as is also celery invariably. Aspar- 
agus is taken in the fingers, unless it is covered with 
sauce. 

Hard cheese is broken with the fingers. Nearly 
all other vegetables are eaten with the fork. 

HOW TO EAT GREEN CORN. 

Green corn is a problem, some eating it from the 
cob, others calling it barbarous. We think it is the 
proper way, however; and we are borne out by the 
usages of good society. 

Croquettes, patties, etc., are eaten with a fork. 

THE SPOON. 

We eat strawberries with a spoon, but in Europe, 



164 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



where they are much less lavish with them, they are 
passed around on the stem, and each berry is dipped 
into sugar as it is eaten. 

A spoon is used in eating Roman punch. Ices are 
sometimes eaten with a fork, but usually with a spoon. 

In eating lettuce, the knife and fork must both be 
used if the leaf is large, but the fork must be used to 
convey it to the mouth. A piece of bread may be 
used in gathering the lettuce onto the fork. 

With salad, bread, butter and cheese are served, 
and a salad knife and fork are important. It is in 
bad form to cut up salad very fine on one's plate. 
Let that be done, if at all, before it is brought to the 
table. 

Olives may be placed on the table before the guests 
arrive, or they may be brought on after the soup is 
served. They may be taken with a spoon from the 
dish in which they are served, and eaten with a fork 
or with the fingers. It is considered equally proper 
to eat them either way. 

Canned tomatoes, corn, etc., are eaten with a 
spoon usually, although with the growing use of the 
fork some people now use that. 

Pine-apple is cut with the knife and conveyed to the 
mouth with a fork. 

A silver knife is used in eating apples and pears. 
They are peeled, cut into quarters, and eaten with 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



165 



the fingers usually, but if the fruit is very juicy, like 
some pears, it is better to use a fork. It is always 
better to use a fork, even at the peril of seeming 
affected, than to offend the taste of another by mak- 
ing a mess with the fingers, as some careless people 
often do. A steel knife is never used in eating fruit 
because the juice stains the steel, and it gives an un- 
pleasant flavor to the fruit. 

Oranges are peeled and separated into their natural 
sections, although they are sometimes cut instead. 
They are often pared with a spoon by English people. 
To eat an orange gracefully requires some practice 
and skill. 

Bananas are peeled and sliced with a knife and 
eaten with a fork. 

EATING EGGS. 

Eggs that are boiled in the shell should be placed 
in an egg cup, the shell broken at one end, and then 
eaten from the shell. 

Break bread with the fingers, in place of cutting it. 
It can be laid on the table-cloth by the side of the 
plate. 

THE CEREMONIOUS DINNER. 

The ceremonious dinner demands much more prep- 
aration and care than the simple family gathering. 
The invitations to such dinners are sejjt out 3 week 
previous, These read thug; 




166 IN THE DINING-ROOM. 

Mr. and Mrs. Fred Huntress 
request the pleasure of 
Mr. and Mrs. James Weston's company 
at dinner on Wednesday, March ioth, 
at seven o'clock. 

ANSWERING INVITATIONS. 

An invitation of this sort must be responded to at 
once, accepting or declining. In the latter event, 
the cause should be stated plainly. If sudden illness 
or any other emergency arises, to prevent attendance 
after the invitation has been accepted, word should 
be sent to the hostess, even if but a few minutes before 
the hour appointed. 

ANNOUNCING DINNER. 

The dinner prepared, and the guests arrived, prop- 
erly introduced to escorts, the servant quietly an- 
nounces that dinner is ready. The host offers his 
arm to the oldest lady, or to the one in whose honor 
the dinner is given, the hostess following with the most 
honored gentleman. The younger guests should per- 
mit the older ones to precede them. The host and 
hostess may sit at the two ends of the table, or oppo- 
site each other in the middle of the table. Each lady 
si* at the right of her escort. 



1 

JJ 



ml 



3 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



167 



OYSTERS HOW SERVED. 

Raw oysters are served on majolica plates, and 
placed at each plate before the guests are seated. If 
they cannot be obtained they can be omitted and 
the first course may then be soup. Everyone is not 
fond of soup, but those who are not cannot decline 
it, but should make a pretense of partaking of it. 
Those who are fond of it must never ask for a second 
supply, and the plate must not be tilted in partaking 
of it. 

REFUSING WINE. 

If the host provides wine, and you are disinclined 
to drink it, yoa can refuse it without giving offense. 

LADIES LEAVING THE TABLE. 

At a sign from the hostess, the ladies all rise from 
the table, and repairing to the drawing-room, leave 
the gentlemen to their own devices. But it is a 
healthy sign that the gentlemen soon follow them. In 
France the gentlemen and ladies all leave the dinner 
table together, as indeed they do here, at an informal 
or family dinner. 

Whether an invitation to a dinner is accepted or 
not, all those invited should make an after-call within 
a very short time after the entertainment. Sending 
a card is not a sufficient acknowldgement of an invi- 
tation to a dinner. 



168 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



ladies' toilets. 

Ladies' toilets for dinner should be very elegant, 
while the gentlemen appear in full dress. Gloves 
are removed at the table, and are not replaced. 
These formal dinners are always given in the evening. 

A GOOD NUMBER AT TABLE. 

Ten is a very good number to seat at dinner. 
Some people foolishly fear the dreaded thirteen. It 
is a superstition which probably has its rise in the fact 
that at the Last Supper there were thirteen. Many 
firmly believe that should this number meet at table, 
one of the company will die before the expiration of 
the year — an idea which has no foundation in fact. 

Guests should be prompt, arriving at least ten min- 
utes before the hour set for dining. Fifteen minutes 
is the limit of time allowed for the hostess to keep the 
remainder of the guests waiting the arrival of a tardy 
one. 

"All remain standing until the hostess is seated, 
when they take the seats assigned them. This is usually 
indicated by a card (the guest card) laid at each place, 
on which is the name of the guest for whom that seat 
is designed. Many fanciful designs are often prepared 
for these cards. They may be hand-painted, with 
figures of flowers, landscapes or birds, or have beau- 
tiful etchings, or bronze and silver ferns, or have 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



169 



some design in consonance with the giving of the din- 
ner. " 

WHAT A HOSTESS SHOULD AVOID. 

A lady must never lose her self-possession. She 
should never reprove servants before others. The oc- 
casion should be made as pleasant as possible. The 
hostess should never allow her plate to be removed, 
until all the guests have finished eating. 

THE HOST'S DUTIES. 

"The host must be ever on the alert to assist the 
hostess. He must watch the conversation, suggest 
new topics when it flags, direct it away from un- 
pleasant topics, draw out the reticent aud encourage 
the shy. He must always aim to bring out others, 
while he should never shine supreme at his own table. 
He should possess a knowledge of the world that 
nothing can surprise, and a calmness and suavity that 
nothing can ruffle. As far as possible the wants of 
all should be anticipated." 

On leaving, each guest should express the pleasure 
they have received in as few words as may be. 

LUNCHEONS. 

Luncheons are such sociable affairs that they are 
Very popular with many ladies who dread the cere- 
mony of a dinner, and yet who desire to entertain 



170 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 



! A 
/vS> 



^5 



it ^ 



their friends. Any meal between the regular ones is 
called a luncheon, and the invitations may be by card, 
or even verbally. Colored table-cloths may be pressed 
into service, and there is a fine opportunity for the 
display of handsome china. 

INVITE AS MANY AS YOU CHOOSE. 

Any number of guests can be invited, and if the 
ladies outnumber the gentlemen, it does not matter. 
Sometimes there are no gentlemen at all, as these 
luncheons are day-time affairs, when men are gener- 
ally engrossed in business. 

There is scarcely any formality observed. 

WEARING HATS AT TABLE. 

Hats and bonnets can be worn at the table by the 
ladies, and they sit wherever they please. At lunch- 
eon the menu card is never used. Guests help them- 
selves, and one another. 

BILL OF FARE. 

The bill of fare may be varied. Cold meats, tea 
and coffee, with loaf cake, puddings, ice-cream and 
tarts are usual, though some have hot meats served. 

Music and conversation follow the lunch. 

Calls are made after a luncheon the same as after a 
dinner. 






IN THE DINING-ROOM. 171 

As many ladies may be partial to the luncheon, we 
quote a bill of fare suited to this meal, as also the in- 
vitation: 

Mrs. Maurice Myer 
Luncheon at n o'clock, 
May 20th. 

Raw oysters on half -shell. 
Bouillon. 
V o 1 s-a u-v en t of Sweet-breads. 
Lamb-chops, Tomato Sauce. 
Chicken Croquettes, French Peon. 
Salad of Lettuce. 
Neufchatel Cheese, Milk Wafers toasted. 
Ciiocolate Bavarian cream, moulded in small cups, with a spoonful of 
Peach Marmalade on each plate. 
Vanilla Ice-cream, Fancy Cakes. 
Fruit. 




CHAPTER XIV. 



TABLE MANNERS. 

NO surer gauge of the native refinement of any 
person can be found than the manners which 
they show at the table. It is incumbent upon par- 
ents to train their children in those niceties of etiquette 
which will grow with their growth, and make their 
progress through life far easier. 

Who does not feel compassion for that young per- 
son who is, at the very outset of his career, confront- 
ed with the dread lest he make an exhibition of his 
lack of good manners? By commencing to instill 
simple forms of good-breeding into the child in its ear- 
liest years, they become habitual, and their perform- 
ance a second nature. 

CHILDREN SHOULD BE INSTRUCTED. 

Children should be early brought to the table, that 
they may benefit by association with those whose 
manners are fixed. By such association they will 
acquire an ease and readiness which will serve them 

172 



TABLE MANNERS. 



173 



well when they in turn become entertainers, in their 
after life. 

POLITENESS TO ALL. 

The enjoyment of the family meal is greatly 
enhanced when each member is polite and attentive 
to the others; when parents and children alike are 
cheerful, agreeable and look after each other's com- 
fort. 

CHILDREN ALLOWED TO TALK AT TABLE. 

The children in a household should be encouraged 
to talk, but not permitted to show off, and say smart 
things. There is a great temptation on the part of 
fond parents to tell the bright sayings and doings of 
their offspring to strangers, in their presence; this 
should never be indulged in, as it not alone makes 
the little one have an undue idea of its own impor- 
tance, but it becomes annoying to strangers, who, 
although they may be very partial to a bright child, 
do not want to hear its praises sounded continually. 

MANNERS OF THE LITTLE ONES. 

Children should wait quietly, until their elders are 
served. This will be difficult for them no doubt, for 
nearly all children are gifted with healthy appetites, 
but if the habit of waiting is enforced, it will become 
easy to them. 



TABLE MANNERS. 



ASKING POLITELY. 

Require them in asking- for an article out of their 
reach to preface the request with, " Please pass me 
the salt," and also to call the one whom they address 
by his name, as a Mr. Willis, will you please pass 
the salt?" When they are invited to have more of 
an article, which they do not desire, they should an- 
swer politely, "I do not wish any more, thank you." 
The youngest child can be taught these simple rules. 

Precept and the example of their elders will work 
wonders. It is related of a lady who asked a physi- 
cian when she should begin to instruct her three- 
year-old child in manners and morals, that he an- 
swered — "Madam, you have lost two years alreadyV 

LOUD TALKING PROHIBITED. 

Loud talking on their part should be prohibited, as 
also interrupting conversation. They should not 
whisper, however, or glance around the table and 
giggle. Neither should an older child reprove the 
wee ones aloud for any breach of good manners, or 
direct the attention of the mother to it in the presence 
of others. A look, or low-spoken word will remind 
the offending one and save it mortification. 

WHEN CHILDREN LEAVE THE TABLE. 

If children are compelled to leave the table before 




THE EVENING SONG. 




AN OLD-TIME BELLE. 





the rest of the family, so as to reach school, they 
should rise quietly, ask to be excused and leave the 
apartment so as not to disturb anyone. 

DO NOT LET THEM EAT GREEDILY. 

They should not eat greedily, cramming their 
mouths full, nor smack their lips, tilt their chairs back, 
or drop their knives carelessly on the table-cloth. 
The knife and fork should be laid across the plate, 
with the handles to the right, when the meal is fin- 
ished. 

GROWN PEOPLE AT FAULT. 

While children's manners are thus alluded to, we 
regret to say that they are not the sole violators of 
good-breeding. To any one who observes much, it is 
astonishing that so many well-dressed people, who 
seem to know so much, are so shockingly rude at the 
table. Such people are sometimes guilty of acts 
which are revolting. The well-bred will always regard 
the prejudices of those around them, and try not to 
offend in any manner. 

BEGGING COMPLIMENTS. 

Don't solicit compliments for your food, by laying 
stress upon the care with which it is prepared. If 
it is good, the guest will not be slow in compliment- 
ing you, although this should be done without ap- 




176 



TABLE MANNERS. 



proaching to flattery. It would be a great shock to 
one's self-love if some blunt, ill-bred guest should 
agree with you when you declared that such and such 
a dish was scarcely worth eating. You were sorry that 
you had no better to offer. Say nothing about the 
food you set before your guests; but by its abundance 
and the welcome you give him, will he measure its 
value. 

REFUSING AN ARTICLE OF FOOD. 

If a guest does not care for a certain article on the 
table, or for some reason does not wish to partake of 
it, he should not refuse it by stating that "Cheese 
don't agree with me," or "I can't endure tomatoes," 
but simply say — "I do not care for any, thank you." 
We well remember the horror and disgust with which 
an apparently well-bred lady filled her listeners at 
the table by declining a certain dish with the asser- 
tion that "It took too long to digest, and her doctor 
had forbidden it." 

RUDENESS AT TABLE. 

There are many little rudenesses which can be 
avoided at the table, and which a little thought would 
instinctively pronounce offensive. Among these are 
coughing or breathing into your neighbor's face. 
Fidgeting in your seat, or moving about restlessly; 
drumming upon the table with your fingers; whisper- 



TABLE MANNERS. 



ing confidentially with your neighbor; emphasizing 
your remarks by flourishing your fork, to the risk of 
your neighbor's eyes; leaning the elbows upon the 
table; standing up and reaching across the table in 
place of requesting that what you want be passed 
you. All these acts of ill-breeding or thoughtlessness 
we have seen perpetrated by those who should know 
better. 

MANNERS AT TABLE. 

Sit upright at the table without bending over or low- 
ering your head to partake of your food. Do not sit 
either too far away or too near the table. Don't sit 
with one arm lying on the table, your back half turned 
to your left-hand neighbor, while you eat with a 
voracity that is only equaled by those who are much 
at railroad eating-houses, where "ten minutes for 
lunch" is the rule. 

When oysters are served for the first course, it is 
proper to commence eating at once. 

If you do not like soup, allow it to remain un- 
touched until the servant removes it. 

Keep your mouth closed as much as possible whiie 
you are masticating your food. 

THINGS TO AVOID. 

Do not eat onions or garlic before going into com- 



178 



TABLE MANNERS. 



pany. They may be very healthy, but they are also 
very offensive. 

Do not talk loudly or boisterously, but be cheerful 
and companionable, not monopolizing the conversa- 
tion, but joining in it. Never butter a slice of bread 
and bite into it like a hungry school-boy, and do not 
cut the slice into halves or quarters with your knife, 
but break off a piece, when wanted, and then butter 
and eat it. Do not break the bread into your soup. 

As in serving the courses, each plate, with a knife 
and fork upon it, is set before you, remove the knife 
and fork instantly, and lay them beside the plate. 
To neglect this will force the servants to remove 
them, and delay the progress of the dinner. 

Do not twirl a goblet, or rattle the knife and fork, 
or show anything which will look like impatience or 
eagerness to commence the meal. 

Bones and fragments should be deposited on the 
edge of your plate, so as not to soil the table-cloth. 
If you by accident spill coffee or tea, do not apologize. 
It is understood that you did not do it intentionally. 
The servant should at once spread a clean napkin 
over the stain. 

Never turn tea or coffee into your saucer to cool it. 
If you wish a second cup, place the spoon in the 
saucer before passing it to be refilled. Do not stand a 



TABLE MANNERS. 



179 



dripping cup on the table-cloth. Never blow soup to 
make it cool. 

It is very rude to pick your teeth at the table after 
a meal is completed. 

Napkins are to wipe the mouth with, not to mop 
the forehead or nose. 

Never put your own knife, fork or spoon into a dish 
from which others are to be helped. 

JRESS EOR THE OCCASION. 

The table being a meeting place where everything 
should be nice and conducive to good manners, a gen- 
tleman will never appear at it in his shirt sleeves. If 
it is excessively warm weather, and he wishes to 
enjoy the freedom of his own home table, he can don 
a light coat of seersucker, farmer's satin, or similar 
material; but in public he will always retain the coat 
which he wears through the day, save of course, on 
dress occasions, of which we have spoken else- 
where. 

A lady should observe the same care in her dress. 
Untidy hair and dirty nails are especially repellant. 

SERVING AT TABLE. 

The one who serves at table, should not help too 
abundantly, or flood food with gravies. Many do 
not like them; and it is better to allow each guest to 



180 



TABLE MANNERS. 



help himself. Water is poured at the right of a guest 
— everything else is passed from the left. 

Do not watch the dishes as they are uncovered. 
Or talk with the mouth full. 

If you discover something objectionable in the food 
do not attract the attention of others to it, but quietly 
deposit it under the edge of your plate. 

DO NOT SOP GRAVY, ETC. 

Never sop up your gravy or preserves with bread. 
And do not scrape your plate so as to obtain the 
last bit, or drink as though you were dying of thirst. 
It is quite an art to drink gracefully. Don't throw 
your head back and raise the glass perpendicularly, 
but carry the glass to your lips, and by lifting it to a 
slight angle, you easily drain its contents. 

Be careful not to stretch your feet across the room, 
under the table. It is very disagreeable to be kicked, 
even accidentally. 

In leaving the table, if business or an engagement 
compels you to, excuse yourself. It is only in hotels 
or boarding-houses that this is permitted to pass un- 
noticed. 

It is rude to handle the bread or cake which is 
offered you. Only touch the piece which you intend 
to eat. 



f 



TABLE MANNERS. 



181 



EAT WHAT YOU WISH AT THE TABLE. 

Never carry fruit or confectionery away from the 
table. Eat what you wish while there. 

"There is difference of opinion as to who should be 
first served at table, many insisting that the old fash- 
ion of serving the hostess first should be continued; 
but as this originated in the days when people were in 
the habit of poisoning guests by the wholesale, as a 
convenient way of ridding themselves and the world 
of them, there seems to be no reason why it should 
be observed now. Then guests preferred that the host- 
ess should show her confidence in the viands set before 
them, before partaking themselves; but the natural 
instincts of propriety seem to indicate that the most 
honored guest, that is, the lady at the right of the 
host, should be first served." 

WHOM A GENTLEMAN SHOULD SERVE. 

A gentleman seated by a lady or an elderly person 
passes the water or whatever may be required by his 
neighbor at the table. 

*DO NOT READ AT TABLE. 

Never bring a book or paper to the table to read. 
It is allowable at a hotel or restaurant, where you 
are not anxious to form promiscuous acquaintances, 



182 



TABLE MANNERS. 



4 



but among friends, the gaps should be filled in by 
cheerful and enlivening conversation. 

Remove fish bones before eating, but should one get 
into the mouth, remove it by placing the napkin 
before the mouth. 

Everything that it is possible to cut or break with 
a fork should be eaten without a knife. 

OBJECTING TO WINE. 

Should you have scruples about taking wine at the 
dinner table, it is not necessary to enter into an 
explanation of them, and thus bring around your 
unfortunate head a veritable "hornet's nest" of ridi- 
cule and argument from unthinking people. Merely 
decline it, in a quiet and respectful manner. Those 
whose opinion is worth having, will see nothing sin 
gular in the fact that you do not use wine. 

Eat slowly, as a measure of health, as well as man- 
ners. 

MAKE YOUR PLATE PALATABLE-LOOKING. 

Do not mix your food on your plate with the knife. 
It looks as though you set no score by the nice care 
with which the various articles had been prepared. 
It were all the same to you, whether it were fish or 
f ow l — it was only made to be devoured, not eaten. 

PARING FRUIT. 

Never pare fruit for a lady, unless asked to do so, 



WJ 



If 







and then hold it upon the fork which belongs to her. 
Apples should be pared with silver fruit knives, and 
quartered and each slice carried to the mouth on the 
point of the knife. Still, there are many well-bred 
people who only enjoy apples when they can eat 
them as they did in their childhood's days, without 
the aid of a knife or fork. 

A FEW WORDS ON DINNERS. 

We close this chapter with the words of one who 
has written much upon dinners and the manners cur- 
rent at them. It is well understood that the forms we 
have given are those observed in larger cities, but 
they are intended also for smaller circles and towns. 
The same rules of etiquette prevail everywhere. 
Common sense will teach what modifications are to 
be made in some of these customs, so as to best 
adapt them to the needs of a smaller community. 
The truth is, that no one should suppose that ina- 
bility to give elaborate dinners releases him or her 
from "the obligations of hospitality. Each owes it 
to society and to himself, for the cultivation of his bet- 
ter nature, to give as many and as good entertain- 
ments as is possible, circumstances, and a proper reg- 
ulation of expenses to income being considered. It 
is a duty incumbent on each to bear a due share of 
social burdens; indeed, when given in the true spirit 




184 



TABLE MANNERS. 



V 



of hospitality and not simply as an irksome payment 
of a social debt, an entertainment is a pleasure, and 
not a burden. Too many people do not give parties 
or dinners, because they cannot afford to give such 
stylish ones as their neighbors afford, as if good fel- 
lowship was a matter of numberless courses or costly 
viands. There is a wise saying that 'a dinner of 
herbs where love is, is better than a stalled ox and 
hatred therewith;' and the simplest dinner, served in 
friendship, has in it more that softens and refines, 
than the most stately banquet, with its satiety and 
dull formalities, if unseasoned by the subtle spirit of 
friendly interest and feeling. Grand dinners are not 
always selfish and inhospitable affairs, nor are all 
simple dinners, given by plain people, served in the 
true spirit of kindly hospitality. Not all the hearty 
friendship of the world is monopolized by the poor; 
the rich and cultured, as well as plainer people, some- 
times have warm places in hearts, and give warm wel- 
comes to their friends. There are those, too, in the 
humbler walks of life, whom the struggle with the world 
has not taught charity; but there is no more reason 
why the rich should claim and monopolize all the 
refinements of the table, than that, as Wesley put 
it, 'the devil should have all the best tunes.' Rich 
or poor, it is ■ possible for all to cultivate kindly feel- 
ings, and to offer such hospitality as is within their 
means and fitting in their station." 



CHAPTER XV. 



gentlemen's calls. 

THERE are certain fixed rules laid down by aoc'iezv, 
which apply to a gentleman in a small place with 
the same force as in a large city. 
Cowper says: 

"Man in society is like a flower 
Blown in its native bed. 'Tis U».ere alone 
His faculties expanded in full bloom 
Shine out — there only reach their proper use." 

AN AID TO A GENTLEMAN. 

Not every man can tell whether he is at fault on 
small points of etiquette, and therefore such will be 
grateful to those who settle these matters for them. 
A gentleman feels diffident in regard to the code of 
calling, lest he trespass upon some established rule 
which he should have known, and which will be a 
guide for his conduct. 

CALLING ON A LADY. 

A gentleman cannot consider himself privileged to 
call upon a lady upon the strength of an introduction 

185 



186 



GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



alone. He may desire very much to do so, but waits 
to be invited. If the invitation does not come, and 
he is anxious to prosecute the acquaintance, he may 
leave his card at her residence. If he is acceptable, 
the young lady's mother will send him an invitation 
to visit the family, or ask his presence at some enter- 
tainment to be given at their home. After that, it is 
plain sailing, and the gentleman can feel that he has 
a right to call occasionally. 

If his card receives no acknowledgment, he may 
conclude that for some reasons best known to them- 
selves, they do not wish to extend their acquaintance. 
And in this case, he must wait when next they meet 
in public, for a recognition at their hands, as would 
any stranger. 

DO NOT ACCEPT CARELESS INVITATIONS. 

If a lady carelessly invites a gentleman to call, 
without specifying the particular time, he may deem 
it no invitation at all, as she is more than likely to be 
out or engaged, should he avail himself of such an 
off-hand permission. But if she states the time 
when he may call he should be prompt in keeping his 
engagement. If anything prevents his coming he 
should dispatch a messenger with a note explaining his 
absence. Carelessness of this sort has checked many 
a friendship. 



GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



187 



THE FIRST CALL. 

On making a first call he must have a card for each 
lady of the houshold. When there are several sis- 
ters in a family, and the mother is living, two cards 
will answer — one for the mother, and one for the 
daughters. 

The cards which a gentleman uses often are indi- 
cations of his character. They are to be as simple 
its possible. The following will serve as a model, and 
is to be either written or engraved — preferably the 
latter, as all gentlemen do not write a legible hand: 

Mr. Allen Hague, 

634 Belmont Avenue. 

The prefix "Mr." should not be used, if the card 
is written by its owner, but in an engraved one, it is 
adopted. The card must be of the finest texture, and 
lusterless. 

HOUR FOR CALLING. 

A gentleman whose time is his own can call be- 
tween 2 and 5 P. M. But as business engrosses nearly 
all our gentlemen, from 8 to half-past 8 in the even- 
ing is the proper time to make a social call. If he 
calls before that hour he may interfere with some 
previous engagement she may have, and will surely 
displease his hostess by his eagerness. 





A FORMAL CALL. 

In formal calls a gentleman asks to see all the ladies 
of the family. If he calls upon a young lady who is 
visiting people whom he has never met, he should 
send in a card for the hostess at the same time that 
he sends in one for the young lady. The lady of the 
house should enter the room before his departure, to 
give him the assurance that any friend of her guest is 
welcome, to her house. 

ASK FOR SOME MEMBER OF THE FAMILY. 

A gentleman should in all cases inquire for the 
mother or chaperon of any young lady whom he calls 
on, and if she appears he should address his conversa- 
tion to her principally. But if she makes a practice 
of entering the parlor and remains there during his 
entire call, no matter how often he comes, he should 
conceal his annoyance under a well-bred manner. 
But the wisest way would be to take the hint thus 
afforded, and act upon it. 

CUSTOM ABROAD. 

In Europe the constant presence of an elder lady 
during a gentleman's visits would be deemed only a 
necessary observance of etiquette, but the customs of 
our land are totally different. 



41 



GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



189 



All invitations sent to a gentleman of any sort are 
promptly accepted or declined. 

CALLING ONCE A YEAR. 

A gentleman never should neglect to make a yearly 
call, when friends have returned from a summer vaca- 
tion. If he does not attend to this duty, he need not 
feel hurt if he is left out of the invitations for the 
entertainments of his lady friends the coming season. 

A gentleman can make an informal call on intimate 
friends at any hour which does not encroach upon their 
convenience. Don't go so often, however, that they 
enjoy your absence. 

NEW YEAR'S CALLS. 

These calls are observed with varying degrees of 
ardor. One year they are general, the next we hear 
that they are not observed. But when they are not 
made the pretext for forcing oneself upon people 
who are almost strangers, it seems a most delightful 
custom. There is necessarily, more latitude permitted 
in calling on that day, but still it is a good old cus- 
tom. 

CALL ONLY WHERE WELCOME. 

The gentleman who calls on the first day of the 
New Year confines his calls to those houses where he 
is sure of a welcome, and to those ladies who are 



190 



GENTLEMEN S CALLS. 



acquaintances of the ladies of his own family. He may 
also venture to accept an invitation given him by 
another gentleman. 

MAKE YOUR CALL BRIEF. 

A call on this day should be limited to ten or fifteen 
minutes, for the hostess presumably has an extensive 
list of friends to entertain, and cannot devote much 
time to any particular ones. 

If she does not recognize a stranger who is intro- 
duced to her at such a time, when meeting him again, 
he must not feel aggrieved. 

gentlemen's toilet. 

The dress of a gentleman making New Year's calls 
should be a morning costume of dark coat, vest and 
tie, and dark or light pants. Dress suits are for even- 
ing calls. His gloves should be of a sober tint. 

DECLINING OFFERED REFRESHMENTS. 

He has a right to decline refreshments. He should 
never accept wine or spirituous liquors, however hos- 
pitably they may be pressed upon him. He cannot 
afford to risk his reputation as a gentleman by using 
liquors promiscuously at every house at which he calls, 
knowing that the result would be intoxication. 




GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



TAKING A FRIEND WITH HIM. 



191 



A gentleman should never take the liberty to invite 
another gentleman to call on a lady (save on New 
Year's Day) without first asking her permission. 

In making a ceremonious call, the hat and cane 
are retained in the hand, but an umbrella is left in 
the hall. 

If you chance to call when a lady is just going out, 
make your stay brief, and say that you will call on 
another time. 

CARRYING CARD-CASES. 

Card cases are used only by ladies. Gentlemen 
carry their cards loose in their pockets, or in those 
leather memorandum books now so popular. 

EVENING CALLS. 

An evening call should not be too long. Three 
hours can scarcely be dubbed a call — it is rather more 
of a visit. Two hours is sufficient; and an hour 
will answer in most cases, and will be more likely to 
leave an agreeable impression behind them. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

A long-drawn-out leave-taking is tiresome and im- 
polite to the hostess, as she must stand after he has 
risen to go, until he has left the room. If there atfS 



192 



GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



\ 



■sr. 
i 



several ladies in the room, he should bow most deci- 
dedly to the lady of the house, and make a less formal 
inclination to the other members of the party. 

DO NOT CALL AT LUNCH HOUR. 

A gentleman should carefully avoid calling during 
the lunch or dinner hour, even upon friends, without 
he has been told to call at those hours, on any day. It 
is often said, "We dine (or lunch) at such an hour — 
come and see us and you will find us at home." If 
you call at that hour, and find a lady at lunch, send 
in word that you will wait till she is through with the 
meal. If she comes out and invites you to the table, 
either go in or take your leave at once. But don't 
keep her away from lunch by remaining to pay a 
visit, and compel her to go without her meal. It is 
often done from want of thought. 

LOOKING AT THE WATCH. 

A gentleman should not look at his watch, while 
making a call, unless he has to catch a train, or has 
another engagement. In that event, he should apolo- 
gize. 

Gentlemen may call on married ladies with the 
knowledge of their husbands. 

GENTLEMEN CALLING. 

When calling on another gentleman at a hotel send 






GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



193 



up your card, and wait for an invitation to the room. 
Announce yourself by a rap on the door, and do not 
burst in upon your friend without warning. The 
most intimate friendship does not warrant this free- 
dom. If it is a lady on whom you call, send up your 
card, and wait her appearance in the reception room. 

In calling you should not wait for an invitation to 
be seated, but take the most convenient seat within 
range of the ladies on whom you call. 

CALLING ON THE SICK. 

In calling upon a sick friend, send in your card, and 
wait until you hear how the invalid is. 

In leaving a card when you call, turn down one cor- 
ner of the visiting card, to signify that you called in 
person. 

ENGAGED. 

If you are met at the door of a friend's house with 
the statement that they are "engaged," or "not at 
home," which too often means the same thing, do not 
urge to be admitted, even though the family were 
among your dearest friends. You have no right to 
an exception in your favor, if they do not care to 
receive you on that day. 

DOGS SHOULD BE LEFT AT HOME. 

Do not take your pet dog with you when making a 
'3 



s 



1 



194 



GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



call. It is not to be expected that your hostess would 
extend her hospitality to dumb animals which perhaps 
she does not like. Dogs have no place in a parlor. 

If ladies accompany a gentleman when he is call- 
ing, they should precede him both on entering and 
leaving the room. 

Do not suggest to a lady that the room is chilly or 
draw too close to the fire when making a call, unless 
it is a very cold day, and she invites you to do so. 

DO NOT QUESTION CHILDREN OR SERVANTS. 

If you are left alone for a moment, and a child or 
servant comes into the room, do not presume upon 
good-breeding to ask them any questions about the 
family, A man who would do this should be debarred 
from the hospitality of any home. 

LEAVE THE CARD-BASKET UNTOUCHED. 

Do not examine the cards in the card-basket. You 
have no right to investigate as to who calls on a lady. 

It is usual to wear the morning dress in calling — a 
dark suit, with gloves of a dark shade. Light-colored 
suits are permissible in warm weather. Overshoes, 
if at all soiled must be removed in the hall. 

Be cool and self-possessed. Listen rather more 
than talk. There is a happy medium between talk- 
ing too much and talking too little, and the man who 
finds it is a fortunate being. 



GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 195 
A FIFTEEN-MINUTE CALL. 

A formal call should not exceed fifteen minutes, 
and when that time has expired, rise and depart 
gracefully. 

If on making a call where all are strangers, at once 
announce your name, and upon whom you have called. 

If you call on a lady and find her absent, and she 
expresses her regret at the occurrence when next 
you meet, reciprocate her regret, and do not carelessly 
remark that it made no difference. 

THROW AWAY YOUR CIGAR. 

If you have been smoking on your way to make a 
call, throw away your cigar before you ring the bell. 
It is not very polite, however, to call on a lady with 
your clothes permeated with tobacco smoke. 

A married gentleman should always speak of his 
wife as "Mrs." never as "my wife." 

GENTLEMEN RECEIVING CALLS ON NEW YEAR'S DAY. 

On the first New Year's day after his marriage a 
gentleman receives calls at his own home, in company 
with his wife. He does not make any calls on that 
day. 

Clergymen do not make calls upon New Year's Day, 
but receive friends at their own residence. 



(QJ 



to 




I9G 



GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



CALLING ON BUSINESS MEN. 



In calling on a business man, remember that to him 
time is valuable, and do not take up any more of it 
than is absolutely necessary. The same rule should 
be observed in calling upon ladies who are engaged 
in business. Use as little of their time as possible. 

CALLS OF CONDOLENCE. 

A call of condolence should be made within ten 
days, if you are on an intimate footing with the 
bereaved ones. If you are not, at least a month 
should elapse. When you are admitted, do not allude 
to the sad event, unless those you call on, seem anx- 
ious that you should. A silent pressure of the hand, 
a tender and delicate deference of manner will speak 
far more effectively than words which are too apt to 
tear open the wound. It is in good taste to send a few 
flowers, or a book, or a simple message, to the aching 
hearts, such as "I send you deepest sympathy," "My 
love, dear friend," or "God be with you." These 
will reach down deep into the hearts of the mourning 
friends and bring them a grateful consciousness that 
you remember them in their affliction. 

A CONGRATULATORY CALL. 

When a friend has distinguished herself by some 
special act, or has written some especially fine article, 



GENTLEMEN'S CALLS. 



197 



or has been called to some position of trust, it is only 
a pleasant duty to call on her and delicately offer your 
congratulations. We all like to be appreciated, and 
when we have done anything worthily, it is not pleas- 
ant to have our effort ignored. 

Should several guests arrive during a gentleman's 
call, it is a nice time to avail himself of the oppor- 
tunity and pay his respects to his hostess and leave. 

He can do this less awkwardly than if he waits 
until they also, depart. 

A NEWLY MARRIED MAN'S LIST OF FRIENDS. 

When a wedding has been limited to a few rela- 
tives, or has been strictly private, the bridegroom 
should send his card to those of his gentlemen friends 
whom he wishes to introduce to his new home. The 
recipients of such cards should call upon the bride 
within two weeks. 

"After one has been invited to a dinner party, one 
must call within a week after the occasion, — call in 
person, and ask if the hostess is at home. A dinner 
party is one of the most solemn obligations of society; 
if you accept an invitation to one, only death or mor- 
tal illness is a legitimate excuse for not attending it, 
and. you must have nearly as good a reason for not 
calling promptly after it." 

The gentleman who moves in society will readily 



CHAPTER XVI. 



ladies' calls. 

ALLING is so intimately interwoven in society's 
laws, that not to know when to call, how to 
call and on whom to call, would be an unpardonable 
breach of etiquette. Society exacts of woman minute 
attention to little formalities which would be excused 
in a man in this land, where the sterner sex are 
almost to a unit immersed in business or politics. 

Formal calls in the city are intended to serve in 
lieu of the more genial and lengthy visits which are a 
part of country life; and are designed to cement the 
acquaintance with all whom you admit to your circle. 

MORNING CALLS. 

These do not mean, as the title would imply, calls 
made in the forenoon, but embrace the hours from i 
to 5 p. M. They are generally of fifteen or twenty 
minutes' duration. Should another lady call, make 
your own stay even more brief than this. Conversa. 
tion should be had on agreeable topics. Inquire first 
after all the inmates of the home, then passing ob 

199 







200 



LADIES' CALLS. 



to the daily subjects, the last new book, or latest 
fashion in dress. 

SUBJECTS FOR CONVERSATION. 

Never canvass an absent acquaintance, or repeat 
anything which has happened in another house where 
you have been received as a guest. 

ON LEAVING. 

When you are ready to go, say so, and rise at once 
and take leave of your hostess, who may accompany 
you to the door. If there is a servant, the hostess 
will most likely ring for her to show you to the door, 
meanwhile keeping you engaged in conversation until 
the very moment of your departure. 

WHAT NOT TO DO. 

Do not declare, the moment you enter, that you 
cannot stay an instant. You came to make a call. 
Let it be. agreeable and free from fussiness, and do 
not make your leave-taking a prolonged one. We 
have seen many people who were going at once, and 
yet who would compel their hostess to stand for sev- 
eral minutes, while they lengthened their parting into 
quite a visit, and wore the patience and good -breed- 
ing of their entertainer almost threadbare. 







LADIES' CALLS. 



201 



KEEPING A MEMORANDUM. 

When your list of acquaintances is an extensive one, 
it is a wise plan to keep a regular visiting book. Any 
little blank book can be made of use, by ruling off 
spaces for the names of your friends, calls made and 
to be made, also leaving room for future engage- 
ments. 

EVENING CALLS. 

Calls in the evening are made from 8 to 9, and 
should be of an hour's duration. The hostess rises 
on the entrance of her visitors, and offers them her 
hand, leading them to a seat. She must have tact 
and geniality, so as to draw out the best ideas from 
her visitors. Most women possess this quality, and 
therein lies their charm. 

REMAINING AT WORK. 

If you are engaged upon any piece of work when 
callers come, lay it aside. But when an informal 
friend or one of long standing enters, sewing, crochet- 
ing or fancy work, may be continued, if it does not 
interfere with friendly conversation. 

NOT AT HOME. 

That polite fib "Not at home" should be shut out 
of good society. It is far more honest to send word 
that one is engaged. A lady need not deny herself 



■{I 



202 



LADIES' CALLS. 



to any one, if she will have regular days for receiving. 
The dress should be very handsome on these days; 
and the lady who calls should be equally richly 
attired. 

Delay in proceeding to the parlor is rude, unless 
engaged in some important occupation which cannot 
be laid aside. If that is the case, send word that you 
will be at leisure in a few moments and make your 
appearance promptly at the time specified. 

KEEPING ON ONE'S WRAPS. 

The outer wraps are retained while making calls, 
the brief time allowed for remaining making it unnec- 
essary. If a lady is fearful of taking cold by keeping 
her wraps on, she may ask permission to remove 
them, and they can be laid on any convenient chair. 

CONDUCT WHILE WAITING. 

While waiting in the parlor for the lady on whom 
you call, to appear, the piano must remain untouched, 
as also the bric-a-brac. Sit quietly in the place the 
servant has assigned you, and rise when the hostess 
enters. 

CALLING FIRST. 

In the country and at watering-places those who 
were there first call upon the later comers. In 
England the lady highest in rank, calls first. Here 



V3 



LADIES' CALLS. 



203 



the older lady has the precedence, and she can make 
the first advances by inviting the younger one to call, 
or sending her an invitation to some entertainment. 

CONGRATULATORY CALLS. 

Calls of congratulation upon a young lady after her 
engagement is announced. All those who have re- 
ceived cards should call upon the parents of the bride 
as well as upon the young couple themselves. A call 
made upon a happy mother should not be made 
within a month after the advent of the little one. 

CALLS OF CONDOLENCE. 

Calls of this nature are made usually within ten 
days after a death has occurred, if you are on terms 
of intimacy with the family, but not for two weeks 
under other circumstances. But no allusion should 
be made directly to the sorrow which has come to 
them. Your silence is the most delicate sympathy 
you can manifest. 

INVITING ANOTHER LADY. 

A lady can take the liberty to invite another lady to 
accompany her in calling. A gentleman never should 
do so, without first asking permission of those whom 
he intends calling on. 



rf 



204 



LADIES' CALLS. 



CALLING ON STRANGERS. 

When a stranger comes into a town, the residents 
should call on her. In a city, the immediate neigh- 
bors should pay her the compliment of calling, 
although we regret to say that many ladies neglect 
this act of hospitality under the pretext that they 
don't know anything about their standing. This is 
a flimsy excuse. They should call first, and if the 
parties are not desirable as acquaintances, it is a very 
easy matter to drop them. 

CALLING ON THE SICK. 

When calling on the sick do not ask to be admitted 
to the sick room. Your card can be sent to the inva- 
lid, whose quiet will not thus be intruded upon. If 
it is proper for you to enter the chamber of the sick 
person, you will receive an invitation to do so from 
the friends. 

CALLING CARDS. 

The style of calling cards changes so frequently that 
a set form cannot be laid down. But the English and 
German text and the fancifully ornamented cards so 
much affected at one time have yielded the field to a 
more elegant and chaste fashion which seems to suit 
the growing taste so well that there is little danger 
of any very striking changes being made in that 



LADIES' CALLS. 



205 



direction, at least for a long time to come. A card 
is but a bit of pasteboard, and would seem to be of 
no consequence, and yet it is a silent messenger which 
vouches for the cultivation and familiarity with good 
usages, of its owner. 

QUALITY OF CARD. 

The first desideratum in a card is fineness of text- 
ure; then size and shape. The lettering must also 
be selected with care. There should be no glazing 
upon the card, and the engraving should be done in 
the finest script. Some ladies write their own cards, 
but this requires a fine penman. 

gentlemen's cards. 

The card carried by gentlemen should be rather 
small. A fac-simile of their autograph is often 
printed, but this smacks a little of vanity. This is 
the proper size for a gentleman's card: 



Mr. William Barber, 

26 Gross Terrace. 



If he has a title it should be placed before his 






LADIES' CALLS. 

name. It is said that the Hon. Daniel Webster 
and also Henry Clay both preferred their names 
printed upon their cards thus — "Mr. Webster;" "Mr. 
Clay." 

widow's cards. 

A widow should not use the initials of her husband 
upon her cards. She should use the following form: 

"Mrs. Lizzie Stevens." 

But during her husband's lifetime her card shouid 
read: 

"Mrs. Edward Stevens," 

The object being to prevent confusion should there 
be other sons in the same family who were married. 

Husbands and wives no longer use the same cards, 
but each has a separate visiting card. 

PREFIXES. 

It is an undeviating rule that young ladies prefix 
the "Miss" to their names upon their cards, and never 
use nicknames. The same rule applies to a married 
lady, who should never omit the prefix "Mrs." 

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER'S CARD. 

When a mother has a daughter who is just entering 
society, the card made use of is worded thus: 





LADIES' CALLS. 



307 



Mrs. John Day Howard. 
Miss Lucy Howard. 



A young lady can have a card of her own after hav- 
ing been in society a year. 

RECEPTION CARDS. 

When a lady has certain days set apart on which 
she receives friends, her card should indicate it by 
the following form: 



Miss Mabel Osborne. 

Tuesdays 
■3 to 6. 



CHANGING RESIDENCE. 

When a lady removes her residence, she should 
leave a card with her new address, with those whose 

14 



% 



f 



T / : 





208 



LADIES' CALLS, 



turn it is to call upon her. But she can send these 
cards by mail to all upon whom she called last. 

p. p. c. CARDS. 

When leaving town for a protracted absence P. P. 
C. cards are sent, but they are not sent when leaving 
for a short absence only— as for a trip to the sea-shore, 
or to the country. The initials P. P. C, stand for 
the French words Pour prendre conge (meaning to 
take leave) and are always in the lower right hand cor- 
ner of the card, and in capitals. It is wrong to use 
the small letters, p. p. c. The initals P. D. A., 
{Pour dire adieu) mean the same, but they are not 
often used. These cards may be sent by mail. Many 
cards are sent by mail now. In England a card sent 
through the postoffice is considered equivalent to a 
visit. 

MOURNING CARDS. 

Those who are in mourning should have cards with 
a black border. Cards should be left for people who 
are in mourning, but only intimate friends should 
seek admittance. 

WHEN CARDS ARE SENT. 

A stranger arriving in a city sends cards to his 
friends that they may call upon him. Business cards 
should not be made use of in making a call. When 





LADIES' CALLS. 



209 



attending receptions cards should be left in the hall 
on entering, so as to help the hostess to remember 
who has called. In sending fruits, flowers, books, 
etc., the card of the sender should accompany them. 
On recovering from an illness, or when the period ot 
mourning is ended, a card should be sent to each one 
who has called during these times. The following 
is a good form: 



Mrs. Joseph Rand, 

With thanks for 
Miss Neal's kind inquiries. 

NEW YEAR'S CALLS. 

The fashion of calling on New Year's Day fluctu- 
ates. One year it is announced that there will be 
very little calling done, the next year it seems as 
popular as ever. There is no doubt that the gener- 
ous hospitality of the glad season has been greatly 
abused by the boldness of young men who avail them- 
selves of the custom to intrude where they have no 
claim. And yet it is a beautiful custom, for this is 
the time when resentments are laid aside, friendships 
are renewed, and the pages of life are freshened. 



210 



LADIES' CALLS. 



"The practice of publishing in the newspapers lists 
of ladies who will receive calls on New Year's Day, 
has often been criticised, but in some localities it has 
the sanction of the best society. It has many com- 
mendable features, and is best left to the good taste 
of those most interested. When a lady receives with 
a friend, instead of at her own home, cards are sent 
to her friends, to notify them of the fact, and give 
them her address. Cards may also be sent out when 
she has changed her residence or returned from a pro- 
longed absence from home." 

CALLING HOURS. 

On this day the hours for calling are from 10 A. M. 
till ii P. M. But if a lady becomes too fatigued, 
she can instruct the servant to admit no more callers, 
"In the villages and small towns, where no special 
formalities are observed, but gentlemen call on their 
friends and tender their hearty good wishes for the 
opening year, the day is often enjoyed far more than 
in our busy centers of population, where more cere- 
mony becomes necessary." 

HINTS. 

We cannot close our chapter more pertinently than 
to quote from a well-known author things not to do 
when calling: 



LADIES' CALLS. 



211 



"Never make a long call if the lady is dressed ready 
to go out. 

"Never bring your waterproof or umbrella into the 
drawing-room when making a social call. 

"Never, if you are a lady, call on a gentleman save 
on business. 

"Never make an untidy or careless toilette when 
visiting a friend. 

"Never call at the luncheon or dinner hour." 

LENGTH OF CALL. 

For a formal call, about fifteen minutes is usually 
considered the proper length of time, one may pro- 
long it to half an hour occasionally, but only under 
"favorable circumstances," since it is far better to take 
one's leave before people begin to wish that one would 
go. Emerson says: " 'Tis a defect in our manners, that 
they have not reached the prescribing a limit to visits. 
That every well-dressed lady or gentleman should be 
at liberty to exceed ten minutes in his or her call on 
serious people shows a civilization still rude." 



CHAPTER XVII. 



THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. — TIMIDITY. 

^HERE is no more distressing sight than the 



X timidity of the novice in society. One who is 
continually anguished lest he commit some blunder 
which will taboo him in the circle in which he is 
placed. Timidity and awkwardness go hand in hand. 
Is it not strange, too, that this bashfulness belongs 
more commonly to that sex to which women look for 
protection and strength of character? It is equally 
strange that few women are bashful, to the verge of 
awkwardness. No matter how modest or shrinking 
they may be by nature, they have ever an innate 
sense of the fitness of things, a happy blending of 
timidity and self-possession that puts them at ease. 

This bashfulness has gone through life with some 
men. They could not shake it off. It clung to them 
like a garment. Society is to such a prolonged tort- 
ure, and its exactions become unendurable; and yet 
they realize more fully than the easy, comfortable, 
self-possessed man, the great benefits that mingling 
with their fellows will bring to them. 




212 



THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 213 
WHAT CAUSES BASHFULNESS? 

From what does this bashfulness spring? From 
an inherent modesty that makes them shrink from 
contact with those whose manners are more polished 
than their own? We have always been of that opin- 
ion, but we see it affirmed that shyness is but another 
form of egotism; and the writer who makes this asser- 
tion, explains by saying that it is the egotism which 
leads one to think constantly of self, even though in 
a disparaging fashion. We believe this view a little 
uncharitable, and regard this shyness a sort of humility 
that prompts a young person of either sex to dread 
lest they be criticised unmercifully for their gait, their 
manners or their personal appearance. 

ENTERTAINING A BASHFUL PERSON. 

It is a painful task to attempt to entertain a very 
bashful person. One almost feels in their presence 
as if their own light-heartedness were but a form of 
coarseness, so fiercely will the blood rush to the face 
of such a person, at your well-intended sallies of wit. 

COMPANIONSHIP NATURAL. 

It is natural for men and women to seek companion- 
ship. And a bashful man is no exception to this rule. 
He feels that strong attraction quite as deeply as does 
the one who was never taken at a disadvantage in his 




214 THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 

life. The attrition of other minds, the seeking of fel- 
lowship is productive of good. It develops the social 
side of the nature, and puts the stamp of polish upon 
all we do and say. This contact teaches many useful 
lessons of forbearance and patience, without which 
human nature would be incomplete. 

BASHFULNESS NO DISCREDIT. 

It is not discreditable to be bashful. It is founded 
upon a native delicacy of feeling, which, properly 
trained, will expand into a manly gentleness. It is 
only the manifestation of it which is to be deplored. 
The young person who cannot enter a room without 
fancying all eyes are upon him, nor be spoken to with- 
out stammering and trembling like a leaf, is sure to 
become conspicuous through those very faults, and 
thus they become intensified. 

GREAT MEN HAVE BEEN BASHFUL. 

It is a matter of history that some of the world's 
greatest men have been exceedingly bashful. George 
Washington was timid in the presence of ladies when 
a youth, and yet he was one of the most courtly of 
gentlemen in after years. Both Sheridan and Curran 
were appalled at the sound of their own voices on the 
occasion of their maiden speeches. It is related ot 
Cowper the poet, that he could not pass any one on 




THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 



215 



the road, but would make a detour through the 
fields, so much did he dread to meet strangers. 

These examples are but a few of the many that may 
be gleaned from history, but show sufficiently that it 
is not the humble or obscure alone, who are afflicted 
with bashfulness. 

PERSONAL OPINIONS. 

"Young men often, through real modesty, put forth 
their remarks in the form of personal opinions; as, 
with the introduction of, 'I think so-and-so,' or, 
'Now, I, for my part, have found it otherwise. ' This 
is generally prompted by humility; and yet it has an 
air of arrogance. The persons who employ such 
phrases, mean to shrink from affirming a fact into 
expressing a notion, but are accused of designing 
to extend an opinion into an affirmance of a fact." 
This is another form of bashfulness which must be 
conquered. 

how awkward! 

The shy man is forever committing some blunder. 
He is either stepping on some lady's dress, or spilling 
water on his neighbor at table, or knocking down 
some fragile bit of bric-a-brac with those elbows of 
his that are in the way on all occasions. When he 
is presented to a lady, he colors up violently, and 
stammers out some inappropriate response, or un- 







THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 

meaning question. He is generally in a hurry, and if 
asked to take a lady in to supper, he drags her in as 
though she were a lifeless bundle, and sits during the 
meal, as silent as a statue. 

MANNERS OBLIGATORY. 

A knowledge of the code of manners, so earnestly 
desired, and anxiously copied, by the timid, are 
equally binding upon all who would move in good 
society. They are needed in all situations, and are 
found everywhere. Every race, every tribe, even, 
has its own set rules of daily conduct to which we 
must conform if we would dwell among them. These 
laws of etiquette need not be looked upon as dis- 
agreeable restraints to be fretted against and tossed 
aside at will. Rather are they protections against 
the encroachments of the rude, the thoughtless, and 
the ignorant. Then what wonder is it if the mor- 
bidly shy and retiring person looks with sincere admi- 
ration upon that ease of manner which his intimates 
display. How he envies the self-possession of the 
man who can enter a room full of people, without- a 
tremor, and greet them calmly with no sign of being 
disconcerted. He would give much to be able to 
imitate him. 

SELF-RESPECT AKIN TO HUMILITY. 

It is said that true self-respect cannot exist apart 





THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 

he is addressed, he must try and collect his thoughts, 
and answer clearly and unconcernedly (of course, 
politely). Self-possession inspires confidence, and 
establishes a sort of free-masonry, which places peo- 
ple on an equal footing. There is no doubt that to a 
certain extent first impressions are lasting. And that 
is another strong plea for their being of an agreeable 
character. Emerson, who has written forcibly on this 
subject, in speaking of manners declares that, "When 
we reflect on their persuasive and cheering force: how 
they draw people together; how in all the clubs, man- 
ners make the members; how manners make the fort- 
une of the ambitious youth; that for the most part, 
his manners marry him, and, for the most part, he 
marries manners; when we think what keys they are, 
and to what secrets, what high lessons and inspiring 
tokens of character they convey, and what divina- 
tion is required in us for the reading of this fine tele- 
graph, — we see what range the subject has, and what 
relations to convenience, power and beauty. * * * 
The maxim of courts is that "manner is power" A 
calm and resolute bearing, a polished speech, an em- 
bellishment of trifles, and the art of hiding all uncom- 
fortable feelings are essential to the courtier. * * * 
Manners impress as they indicate real power. A 
man who is sure of his point carries a broad and con- 
tented expression, which everybody reads: and you 



THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 219 

cannot rightly train to an air and manner, except by 
making him the kind of man of whom that manner is 
the natural expression. Nature forever puts a pre- 
mium on reality." 

SELF-DEPRECIATION. 

The shyness of some people arises from a fear that 
they may be thought inferior to those with whom they 
are associated. This fault can easily be corrected by 
asking — "Who is my superior?" and answering it 
thus — No one merely from the accident of position 
or circumstances. Only he is superior who is so by 
grandeur of character, noble deeds and lofty impulses. 

And some again decline to make an effort to be 
polite and deferential lest they may be deemed serv- 
ile. There is no servility in courtesy. Some strong, 
self-contained natures may set at defiance some 
minor social laws, but such natures would possess 
still greater influence, did they add the charm of good 
manners to their other good qualities. It is often 
asserted, as an excuse for some glaring deficiency in 
this regard, "But he's a rough diamond." But would 
not that same diamond be far more brilliant and 
beautiful if it were polished and cut? 

SHYNESS BECOMES AWKWARDNESS. 

When shyness is carried to excess, it degenerates 



220 THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 

into awkwardness. The feeling that you are about 
to do something clumsily, precipitates the very catas^- 
trophe so much dreaded. The awkward man will drop 
anything he tries to hand to a lady, stumbles over 
hassocks, opens windows when he should close them; 
to be brief, he is the terror of the ladies, for they 
know that he is liable to imperil their comfort in some 
unexpected manner at any moment. At the table he 
creates confusion and ill-concealed merriment, until 
the unfortunate cause is ready to fly forever from a 
scene where he is so out of place. 

SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS. 

There is another class who are self-conscious. 
This is as disagreeable as it is foolish. Those who 
have this fault are ever holding up the mirror to their 
own personality. When they converse, it is of self 
they are thinking. They never forget themselves for 
an instant, and are always posing that others may 
admire. Their gaze is perpetually wandering to catch 
an expression of how they are valued. Such people 
impress one very unpleasantly. They are self-con- 
stituted "lions." They grow dogmatic, opinionated, 
and repel when they fancy they astonish. 

SHYNESS DETRIMENTAL. 

Every man can become a gentleman. And an 



THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD A^D SHY. 221 

acquaintance with the laws laid down for social eti- 
quette is the shortest road to this end. Clearly then 
it is a duty the timid man owes to himself to conquer 
his weakness. A shy person will throw a restraint 
over a group of people, and cause the most sparkling 
conversation to flag. It is impossible to become 
friendly and chatty with such an individual. He 
never thaws out. His presence will have the effect of 
dampening the pleasure of others, or else they become 
indifferent to him, and leave him to his own resources. 
This is unkind, for as we said before, the man or 
woman who is shy is painfully modest, and will go 
through life misunderstood and unappreciated. He 
needs the most delicate sympathy. He should be en- 
couraged to talk, but it must be done in so careful a 
manner that he will not be conscious of your intent, 
else will his pride take alarm, and he will retreat from 
the field. 

INHERITED BASHFULNESS. 

Bashfulness is often an inheritance, and children 
who are its victims are not properly trained. The 
boy or girl who is sensitive should not be ridiculed by 
the more courageous brothers and sisters. Every 
opportunity should be given them to mingle with their 
elders. They should be taught dancing, gymnastics 
and all similar accomplishments. The physical grace 
and poise these impart to a youth, will extend to the 



222 



THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 



mind as well, and give him confidence in his own 
ability. A youth thus educated, grows graceful — his 
carriage bespeaks a healthy dignity born of a freedom 
from pretense. 

Take boys who are bashful into the parlor when 
guests are present, but do not force them into promi- 
nence. Watch them, but do not let them feel that 
they are the objects of solicitude. Leave them un- 
concerned and free from restraint. Present them 
quietly to the guests as if it were an everyday event, 
and leave them to wander through the rooms at their 
own pleasure. They will soon grow accustomed to 
their surroundings, and the feeling that nothing is ex- 
pected of them will soon lead them to wonder why 
this is so. From wondering, they will commence ex- 
amining self, then imitating others, and this silent 
training will soon show good effects in the outward 
demeanor. 

DO NOT BECOME AFFECTED. 

But it is, after all, so easy to be rid of bashfulness, 
the means are so plainly within reach, that we would 
impress upon a young man that he should guard 
against the opposite extreme — assuming an ease which 
is not felt; an affectation of well-bred indifference 
which becomes an impertinence, such as lounging in 
company, pretending to suppress a yawn, humming 
to oneself, staring blankly at people, or carelessly 



THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 



223 



nodding to them. These "airs" are too transparent, 
and will never be mistaken for that familiarity with 
good society, which they would have us believe they 
possess. 

A WORD OF ADVICE. 

To the really shy we would say: Give close atten- 
tion to what is going on around you; store your 
mind with the current thought of the day. Deter- 
mine to make the best of every circumstance. Min- 
gle with well-bred people. Social friction is absolutely 
necessary would you become polished. Do not be in 
a hurry about anything. This is fatal to the highest 
politeness. . Select a good model from among those 
who shine in society, and follow it. Goldsmith says 
— "People seldom improve when they have no other 
model but themselves to copy after." Remember, 
that by patient effort alone can you cast aside that 
shyness which makes society and its demands so op- 
pressive. We think that these words are fitting and 
timely: 

"Let the shy man remember that people are not 
thinking about him nearly as much as he supposes, — 
they are all too busy thinking about themselves. Let 
him especially avoid nervous, awkward tricks — play- 
ing with his cane or his hat or his watch-guard. If 
he can once learn to sit perfectly still, he has done a 

great thing, although he must beware of a repose that 
15 




224 



THE TIMID, THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 



is too stiff, and he must not look as if he had been 
frozen into one special attitude. We Americans are 
too nervous and too energetic to care to sit entirely 
quiet for more than a very short time; and yet the 
ability to do so in company and malice prepense 
shows one has reached the high-water mark of good- 
breeding." 




X.\ 




CHAPTER XVIII. 



THE GUEST CHAMBER. 

OPINIONS and customs have changed considera- 
bly within the past few years, on many points. 
Once it was thought absolutely necessary to have a 
room set apart for the honored guest, whose splendid 
appointments should eclipse the remainder of the 
sleeping rooms. When there were no visitors at the 
house it was shut up and left to its silence and loneli- 
ness. These chambers were made quite elegant, but 
they somehow lacked the home feeling of the more 
modern room provided for friends. 

A more sensible and just feeling is growing that one's 
household should all be cared for, and that no special 
outlay should be made with reference to any partic- 
ular portion of the dwelling. But every house should 
have a room or two set apart for the use of the cher- 
ished guest within your gates, and this can be made 
both cheery and inviting, by the exercise of a little 
taste and small expense. 

children's rooms. 

We would have the little one's rooms so near to 

225 




226 



THE GUEST CHAMBER. 



the mother, that she could exercise constant supervis- 
ion of them. A room next the mother's should be 
devoted to them, with a door cut between the two; 
and thus she would have ready access to them, at 
the first call. Children should never be put to sleep 
with servants or a very old person, no matter how 
cramped for sleeping room you may be. 

SELECT A PLEASANT ROOM. 

The guest chamber should be one of the pleasantest 
rooms in the house. A large and nicely furnished 
apartment so that a guest would not be made uncom- 
fortable for want of room. It should not be too far 
away from the other members of the family, or a 
sense of loneliness and isolation will be induced. Nor 
should it be so near that the noise and stir of housekeep- 
ing will disturb their rest too early in the morning. 

CARING FOR GUESTS. 

Every care should be taken to make the guest feel 
that he is surrounded with kind and loving guardian- 
ship. But the ordinary routine of the home-life 
should not be so disarranged that the presence of a 
guest will come to be considered almost an infliction. 
It is injurious to children to allow any intrusion or 
interruption of the daily routine of their lives and is 
especially displeasing to them. 



THE GUEST CHAMBER. 



227 



VENTILATION OF SLEEPING ROOMS. 

All chambers should be well ventilated from the 
outside. A room where the morning sun streams in 
is to be preferred, when it is obtainable, and in point 
of health has advantages over the dark, close, rooms 
lit by side lights, found in many of the city houses. 

NOT ROOM ENOUGH. 

There are many times when one or two guest cham- 
bers will not suffice for the number the family may be 
entertaining. In that case, the children may be dis- 
posed of by occupying less roomy quarters, and sacri- 
ficing their personal comfort to that of their parent's 
friends. It can be made a source of pleasant contriv- 
ing how to crowd a dozen people into the space where 
less than half that number are placed usually, and the 
children will get a great deal of fun out of the affair. 

NOT TOO ELABORATE. 

We do not wish to be understood as) inferring that 
the guest chamber may not be made a pleasant rest- 
ing place; but we do object to their being made so 
elegant as to utterly eclipse all the other apartments. 
We would have every sleeping room, from the little 
ones up to the oldest member of the home circle made 
attractive as taste can make it. We do not admire 
such violent contrasts as are afforded occasionally, 




j9 



THE GUEST CHAMBER. 

where the family occupy rooms scantily and even 
meanly furnished, and no effort is made to beautify. 
The cracked glass or comb with half the teeth gone, 
rickety chairs, torn towels, etc. , are relegated to 
these apartments, for "they are good enough for home 
use," while most elaborate pains are bestowed upon 
the — show-room we had almost said — guest cham- 
ber; thus making the room intended for company, and 
which is only in use now and then, a veritable 
"bower of beauty." 

A DETRIMENT TO CHILDREN. 

This course will have a bad effect upon the minds 
of the children of a household. It tends to make 
them unrefined and careless of outward appearances, 
and they learn to do their daily tasks in a slipshod, 
half-finished way. Seeing no attempt at making the 
home attractive, they do not take pride in it, them- 
selves. A feeling of discontent is engendered. They 
visit, in their turn, and seeing the taste and cultiva- 
tion displayed elsewhere, they ask — "Why can we not 
have a pretty room like this?" It has still more 
injurious effects in the example that is set of putting 
on a "company dress" as it were, and curtailing the 
comforts that belong to the occupants of the home. 
If parents cannot afford much, let them have that 
little all the time, and cordially invite your friends to 



'r — -O ^ 



Is. 



V) 



SI 



y 






THE GUEST CHAMBER- 



229 



share with you. Each membe r will thus take a 
interest in all that pertains to the welfare of home, 
and will mutually strive to adorn and brighten its sur- 
roundings. 

WHAT SHOULD IT BE ? 

The guest chamber should be noticeable for three 
things: The taste and judgment shown in its fur- 
nishing; its air of home-like comfort and ready access; 
and the scrupulous cleanliness which should prevail. 

SUITABILITY OF FURNISHING. 

Every room in a house, no matter whether attic or 
parlor, should be planned and furnished with an eye 
to harmony. The articles of furniture should cor- 
respond to the size and shape of the room, and the 
position in that room which the furniture is to occupy. 
The same regard must be paid to the colors of the 
walls, the draperies, and all other things. Sleeping 
rooms should always be decorated with light, pleasing 
tints. Nothing somber or gloomy should have a place 
here. One involuntarily shivers when he recalls the 
pomp and massiveness of the state chambers of days 
gone by — the funeral hangings of velvet, the lofty 
couch, the armored knights, the dim light of wax tapers 
casting their flickering shadows into the gloomy 
depths. A thousand times more desirable are the 




4- 




230 



7Y/£ GUEST CHAMBER. 



guest chambers of to-day, with bright draperies, and 
sunny outlook! 

If one's taste inclines him to dark furniture these 
light shades of wall and ornaments will harmonize 
very well; but our individual preference would always 
be for light-colored furniture for a sleeping room. 

ARRIVAL OF A GUEST. 

When a guest arrives, at once show him to the 
room he is to occupy, that he may remove the dust 
of travel, and prepare for the meal which should fol- 
low at once for his special refreshment, unless it 
chances that the usual family meal is close at hand. 

The chamber should be in perfect order, and pro- 
vided with plenty of towels, a hair-brush and comb, 
and fine soap. 

THE BED. 

This should be wholesome and clean, the mattress 
thick and soft. The sheets should be snowy-white, 
and the clothing for the couch should be ample. The 
outside spread should be of pure white material, or 
else a delicate blue, gray or pink. Red and somber 
counterpanes should be banished from our chambers. 
The pillows should be large and square, of down 
or hair. The latter are much liked by people who 
are subject to headaches. 

An extra pair of blankets or a comforter should be 





THE GUEST CHAMBER. 



231 



neatly folded and laid across the foot of the bed, or 
on a chair at hand, for the use of the guest, should 
the usual covers be insufficient. 

LAMPS. 

All sleeping rooms should be provided with a small 
night lamp, for those who do not like a dark room. 
A small lamp is preferable to a gas-jet turned down 
low, as the least draft from outside is liable to extin- 
guish that, and the odor from escaping gas is intoler- 
able. A small lamp is better, but do not turn that 
down; the flame from a lamp with a tin} 7 tube, is 
not sufficiently bright to disturb one's slumbers. It 
can easily be shaded by a paper or book. 

FURNITURE IN A CHAMBER. 

A room for sleeping should never be overcrowded 
with furniture. But there are some articles that are 
indispensable, as a lounge, for the comfort of the 
guest in the day-time. A rocker is a very nice adjunct, 
and few can resist the temptation of using them, in 
spite of what physicians say against them. They are 
also very handy if the visitor happens to be a lady 
with a young child. 

CHAIRS. 

These should be b'ght and graceful, and decorated 
with embroidered scarfs with fringed ends or trimmed 



232 



THE GUEST CHAMBER. 



with chenille balls which are so reasonable in price. 
The pretty little Madras scarfs are very charming, 
and not at all expensive. They may be knotted 
loosely over the chair or back of the lounge, and give 
it a picturesque look. 

PICTURES. 

There should not be many pictures, and those which 
are hung, should be chosen from simple subjects. 
Children's heads and still-life are the most appropri- 
ate. 

CURTAINS. 

Some people are partial to heavy draperies, but in 
that, as all the other accessories, lightness and cheer- 
fulness are more in keeping. Use light and floating 
material, and make the curtains hang so full that 
when draped they will serve the double purpose of 
softening the glare of the morning light, and seclud- 
ing the inmates of the room from view. Swiss muslin, 
gay Madras, or some of the prettily striped cheese 
cloth, looped with bright-colored ribbons, has a good 
effect. 

TINTED WALLS. 

The walls should be in subdued and delicate tints. 
A narrow border helps ornament them. When car- 
pets are used, they must be bright and cheerful, and 
the pattern rather small. Many ladies object to car- 



THE GUEST CHAMBER. 



233 



pets, considering them harborers of dust; they are 
also heavy to remove and cleanse; both of which 
objections are reasonable. Oiled floors, straw mat- 
ting, and heavy rugs are substituted for carpets in 
many homes of means. 

WHAT IS NEEDED. 

Among the useful additions to the guest's chamber 
is a sewing basket, a few shelves for books, a dressing 
case, and a footstool. It is not merely a place where 
your guest passes the night, but must be made con- 
venient and alluring, so that should he or she be so 
inclined, a rest can be obtained during the busy hours 
of day. 

WRITING MATERIALS. 

A stand or small desk well-stocked with stationery, 
for the use of those who come unprepared with writ- 
ing materials, would be appreciated. Such additions 
to the room give it a more home-like air. 

ACCESSORIES NECESSARY. 

On the dresser should be found a nail-brash, comb, 
shoe-buttoner, hair-brush and pincushion. The hair- 
brush can be kept clean by adding spirits of ammonia 
to a basin of water, and passing the brush through it 
several times; then rinse and stand it upright, resting 
on the point of the handle, to drain, 



234 



THE GUEST CHAMBER. 



At least a couple of drawers in the bureau should 
be left empty, for the convenience of the visitor who 
may make a prolonged stay. 

Do not forget a small basket for scraps of paper and 
combings of hair. This should be emptied every 
morning. 

And the match-box — keep it filled. What a lovely 
feeling it will give, if you are restless and wish to 
rise; you try to light the gas, and there are no 
matches to be found. The careful hostess will look 
to it that all these simple details are attended to. 

A WATER BOTTLE. 

A water bottle is better adapted for drinking water, 
as it is less exposed to the air of the sleeping room 
than a pitcher. The water and a tumbler should be 
sent into the room fresh, just before retiring. 

It is to be hoped that the hostess will not forget to 
prepare her windows with screens, and the bed with 
a netting, to keep out those pests of city and country 
— mosquitoes. 

The etiquette which pertains to every department 
of social life is to be observed here. The guest must 
be made welcome to the comforts provided. The 
articles specified are all necessary to promote that 
comfort, and although many expensive ones can be 
added, still those, we have described can be made by 



THE GUEST CHAMBER. 



235 



home ingenuity and a moderate outlay in money, ana 
should have a place in every sleeping room, increas- 
ing the pleasure of the family as well as that of the 
guest. 

Beautify to your hearts' content, but not at the 
expense o ( other's comfort, and never sacrifice taste 
to display. 

Have the best you can afford — but let the home 
circle share it each day. Your guest will thus never 
take you at a disadvantage, but will find you ever 
ready to dispense your hospitality in a simple, un- 
affected manner. 




-J) 




CHAPTER XIX. 



LETTER WRITING. 




THE man or woman who can talk well, can write 
a letter equally well. The thoughts that enable 
one to shine in conversation can be transferred to 
paper and win for the writer the same amount of ad- 
miration. There is only this difference — that words, 
as they fall from the lips, have an airy grace of their 
own, aided by the tone of voice, and play of feature, 
which written down in set phrases, is lacking. Any 
person can write a social, friendly letter. Indeed, 
the chief charm of these epistles is, that they con- 
sist of airy nothings, which are not brought under any 
set rules. But letters to strangers and letters of busi- 
ness must partake of a more formal character; as also 
letters of regret and those written to congratulate a 
friend. For these there are certain forms which re- 
quire to be observed. 

INK TO USE. 

Never use fancy colored inks. Though once very 
fashionable, they are no longer deemed elegant. A 

236 



1 



(O) 




LETTER IVRITING. 



237 



clear black ink is the accepted standard. Purchase 
• an ink that flows freely, without sinking into the paper, 
and will not gum the pen. A rusty brown black is 
very offensive to the eye. 

PAPER AND ENVELOPES. 

The style and size and shape of paper changes con- 
tinually. These matters are always within the prov- 
ince of the stationers who supply them, and who 
always keep the "latest." But the quality never varies. 
Always a fine, firm white paper is in demand. If 
you have a preference for tints, they should be of the 
most delicate cream, or gray, so faint as scarcely to 
be observable. Learn to write on unruled paper. It 
is very easy to do so. Ruled paper is only suitable 
for business. If you find it too difficult to write with- 
out lines, a sheet of heavily ruled paper placed under- 
neath will serve you as a guide. A paper with 
your monogram is allowable, and in England, 
where they do many things sensibly, it is the custom 
to have one's address printed at the head of the sheet. 

This stands in lieu of writing it in the body of the 
letter, an omission which many are guilty of. Envel- 
opes are square, and should exactly fit the paper, so 
that it need not be doubled but once. Ladies may 
use delicately perfumed paper, but gentlemen should 
not. Black-edged paper is in vogue with those who 



238 



LETTER IVRITING. 



are in mourning. Some people do not use it, how- 
ever. In writing a letter of condolence to one who 
is in mourning, you should not adopt a mourning 
paper. Make use of the stationery you have. It 
is rude to write to a friend or stranger on a half-sheet 
of paper, or on a torn sheet. In business houses, the 
half-sheet is always used, but it is printed for that 
special purpose. Crossing your pages is positively an 
insult. Some ladies write across the proper way, then 
turn and recross, until it would need the patience of 
the famous Job, to decipher them. The writer remem- 
bers, when a girl, of receiving such a letter from a very 
dear cousin. It was crossed and criss-crossed in 
every conceivable direction, and in so fine a hand 
that it rivaled the intricacies of a spider's web. It is 
needless to say, that to this day the contents of that 
letter are unknown to the recipient. It awoke the 
same feelings as expressed by a hero of a novel, who 
says — in speaking of a similar infliction — "Give me 
any other torture than this, to read a woman's plaid 
letter." Paper that is thin or full of specks, is untidy 
and cheap looking. So are blots, erasures and inter- 
lining. Long letters are only welcome to friends who 
take deep interest in us, and even there "Brevity is 
the soul of wit," for few have the rare gift of writing 
lengthy epistles that will not weary. 




LETTER WRITING. 
OSE OF FIGURES AND ABBREVIATIONS. 

Business people, to save time, date their letters — 
"2-4-'9i — " meaning fourth day, second month of 
1 89 1. It is impolite in friendly correspondence. 
Addresses should be in figures, as "No. 21, Carpenter 
St.;" the day of the month also, as "Sept. 3." Nu- 
merals are not proper in letters. Were you to speak 
of the century, it would be "the nineteenth century." 
The age should be spelled out, as "He is sixty to-day." 
The titles of persons preceding their name, should be 
abbreviated — "Hon. Reverdy Johnson," "Rev. Dr. 
Bacon." States are abbreviated when the town pre- 
cedes them, as "Boston, Mass.;" "Viz." for videlicit, 
meaning "namely," or "to wit;" "2. e." for id ^/(itis;) 
"e. for exempli gratia ("for example;") "ult" 

for ultimo — last month; "prox." for proximo — next 
month; "inst. " for instant — the present month; 
"etc. " for et cater a, "and the rest," or "and so on;" 
"v." or "vs." for versus; "vol." — volume; "chap." 
—chapter; "A. M.," "M.," and "P. M." for forenoon, 
noon, and afternoon. Figures are used in denoting 
sums of money, or large quantities — as "$200,000;" 
"175,000 barrels;" per cent., "30 per cent. ;" degrees 
of latitude longitude or temperature, unless the 
degree sign is used, are spelled out; also fractions, in 
correspondence as "three-fourths," "seven-eighths." 



16 




240 



LETTER WRITING. 



STYLE OF WRITING. 



Directions cannot be given for the matter of which 
a letter should consist. That depends wholly upon 
the writer. The form of commencing a letter, "Dear 
Friend, I take my pen in hand to let you know I am 
well," has long ago become stereotyped and tiresome. 
It also argues egotism on the part of the writer. Would 
you have your correspondent imagine that your sole 
motive for writing is to inform her of the state of your 
health? And then an unnecessary piece of informa- 
tion is to state that you take your pen in hand. Of 
course she will suppose that you have done so, by 
the result. Be original in that, as in all things else. 
Write as you would talk were your correspondent 
present. Try and think over what you design writing 
and say it in the most natural way you can. 
This is the highest art — to do everything in so artistic 
and finished a manner, that it will have the appear- 
ance of being a second nature. 



It is estimated that four million letters find their 
way to the dead letter office annually, because they 
are improperly addressed. This is a matter for 
serious consideration. It is best to give the county 
as well as the town, save for large cities that are so 



IMPROPERLY ADDRESSED. 



LETTER WRITING. 



241 



\3r 

A, 



well known. There are so many names common to 
towns that unless this precaution is taken, the letter 
is often missent. We present some forms of address: 

Mr. Henry C. Martin, 

27 Lafayette St., 

Salem, Mass. 

Mrs. Lydia A. Farnum, 

44 Easton Ave. , 
Union Co. Marysville, O. 

Address the Governor of a State, thus: 

His Excellency, 

Gov. Joseph Fifer, 

Springfield, 111. 

To the President, when a personal letter is sent: 

To the President, 

Executive Mansion, 

Washington, D. C. 

A gentleman who bears an honorary title can be 
addressed thus: 

Rev. A. C. Hill D. D., LL.D., 

Chancellor of University, 

Troy, N. Y. 

A letter to any member of the President's cabinet 
will reach him thus: 




21Z 



LETTER IVRITING. 



Hon. T. W. Talbot, 
Secretary of the Navy, (Army, Treas- 
ury, etc.) Washington, D. C. 

A letter of introduction is always left unsealed and 
the envelope is addressed thus: 

Col. Robert O. Ellis, 

Zenia, O. 

Introducing Mr. Fred Osmun. 

Business letters are universally printed now with a 
line or two like the following, on the upper left-hand 
corner: 

If not called tor in io days, 
return to Adams & Co., STAMP. 
48 La Salle St.. Chicago. 

Mr. William Hilton, 

Mishawaka, 

Ind. 

A note intrusted to the care of another to be deliv- 
ered personally, is addressed thus: 
Miss Mabel Evans, 

City. 

Kindness of Mr. Warren Hastings. 

FRENCH PHRASES. 

There are some phrases from the French which are 




LETTER WRITING. 

often met in notes and invitations, 
most commonly used: 

French Phrase. Abbreviation. 



243 



We add those 



Rebondez s'il vous plait. 
Pour prendre conge. 
Pour dire adieu. 
En ville. 

Costume de rigueur, 
Pete champetre. 

Soiree dansante. 
Bal masque. 
Sairee musicale. 



Meaning. 
R. S. V. P. Reply if you please. 
P. P. C. To take leave. 

P. D. A. To say farewell. 

£. V. In the town or city. 

Costumes to be full dress- 
A country (or rural) enter- 
tainment. 
A dancing party. 
A masquerade ball. 
A musical entertainment 



ADDING POSTSCRIPTS. — UNDERSCORING. 

It is charged against ladies that they will add post- 
scripts. This is not alone a fault of the fair sex. We 
have seen a long, rambling letter written by one of 
the sterner sex which contained the pith of the whole 
matter in the postscript. It is in bad taste in either 
sex. Underscoring is still more to be deprecated. It 
is well called "the refuge of the feebly forcible." 
Where it is indulged in too lavishly it weakens the 
point of what the writer aims to say, and means noth- 
ing. The occasional use of an italic word sometimes 
conveys an idea a little more directly, but the habit 
of underscoring is best never practiced. 

A FEW HINTS. 

Do not attempt a letter unless you have something 
to say. 



244 



LETTER WRITING. 



Never write an anonymous letter. It is cowardly. 
The recipient of such a letter should quietly burn 
it. The man or woman who dares not sign his or her 
name is unworthy of notice. 

Do not write a letter while in anger. You will 
surely say too much, which you will regret. Writ- 
ten words stand as living witnesses against you and 
cannot be recalled. 

Address your superiors with respect. Do not write 
flippantly to any one. Even with friends you should 
maintain a certain reserve. 

Do not commit a secret to paper. You can never 
tell what use may be made of it, or into whose hands 
it may fall. 

In writing to another, making an inquiry, or- on 
uny business of your own, inclose a stamp for reply. 
See that any letter you write is fully prepaid. It is 
humiliating to one's pride to learn that another was 
compelled to make up his deficiency. 

HEADING FOR LETTERS. 

Commence a business letter near the top; a social 
letter should be begun about one-third the way down. 
Here are several forms: 

Chicago, 111., Dec. 22, 1890. 

Or the county may be added; 



LETTER WRITING. 



245 



Chicago, Cook Co., 111., Dec. 22, 1890. 

Full address is added sometimes: 

384 W. Congress St., 

Chicago, 111. , 
Dec. 22, 1890. 

When writing from a college, or a hotel, those 
places may be affixed also. A more ceremonious 
mode is to place the date at the close of the letter: 

Yours sincerely, 

Hattie White. 

Chicago, Aug. 24, 1890. 

The name of the person to whom the letter is ad- 
dressed is placed on the next line below the heading, 
and if to a stranger or a business man this is the fash- 
ion: 

Mr. Horatio Winters, 
25 Genesee St., 
Batavia, N. Y. 

Dear Sir: — Having received, etc. 

letters to friends and others. 

If letters to familiar friends, the salutation begins 
the letter, and their full name and address are written 
at the lower left-hand corner of the last page. Many 
titles are sanctioned by usage. A minister is ad- 



246 



LETTER. WRITING. 



dressed as Rev. Jerome Wellington, without any ad- 
ditional title. He may be saluted as Reverend Sir, 
or Dear Sir. A doctor of medicine is C. B. Wallace, 
M. D., or Dr. C. B. Wallace. A lawyer is the only 
person entitled to the "Esq.," although many fool- 
ishly imagine that they are adding dignity to a plain 
citizen by addressing him as "Esq." Nothing is more 
absurd or uncalled for. 

SALUTATIONS USED. 

Business men can be addressed as "Gentlemen," or 
"Sirs;" others are "Dear Sir," or "Sir," or "Hen. John 
Brown — Dear Sir." Any of these are sanctioned by 
usage. To a married lady one should address himself 
as "My Dear Madam," or omit the "My." "My Dear 
Mrs. Hatch." Friends who have known each other 
for years will naturally adopt more familiar salutations, 
which are decided by themselves on the strength of 
their acquaintance and good sense. So, also, mem- 
bers of a family, schoolmates, college chums and lov- 
ers are not expected to be bound by any particular for- 
mulas, but should avoid any silly and effusive terms of 
endearment. 

An unmarried lady may be addressed as "My Dear 
Miss Felton," or among friends, as "Dear Marian." 
It is a pity that our language does not afford us a 
designation for an unmarried lady similar to the 
French word "Mademoiselle." 




LETTER WRITING. 



247 



SIGNATURES. 

To prevent confusion a lady should sign herself by 
her title, as Mrs. Jennie Smith," or" Miss Flora Har- 
low," when writing to strangers or answering business 
correspondence. Never sign initials alone, as "F. 
Smith." That would lead most peonle to believe that 
the writer was a gentleman. 

RECEIPTS. 

Many ladies do not know exactly how a receipt 
should be made out. We give two as the correci 
forms: 

New Haven, Ct., May i, 1889. 

$25. 

Received from Henry Harvey twenty-five dollars 
to apply on account. 

Green, Stephenson & Co. 
Memphis, Tenn., Oct. 4, 1888. 

$50. 

Received from Charles Bliss fifty dollars in full of 
all demands to date. 

Zeigler, Waters & Co. 

There are printed forms for bank checks, drafts, 
notes, etc. , which render it superfluous to give them 
here. 

replying to letters. 
A reply should promptly follow the receipt of a 



<y 



248 



LETTER WRITING. 



letter; it cannot be civilly delayed for any great length 
of time. It is customary to begin a reply by noticing 
the date of the letter to which an answer is given. 

One of the following forms is generally adopted: 

"I hasten to answer the letter which you did me 
the honor of writing on the— — ." 

"I have received the letter with which you favored 
me on the ." 

"I have not been able, until this moment, to an- 
swer the letter which you did me the honor of writing 

on the ." 

"I will not burden my letter with useless apologies, 
but confess frankly that I have been a little dilatory, 
and hope that you will pardon me." 

CLOSING A LETTER. 

This is a matter which also depends upon the near- 
ness of friendship or familiarity. Either of these 
forms are made use of — "Yours sincerely," "Ever 
yours," "Truly yours," "Yours respectfully," "Cor- 
dially yours," "Very respectfully," "I have the honor 
to be 

"Your obedient servant, 

"David Mack." 
The proper form will naturally suggest itself. 

USE OF THE THIRD PERSON. 

Many people confuse the first and third persons. 





LETTER WRITING. 



249 




The custom of using the third person is confined to 
notes of invitation, and those who cling to old cus- 
toms. But if the third person is made use of, adhere 
to it. Don't write "Miss Clara Lake regrets that 
she cannot accept Mrs. Hunt's kind invitation, /am 
away from the city." Or, "Mrs. Collins will call at 
Mr. Peck's store on Saturday to look at some rings. 

"Very truly yours, 

"Harriet Collins." 

Such a note requires no signature at all. These 
are errors that the best informed people are apt to 
make, but must be guarded against. 

POSTAL CARDS. 

It is almost considered an insult by some people to 
receive a postal card. They are very useful for busi- 
ness purposes, or for sending orders by mail, but for 
social correspondence are improper. It is not good 
manners to send personal notes that are open to in- 
spection. 

SEALING WAX AND WAFERS. 

The use of sealing wax is again coming into favor. 
"Fastidious people prefer wax, but it is much bet- 
ter to use the regular gummed envelope than to make 
a great slovenly seal on an envelope. Every lady 
should learn how to seal a letter neatly. A good im- 
pression may be obtained by covering the face of the 



C3) 




250 



LETTER IVRITING. 



seal with linseed oil, dusting it with rouge, and then 
pressing it firmly and rapidly on the soft wax. Either 
red or black wax is proper, but wafers should never 
be used." 

A NEAT LETTER. 

No matter whom you are writing to, no degree of in- 
timacy excuses a slovenly, blotted letter, which is half 
full of erasures. Attention to neatness and legibility 
is of the greatest importance. Write a plain hand, 
free from flourishes. An ornamental hand will do for 
a copy-book or a writing-master, but few of your cor- 
respondents will care for gymnastics in your handwrit- 
ing. Errors in grammar and spelling expose the 
writer to sharp criticism. 

Married women are addressed by the names of their 
husbands. The use of the first or baptismal name 
signifies that the lady is single or else a widow. No 
letter should be sealed up until it has been read over, 
and any error or doubtful statement corrected. 

ABBREVIATING WORDS. 

Abbreviations of titles, states, offices, etc., are cor- 
rect; but to abbreviate common, everyday words, as 
some do, such as "dr." for "dear," ans. " for "an- 
swer," "&" for "and," is in bad taste. They call it 
"phonetic" — it should rather be dubbed foolish. Fig- 
ures are out of their place when used in a sentence to 



LETTER WRITING. 

shorten it, as "He visited 4 houses,'' for "four houses." 

WRITING TO STRANGERS. 

Young girls often thoughtlessly begin a correspond- 
ence with strangers. A romantic girl whose training 
has been neglected may begin this dangerous amuse- 
ment. But it had best be discontinued at once. The 
young man who writes thus to a young girl is usually 
lacking in lady friends, and a young lady must be 
wanting in self-respect to permit such a breach of 
propriety. He is sure to show her letters, and boast 
of his conquest, and perhaps even attack her good 
name. 

In a book devoted to the best usages prevalent in 
society we cannot give a "model letter- writer, " and 
therefore we must content ourselves with the hints we 
have given. But a few words on what is required in the 
composition of a letter are not amiss: "Purity, pro- 
priety and precision, chiefly in regard to words and 
phrases; and perspicuity, unity and strength in regard 
to sentences. He who writes with purity avoids all 
phraseology that is foreign, uncouth, or ill-derived; 
he who writes with propriety selects the most appro- 
priate, the very best expressions, and generally dis- 
plays sound judgment and good taste; he who writes 
with precision is careful to state exactly what he 
means, all that he means, all that is necessary, and 
nothing more." 





CHAPTER XX. 



TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 

ONE of the first duties a young girl owes to her- 
self is to make herself attractive personally. No 
living human being can afford to sneer at personal 
appearance, nor neglect to care for such gifts as 
nature has bestowed. 

It is taught and drilled into boys from their earliest 
years that they must be strong, manly and self-reliant. 
Why should not girls be taught with equal consistency 
that they owe it to themselves to enhance the charms 
they may possess, and render themselves more engag- 
ing by being fittingly attired? 

It is not necessary that the item of expense should 
enter into the matter at all. The best-dressed women 
are many times those who are very economical in 
their outlay of money, but who devote time, thought 
and genius to the production of a toilet which shall be 
becoming and adapted to their position in life. 

DRESS AND MANNERS. 

To be well-dressed gives one an ease of manner that 

252 



TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



253 



is pleasant to see. It is the experience of everyone 
that the consciousness of being well-dressed gives a 
self-possession that they can never have, if they feel 
that they are shabby-looking or that their clothes are 
unbecoming. They forget self in the first instance; 
in the second they cannot banish self. 

It is an obligation owed society to be attractive 
outwardly as well as mentally; to be careful not to 
offend correct taste by the exhibition of glaring col- 
ors and inharmonious contrasts. 

BEAUTY A COMMON GIFT. 

Beauty is a gift, and everyone can lay claim to 
some share of this inheritance, whether it lie in a 
symmetrical form, beautiful eyes, a sweet voice, or 
a fine contour. When these charms are increased 
by careful attention to the details of dress, and a due 
regard for good taste, coupled with an agreeable man- 
ner, men cry out — "How beautiful!" 

BE CONSIDERATE. 

No one should tell a young girl that she is plain and 
forbidding. In oversensitive natures it implants a 
shrinking timidity that results in utter indifference to 
self, and soon neglectful habits creep in. They slight 
their teeth, or their complexion. They allow their 
hands to grow coarse and rough, and many other 



254 



TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



equally untidy habits follow. Boys as wel3 as girls 
who are plain should study the little graces of dress 
and manner even more closely than their more beau- 
tiful neighbors. The social circle who are outwardly 
plain, but whose cultivation and taste have given them 
a beauty of their own, which is far superior to mere 
physical loveliness alone. 

A QUESTION ABOUT DRESS. 

The questions a lady should ask herself are — "Is 
my dress suitable to the occasion?" and — "Is it becom- 
ing?" Americans have the reputation of being among 
the best-dressed people on earth; that is, they wear 
the richest materials. But there is often a sad incon- 
gruity between their apparel and their position in life. 
By this we do not mean that they should wear a dress 
which would serve as a badge of their social status, 
but they should adapt their dress to their circum- 
stances and occupation. The young lady in business 
should not wear a dress to and from her office suitable 
only for a drawing-room, nor should a gentleman don 
a dress-coat, and elegant necktie while he carried his 
lunch box in one hand, and held on to the strap in a 
street-car with the other. Ladies when shopping, 
assume their most expensive garments, and the girl of 
all-work leaves the house by the back door, dressed 
in such close imitation of her mistress that it puzzles 






TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



255 



a stranger to place her. These errors of judgment on 
the part of both are easily remedied. Dress according 
to the occasion. No matter how rich the material, 
or how elegantly it is fashioned, if it is not proper for 
the time and season, no lady is well dressed. 

DRESSMAKERS NOT INFALLIBLE. 

Too many ladies accept the dictum of a dressmaker 
or milliner, and are persuaded into adopting styles of 
dress that are very unsuitable to them, merely because 
they are "fashionable." It is the province of a dress- 
maker to bring to her customer's notice the newest 
fashion, and not to inquire whether they are likely to 
make her look like a fright or not. Ladies should think 
for themselves, and study their individual features and 
forms; they will then make fashion their subject, and 
not their tyrant. 

LOVE OF DRESS. 

We do not intend to say that women should make 
love of dress a ruling passion. It is apt then to be- 
come a fatal love, bringing misery and woe in its train. 
But they should study dress as a means, and not as 
an end, that they may become artistic and inventive. 
Mrs. S. who is slight, fair, with dark eyes and hair, 
wears a crimson dress, which brightens her clear skin; 
Mrs. J. who is short, fat, freckled, with red hair, ad- 

17 



256 



TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



miring her friend's dress, at once procures its counter- 
part, and the effect can be imagined. 

OVERDRESSING. 

Avoid overdressing. A lad}' should not serve as a 
lay figure, on which her whole wardrobe is displayed. 
It has a bad moral effect, and is the mark of a vul- 
gar mind. It exposes young girls to unfair criticisms, 
and makes older women appear ridiculous. Over- 
dressing is particularly an error into which school-girls 
are liable to fall. A writer on this point, who assumes 
that boys' schools are vastly superior to girls, not 
only in the manner of teaching, but in the comfort 
and care of the students, refers to the cost, thus: 
"It takes from one to two thousand dollars a year to 
support a girl at these schools, including the expense 
of dresses." The concluding lines are so apropos, and 
so fully state the case, that we give them without 
comment: "There are a great many young ladies in 
American boarding-schools whose dress costs a thou- 
sand dollars a year, or even more than that sum. The 
effect of this overdressing on the spirit and manners 
of those who indulge in it, as well as those who 
are compelled to economical toilets, is readily ap- 
prehended by women, if not by men. Human 
nature in a girl is, perhaps, as human as it is any- 
where, and so there comes to be a certain degree of 





TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



257 



emulation or competition in dress among school-girls 
and altogether too much envy and heart-burning." 

The parents enter into this feeling, and strain 
every nerve that their girls may appear as well-dressed 
as their companions. What is the result? The girl 
leaves school, her mind not half-fitted for the practi- 
cal life-work before her, with a love of dress para- 
mount to other and more important interests. 

JUDGED BY STRANGERS. 

While expensive dressing or that be3'ond our means 
must not be our aim, still a certain regard for looks 
is a duty we owe ourselves. It is certain that we 
are judged by strangers, on the strength of our per- 
sonal appearance. It is related of some great painter 
that, calling on a man who stood high in Napoleon's 
council, and being shabbily dressed, he met with a cold 
reception. But his host, after conversing with him 
awhile, discovered talent and sense, and on the young 
artist's departure accompanied him to the antecham- 
ber. The change in manner awoke a surprise which 
must have written itself upon the artist's face, for the 
great man did not wait for an inquiry, but said — "My 
young friend, we receive an unknown person accord- 
ing to his dress; we take leave of him according to his 
merit." 






2C8 



TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



A GENTLEMAN S DRESS. 



A gentleman should give the same scrupulous atten- 
tion to neat dressing that a lady does. He need net 
be a dandy, but he cannot afford to neglect his per- 
sonal appearance. His clothes should fit him per- 
fectly, his hat and shoes must be faultless. His hair 
does not call for the attention which a lady's requires, 
because it is short, and always cut in one fashion, but it 
should be regularly brushed and cared for. His beard 
should be kept trimmed and well-combed, and his 
finger nails should be scrupulously clean. His linen 
should be changed as soon as soiled, and his ties 
should be neat and tasteful, not loud and flashy. A 
man of sense can always please, but he is just as 
dependent on outward appearance for first impres- 
sions, as any lady. 

DRESS ACCORDING TO AGE. 

It is no doubt, a hard matter to grow old grace- 
fully. But both sexes should learn to modify their 
dress with approaching age. The tints of complexion 
and outlines of form change, and the dress should 
change also. A man who has worn a beard all his life, 
and who, when he is fifty suddenly shaves it off, and 
dons a jockey cap or a "crush" hat, looks quite as silly 
in his affectation of youthfulness, as does the woman 
of the same age, who assumes a girlish hat or a brill- 





TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



259 



iant-hued dress. There is a certain beauty belong- 
ing to each year of life, and the woman who dresses in 
consonance with her age, her figure and her face, no 
matter whether she be young or middle-aged, will 
never excite the smile of derision. 

CONSISTENCY IN MATERIALS. 

It is a great mistake to put cheap trimming on a 
handsome dress, or expensive ornaments on a cheap 
and flimsy material. A fine bonnet is entirely out 
of place with a shabby dress. Here as elsewhere, 
everything should be in accord. And do not when 
you go to market, or shopping, wear a dress rich 
enough for the opera, under the impression that only 
rich dress will stamp your social status, and prove to 
the world that you belong to "the upper ten." Neither 
is the house of God the place for such fine dressing. 
Showy dresses are not proper save at receptions, 
theater, opera, or like places. 

children's fashions. 

If Kate Greenaway accomplished nothing else, by 
her introduction of the charming little costumes for 
children, she has put the mothers on the sensible road, 
and we see no longer the frail little morsels, with dress- 
es to their knees, limbs shivering, exposed to the cold 
ip. a manner that would bring tears to the eyes, were 








260 



TASs £ AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



those little ones the offspring of the poor, and neces- 
sity compelled it. "Warm dressing in childhood lays 
the foundation for a healthy maturity. We hear no 
more of "hardening children." Sensible, warm gar- 
ments for winter, the universal use of woolen under- 
wear, and the adoption of those pretty, long "grand- 
ma" dresses and cloaks, has effected a wonderful revo- 
lution in favor of better health for the future. 

DRESS NEATLY AT HOME, 

If a lady would retain her influence with her hus- 
band, she will never appear untidily dressed. No 
man is pleased with careless, or slovenly dress. And 
no woman can respect an untidy husband. Both 
should dress for each other's eyes, and not neglect 
those little efforts to beautify themselves, that pleased 
so much when they were single. The most sensible and 
hard-headed of men take pride in their wives' and 
daughters' appearance. And it is with a feeling of 
certainty that he invites a friend to accompany him 
home at any time, knowing that he will not be mor- 
tified by finding his wife not presentable. 

a lady's evening dress. 

As an "evening" dress is designed for all manner of 
festivities, it should be of as rich material and as 
elegantly made, as can be afforded. The colors 



XL 



TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



201 



should be harmonious; the dress should not be so 
low in the neck as to excite remark. Jewelry is 
worn; diamonds or pearls are especially adapted to 
evening wear. The dress should be cut in the latest 
fashion, but as that changes with every moon, it is 
impossible to give directions on this point. 

DRESS FOR YOUNG GIRLS. 

Young girls do not look Well in plush or velvet. 
Dresses of these goods are too heavy and luxurious 
for their fresh young faces, which should be set off 
with graceful, clinging fabrics. Many girls select 
materials that ..r; too old for them. Older charms 
can wear garments of heavy texture. We have 
spoken of the useless display which school-girls make, 
and which is prejudicial to that freedom of thought 
and action which is the chief charm of girlhood. 
Simple fabrics, of small figures, prettily trimmed, and 
fitting the lithe young forms neatly, but never tightly, 
are best for the young. 

BALL DRESS. 

Here the taste for elegant dressing can be gratified 
to the utmost, as it is expected. Those who dance 
much, however, should wear something of light mate- 
rials. There is no limit to colors. The more varied, 
the more brilliant is the scene under the glow of the 



262 TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 

gas-light. Jewelry is worn, but young people should 
wear natural flowers. Elderly ladies do not wear low- 
necked dresses, and those who do, throw a lace scarf 
or shawl over the shoulders. Steele once said that 
"Diamonds may tempt a man to steal a woman, but 
never to love her." This may be some consolation 
to those ladies who do not own them. 

OPERA DRESS. 

The dress may be very elegant for operas, consist- 
ing of a full evening costume, and the hair should be 
dressed with flowers or ornaments. Bonnets are not 
worn. 

MORNING DRESS. 

The dress should be simple and inexpensive, but 
made nicely, and linen cuffs and collars are worn, or 
ruches. Jewelry is forbidden by good taste. On 
special reception days a lady may dress more expen- 
sively. A lady engaged in household affairs may see 
her callers in her morning dress, but it must always 
be neat. 

WALKING DRESS. 

These dresses should be made for service; never so 
long that they will sweep the walk. Black or brown 
or slate are nice relieved by bright colors in modera- 
tion. The gloves should match in color. Fashion is 
sensible in many respects, and ladies are no longer 



TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 263 



afraid to clothe their feet in strong, serviceable shcea. 

RIDING HABIT. 

"A riding habit should fit neatly without being too 
tight. Too great length of skirt is dangerous; it is 
best when full enough to cover the feet. If too long 
its entanglement may throw the rider, and at best it 
will be bespattered with mud or covered with dust. 
Water-proof material is the best, though for summer 
something lighter may be substituted, in which case 
a row or two of shot should be stitched into the bot- 
tom of the breadths. The waist should be buttoned 
to the throat and the sleeves, close-fitting, should 
extend to the wrists, with linen cuffs under them. If 
not too warm the riding skirt may be buttoned over 
an ordinary skirt, so that when dismounted the former 
may be removed and a complete walking suit remain. 
The hat varies in shape and style with the season, 
but the neat jockey caps now worn are both sensible, 
convenient and secure. Whatever the style, the 
trimming should be plain and simple, and so arranged 
that it cannot blow into the rider's eyes or incon- 
venience her by coming off." 

DRIVING DRESS. 

In a close carriage a lady may suit herself as to her 
dress. Delicate or bright colors will not withstand 



f 5 







264 TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 

the sun and dust of an open carriage, and preserve 
their freshness. Navy-blue flannels, brown cash- 
meres or dark silks are best for these occasions. 

GARDEN PARTY DRESS. 

The dress should be of mere walking length, that 
is, to clear the ground. Light wool, grenadine, or 
lawn are pretty; the color should be pretty, and the 
fit graceful. The hostess receives on the lawn, and 
wears her hat or bonnet. 

TRAVELING DRESS. 

Comfort and protection from dust are the require- 
ments of a traveling dress. Soft, neutral tints may 
be chosen, and a smooth-surfaced material which 
does not retain the dust. The dress should be made 
plain, and quite short. Collars and cuffs are worn. 
A gossamer and warm woolen shawl must be carried, 
as also a sachel containing a change of collars, cuffs, 
gloves, handkerchiefs, toilet articles and towels. A 
traveling dress should be well supplied with pockets. 

LAWN-TENNIS SUIT. 

The pretty stripes, soft flannels, and delicately 
shaded plaids are worn for lawn-tennis, croquet and 
archery suits. A very handsome suit can be made 
up at very little cost. The skirt should be short, and 



S\ I? tO 



Vfu;-. 



V 

m 




TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



26.3 



the boots or shoes worn very handsome, but service- 
able, as these games are admirably adapted for show- 
ing off a pretty foot. The waist is generally made 
blouse shape, as it gives greater freedom of motion. 

A FEW HINTS. 

Black silk is in place on every occasion. A lady 
should always count a black cashmere among her 
possessions. They are always useful and appropriate. 
White can only be worn by young, slender, and pretty 
women. Little women should affect small figures, 
delicate spotted linen, etc. Large ones cannot wear 
coquettish little bonnets and doll-like hats. Stripes 
give height to a person, and plaids apparently reduce 
the size. A short, squatty woman looks clumsy in a 
shawl. Tall figures are able to wear them. 

Another matter that requires judgment is the color 
chosen. Any color that makes the complexion pale 
and sickly will mar beauty. A thin woman looks still 
more pinched in black. A full figure should have the 
waist of the dress trimmed in vest or bretelle style. 
Dark colors are becoming to large people. 

A tiny woman should not wear a very large hat. A 
large woman looks well in one. It is very difficult 
to tell what colors will harmonize. We give a full 
list of those which do, and hope it will be of some 
assistance to ladies in making up a costume: 





V 





TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS. 



Blue and salmon color. 
Blue and drab. 
Blue and orange. 
Blue and white. 
B'-v-. and straw color. 
Blue and maize. 
Blue and chestnut. 
Blue and brown. 
Blue and black. 
Blue and gold. 
Blue, scarlet and purple 
Blue, orange and black. 
Blue, orange, and green. 
Blue, brown, crimson an. 1 gold. 
Blue, orange, black and d 'hite. 
Black and white. 
Black and orange. 
Black and maize. 
Black and scarlet. 
Black and lilac. 
Black and pink. 
Black and slate color. 
Black and drab. 
Black and buff. 
Black, yellow and crimson. 
Black, orange, blue and scarlet. 
Crimson and drab. 
Crimson and gold. 
Crimson and orange. 
Crimson and maize. 
Crimson and purple. 
Green and scarlet. 
Green, scarlet and blue. 



Green, crimson, blue and gold. 

Green and gold. 

Green and yellow. 

Green and orange. 

Lilac and crimson. 

Lilac, scarlet, black and white. 

Lilac, gold and crimson. 

Lilac, yellow, scarlet and white. 

Lilac and gold. 

Lilac and maize. 

Lilac and cherry. 

Lilac and scarlet. 

Purple, scarlet and gold. 

Purple, scarlet and white. 

Purple, scarlet, blue and orange. 

Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow and 

block. 
Purple and gold. 
Purple and orange, 
Purple and maize. 
Purple and blue. 
Red and gold. 
Red and white. 
Red and gray. 
Red, orange and green. 
Red, yellow and black. 
Red, gold, black and white. 
Scarlet and slate color. 
Scarlet, black and white. 
Scarlet, blue and white. 
Scarlet, blue and yellow. 
Scarlet, blue, black and yellow. 
White and scarlet. 




TASTE AND HARMONY IN DRESS 



White and crimson. 
White and cherry. 
White and pink. 
White and brown. 
Yellow and chestnut. 
Yellow and brown. 



Yellow and red. 
Yellow and crimson. 
Yellow and black. 
Yellow, purple and crimson. 
Yellow, purple, scarlet ana 
Yellow and purple. 
Yellow and violet. 







CHAPTER XXI. 

THE BOYS AND GIRLS AT HOME. 

THE boys and girls are the pride of the happy 
homes, as well as the hope of our nation. The 
young people of America are the favored of the world. 
Here every youth is invited to as proud a place as he 
can attain to by force of mental- powers. There is 
no limit to his opportunities. The humblest, by 
energy and application, may become the greatest; 
poverty may lose itself in the golden luster of wealth; 
obscurity may blossom into fame; the newsboy may 
become a hero; the tailor's apprentice a President. 

Intellect, principle and character are the founda- 
tion stones of greatness. Nature bestows the first of 
these, but the last two are molded by yourselves; 
and without them, intellect, although it dazzles like 
the sun at noonday, will not achieve lasting success 
or renown. 

From the beginning of life to the present hour the 
long pathway is strewn with the wrecks of men and 
women who,- but for want of principles, might have 
enshrined their memories in the hearts of their fellow- 

268 





THE BOYS AND GIRLS AT HOME. 



269 



creatures. Our land is full of the dark disfiguring 
shadows cast by the records of brilliant men whose 
unprincipled lives have saddened all who watched 
then" careers. They start out from the list of the 
pure and true like black clouds and are mute but elo- 
quent warnings to the young against neglecting the 
formation of character. 

Every boy and girl must be taught that it is char- 
acter that determines their usefulness. It is a rock 
on which to build, feeling sure that the fabric can 
never be shaken. When»temptation comes, it finds 
all vulnerable, just in proportion to the strength of 
character possessed. 

Character does not mean reputation. Many have 
fair reputations, and yet are destitute of character — ■ 
that firm and abiding principle which gives them 
power and strength to judge between right and wrong, 
and to act according to its decisions. 

So many court the "bubble, reputation," with no 
care to build up a character, so that they stand well 
in the eyes of the world, that it is no wonder that 
their downfall is often speedy and sudden. 

Boys and girls are too apt to forget how much they 
are indebted to their parents for all that helps to 
brighten their lives. They take the good things that 
fall to their share, as if they were their unquestioned 
right, and never ask how much of toil and sorrow are 




270 



THE BOYS AND GIRLS AT HOME. 



involved on the part of the parents. To a certain 
degree it is their duty to provide many things — a com- 
fortable home, an education, and moral instruction. 
But most kind parents go far beyond the fulfillment 
of those duties in their anxiety to do all they can for 
the children of their love. 

Such parents subject themselves to hard and con- 
stant labor (or if not actual labor to perpetual anxiety) 
that they may accumulate something for their boys 
and girls. There is scarce a father who when asked 
why he makes life such a continual grind, but will 
answer, "I want to have my children provided for — 
I don't want them to have as hard a time as I have." 

It is a generous motive, but it is unjust to them- 
selves and to the children. Unjust to themselves as 
it deprives them of the chance for rest and mental 
culture. They become mere machines, losing all 
taste for social enjoyments, and unfitting themselves 
for companions to the ones for whom they are striv- 
ing. The injustice to the boys and girls lies in the 
fact that, finding a fortune laid by ready for them, 
they seldom care to acquire those stern habits of 
industry, self-reliance and thrift necessary to pilot 
them through the world. Thus a twofold evil is 
wrought, and the home, business life and the State, 
are equally .losers. 

Boys and girls should be liberally provided with 



THE BOYS AND GIRLS AT HOME. 



271 



those home pleasures which make it a place to love 
to be. And among them ranks music first. We 
never met one who did not appreciate musical sounds, 
from the little babe whose eyes turn so swiftly to the 
uncomprehended sounds, to the feeble old man, whose 
ears are growing dim. 

To some, the word music conveys the idea of an 
expensive instrument, and a fine performer to bring 
out the tones of that instrument. These are agree- 
able to have, but many homes where these cannot be 
obtained, can have the music of blended voices and 
sweet harmony. 

Home is the spot where music is the expression of 
the purest emotions, for it is within every heart. 

The trees, rustling perpetually, breathe music. 
The birds are Nature's songsters. Dreams of a fairer 
world are filled with celestial harmony. And in the 
home sweet songs should have their part in strength- 
ening its ties, and drawing nearer those who dwell 
therein. 

There are many lessons which the young girl must 
take home to herself, ere she is prepared to go into 
society. One of the commonest faults is that freedom 
of manner which passes for friendliness. Earl Duf- 
ferin once, when making an address to the young 
ladies of a school at Quebec, gently reproved them for 
using pet names in public. The subject might have 
18 



272 



THE BOYS AND GIRLS AT HOME. 



been pursued further, for there exists too great free- 
dom of manner between the young people of to-day. 
A young lady should frown down any young man who 
addresses her with that air of coarse familiarity 
which some assume. They mistake freedom of speech 
for frankness; familiarity for ease of manner; and 
adopt the habit of calling their lady friends by their 
Christian names, before strangers, which is undigni- 
fied and ill-bred. 

Primness or prudishness are distasteful, and arouse 
antagonism. But there is a gentle dignity, a serenity 
of manner which implies a warm and gentle nature, 
which does not conflict with friendly mirth and enjoy- 
ment. 

The young girl who unites these genial qualities 
with refinement — who is mirth-loving, dignified and 
affable; who, while she has a large circle of ardent 
friends of either sex, does not expose herself to the 
faintest approach to rudeness, and whose principles 
are fixed, her heart tender and true, and her manners 
gentle, is indeed, in truth and in spirit, a real lady! 

Don't talk slang. There are girls, and just as 
many boys, who think they must have a stock of slang 
phrases at hand to embellish conversation with, or 
else they will be deemed lacking in worldly knowl- 
edge. If that is really your idea, it would not be a 
bad plan to write out all the popular phrases of the 



THE BOYS AND GIRLS AT HOME. 



273 



day, and keep your brothers at hand to lay them in 
between the pauses, as you would make sandwiches. 
It would save the listener the shock of hearing them 
from your lips, although, as we said, slang is not as 
elegant from their lips as plain, straightforward lan- 
guage. 

These phrases have usually been coined by unculti- 
vated persons, or have been random utterances, appli- 
cable to some occurrence entirely foreign to the com- 
mon use of the saying. 

How unsuited to all conceptions of womanly char- 
acter to hear such repulsive words from the sweet and 
delicate lips of a young girl. It is a shock to the 
finer feelings of a young man, no matter if he is a trifle 
given to that style -of speech himself, and his respect 
for womanly delicacy is immeasurably lowered. He 
has been told that girls are modest, retiring, and art- 
less. How does he reconcile this with the answer 
some timid appearing little Miss may give to some 
question — "Not for Joe!" or "I can't see it!" or to 
hear her declare to some other fairy-like creature, 
alluding to some one who has offended her, that she 
"will go for him!" 

Slang imparts a flippant, impertinent air, which is 
never the mark of a true lady, and she cannot pass 
current in society as such. 

Be as witty, cheerful, light-hearted as you can. 



274 



THE BOYS AND GIRLS AT HOME. 



Say all the funny things which come into your mind, 
so they are simply uttered. But wherever you are, 
no matter how strong the temptation, abjure slang 
phrases. 

Boys, be equally careful to discard coarseness and 
profanity. A boy's language should be chosen with 
a view to correct speaking, and clearness. Rough 
phrases are the outgrowth of a rough nature, and will 
stamp those who utter them as low and debased. 
The contact a boy has with rough companions makes 
him careless and thoughtless, but it is his duty to 
guard his tongue, vigilantly. Show respect to your 
elders; avoid rough and boisterous intimates, and 
attach yourselves to your homes. Be as jolly as you 
please. It is healthful to have a merry boy or girl in 
the home, ready to laugh at anything ludicrous, and 
able to create sport for the rest. There are enough 
to reflect the sad side of life, or its irritable side, or 
its sober side. There should be some to awaken the 
mirth that often trembles just below the surface of 
painful experiences. A real, impetuous laugh dissi- 
pates the darkness, and brings genuine daylight. But 
the fun must be sincere — the laugh no dry, half- 
hearted one. It should be spontaneous, irresistible, 
infectious. Such laughs are catching, for it is hard 
not to be joyous when we see others so, who are in 
earnest about it. 



THE BOYS AND GIRLS AT HOME. 



275 



l( the boys and girls prize their homes as they 
should, they will value the priceless opportunities 
afrorded them of becoming useful and renowned. 
May they study the causes of failure of those who have 
pr&C2ded them, and shun them as they love their 
own good names, and hope for an honored future. 

I2e true, honest, faithful and industrious. Live so 
thav the world will need you, and the parents who 
lov& you will be proud of your success. 

Who knows how far to trust a friend, 

How far to hate a foe? 
Just when to speak a kindly Yes, 

And when a sturdy No? 
Who knows — the grim old Grecian sage 

Says gravely, from my shelf, 
The wisest man in all the world 

Is he who knows himself. 




CHAPTER XXII. 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 




HOSPITALITY is enjoined upon us by the teach- 
ings of sacred lore, and by the practice of all 
nations. Oriental hospitality is proverbial. In the 
far-off east the customs which were in vogue in the 
ages gone by, are found still in use, in all their primi- 
tive simplicity. 

Each land, in our more modern ideas, has its own 
peculiar tenets of hospitality. An Englishman makes 
the guest within his domicile feel free to enjoy perfect 
freedom, and he gives him generously from his own 
abundance. The Frenchman, who loves conversa- 
tion better than aught else, amuses his guest with an 
unlimited amount of talk, and regards the mere eating 
and drinking as a very small part of true hospitality. 
And we think he is right. For there must be 
something higher in life than the bare pleasure of 
the table, and if a host can only bestow the latter, 
how empty and unsatisfactory is a sojourn beneath 
his roof! 

In ancient Greece hospitality was a part of their 

276 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



277 



religion. The same sense of protection to a guest 
was felt among the ancient Romans. Coming down 
to our own times, we as a people, err on the side of 
kindness. We strive so hard to please and amuse 
our guests, that we are in danger of wearying them 
by the number and variety of amusements that we 
provide for them. 

STATED TIME FOR VISITS. 

Once the fashion was, when society had more of 
a free, off-hand character, and did not impose so many 
duties upon its votaries, to say to a friend— "Come 
and see me any time, and stay as long as you wish." 
But this is often the cause of much inconvenience. 
A friend who comes in upon you unexpectedly, may 
disarrange your plans by his inopportune appearance. 
Society regulates these matters better now, by add- 
ing to the invitation a stated time for the visit, as 
"Come next Monday, and remain with us a week (or 
month)." 

MEETING A GUEST. 

When you expect a guest send some member of 
the family to the railway station to meet him. Even 
though this may not be a first visit, your duty is the 
same in this respect. When they reach the house, 
give them a cordial welcome. Make them feel that 
the invitation was not an empty compliment. Show 




278 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



them to the room they are to occupy, and have every 
arrangement for their comfort made beforehand. 

LENGTH OF VISIT. 

The length of time consumed in a visit depends 
greatly upon the friendly relations between the par- 
ties, as also the distance the guest has come. A vis- 
itor of a thousand miles would be expected to stay 
much longer than one whose home was only twenty 
miles distant. The guest should at an early moment 
inform the hostess just how long will be the stay, and 
by this means, she will know what plans to form foi 
entertaining. Besides, her own affairs may be seri- 
ously changed, if she is in ignorance as to how long 
a friend intends to remain. No one likes to ask how 
long another is going to stay, for it savors of i&hos- 
pitality, and yet it is imporant to know. 

BOTH INVITED. 

It is well'understood that an invitation to a wife to 
pay a visit includes her husband, and one to a hus- 
band is extended to his wife. 

UNEXPECTED VISITS. 

If a visitor is invited to select his own time for a 
visit, it is only courteous for him to apprise his in- 
tended host beforehand when he will come. It is any- 




ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



279 



thing but pleasant to be surprised by his advent. It 
is quite au fait to "drop in" for dinner once in a while, 
but to come without warning to make a prolonged 
stay, is quite a different thing. Possibly at the very 
time chosen the hostess might have her house full, or 
might be preparing to leave home herself. So the 
plans for enjoyment may be disarranged or wholly laid 
aside by this unexpected coming. 

INSINCERE INVITATIONS. 

No one should invite another to make a visit, unless 
they sincerely wish their company. And it is unkind 
to ask people when you cannot make them comfort- 
able. And it is very foolish to ask those who are 
accustomed to a much more elaborate way of living 
than you can offer them. A fashion of throwing gen- 
eral invitations in a careless way has a very insincere 
look. We once heard a lady say to another — "If 
ever you come my way, call and see me;" as if it 
were an ordinary walk before breakfast — they were 
only rooo miles apart. The emptiness of such an 
invitation strikes one at once. And yet it was given 
with the intention of being friendly. 

OBSERVING EVERYTHING. 

A guest should not see or hear everything happen- 
ing in the house to which he has been made welcome. 



£3 



280 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



If ne should by accident learn any family secrets, he 
will never appear to know them, and under no cir- 
cumstances will he allude to them. This would be 
an unpardonable breach of hospitality. A guest will 
not order the servant to wait upon her, or ask ques- 
tions of either children or help, or find fault with any 
service performed, or make remarks about the be- 
havior of children. 

HELPING THE HOSTESS. 

In a family where a few or perhaps no servants are 
kept, it is very graceful on the part of a lady to offer 
to assist with any light work, and she should keep 
the room assigned to her neat, making her own bed. 
If not permitted to do this, she need not remain in 
her hostess' way, but can take a ramble around the 
place, or a short walk, until the bulk of the morning 
work has been performed, and her hostess has leisure 
to "visit" with her. 

BE PUNCTUAL AT MEALS. 

It is etiquette to be prompt at meals. It is usual 
for a host or hostess to say, "Our meals are usually 
had at such and such an hour," v/hich allows the visitor 
an opportunity to so arrange her own time that she 
will be present at the meals. The aim of the visitor 
should be to make as little trouble as she can; to 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



281 



conform in every respect with the rules of the house- 
hold, such as hours for retiring, rising, and having 
meals. Any little amusement will be agreeable to 
her, such as cards, games, etc. She should acquiesce 
in any plans formed for her amusement, and join in 
them to the extent of her strength. 

KEEPING ONE'S ROOM. 

It is a good plan to retire to one's room for a por- 
tion of each day, thus relieving the hostess of the task 
of entertaining. At the same time it is rude to seclude 
oneself for a long time; it looks unsocial, and as 
if you were indifferent to the efforts made to enter- 
tain you. 

VISITING WITH YOUR HOSTESS. 

When the hostess is invited out, it is expected that 
the visitor should accompany her. But it is not prop- 
er for the guest to make engagements or plan visits 
on her own responsibility. She is the guest of an- 
other, and should regulate her own conduct by the 
customs of the family of which she has become a 
temporary inmate. 

GOING TO CHURCH. 

"It is not now, as formerly, necessary that guests 
should accompany the family party to church, ox vice 
versa. Perfect liberty is allowed in this matter, and 



282 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



each attends his or her customary place of worship. 
A friendly invitation to accompany them is always 
extended by the host and hostess, but with no expec- 
tation that it will be accepted, unless the guest pre- 
fers. It is, however, always a pleasant attention, es- 
pecially to a stranger in town, or to an elderly lady, 
for one of the members of the family to accompany 
her to the church of her preference." 

THE GENTLEMAN GUEST. 

A gentleman can usually entertain himself at least 
a portion of the time, else he will be very much in 
the way. He can drive around the place, if the family 
have a horsr; he can amuse himself by reading, 
looking over the garden; a solitary walk, or many 
other methods of filling in the time, will suggest them- 
selves to him. And then most gentlemen have that 
never-failing solace, a quiet smoke. When his visit 
is ended, he should express himself as gratified at 
the visit, and on reaching home, should inform his 
friends of his safe arrival, once more thanking them 
for their hospitality, and inquiring after each mem- 
ber of the family. 

YOUNG GIRLS' VISITS. 

Young girls have an idea that, because they are 
without any experience, their presence is useless to a 




friend in time of trouble or sickness. This is one of 
the greatest mistakes a girl can make. A woman 
turns instinctively to one of her own sex in the hour of 
sorrow or suffering. Her voice, her presence, a ready 
word of sympathy, are inexpressibly precious to her. 
By thus aiding, they can render themselves very dear 
to a married friend. You will also gain that insight 
into the heart which will add gentleness to your own 
natures, and stand in the place of experience or 
skill. 

Another matter we would direct the young girl's 
attention to: Never from policy or convenience, visit 
or stay at the houses of persons whom you do not es- 
teem. If you do, you give them the right to claim 
you as friends; for you assume the duties of a friend, 
without having the sentiments of one, and thus place 
yourself under obligations which you cannot dis- 
charge. 

YOUR HOST'S FRIENDS. 

Do not display your sentiments with regard to any 
friends of your host whom you may meet. Even if 
they are distasteful to you, conceal your dislike, and 
never criticise them, after their departure. 

If, while visiting, you chance to break an article 
of bric-a-brac or anything else, replace it quietly with- 
out making any allusion to it. 




231 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



URGING GUESTS TO STAY. 

Do not tease a guest to prolong the visit beyond 
the specified time. Ask them kindly to remain, but 
do not persistently urge them. Let them understand 
that they are truly welcome, but do not become im- 
portunate. 

MAKING PRESENTS. 

The guest who feels prompted to make some mem- 
ber of the family a present, should bestow it upon 
the hostess or the youngest child. 

VISITING THE SICK. 

When visiting the sick, do not urge an entrance into 
the sick room. There may be many reasons why it 
is not wise to admit friends. Sick people are proverb- 
ially nervous, and the effect of even pleasant conver- 
sation, may be injurious to them. Call, and wait to 
hear how they are; but do not expect an invitation to 
their bedside, or feel hurt if you do not receive one. 

THE MODEL HOSTESS. 

The model hostess must unite a frank and gener- 
ous nature with a calmness and serenity that are 
almost marvelous. She must be really fond of enter- 
taining; her bounty must flow out with unstinted meas- 
ure. She must be able to smile even though her 
very soul is wearied beyond endurance. She must 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



285 



possess the rare gift of blending in one harmonious 
whole, the varying elements about her. To enter- 
tain must be a perpetual delight, and her good nature 
and friendly wit must gladden all who come in con- 
tact with her. Such a hostess never finds her invita- 
tions slighted, for to visit at her home is to be certain 
of enjoyment. 

MAKE ALL GUESTS EQUAL. 

Make no distinction in your treatment of the guests 
you are entertaining. They should be all equal for 
the time, and should all have an equal claim upon 
your courtesies. Those of the humblest condition 
must receive full as much attention as the rest, in 
order that you may not make them feel their in- 
feriority in point of station. Devote all the time you 
can possibly spare to the entertainment of your 
guests. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

The custom in England is always to invite guests 
for a definite length of time, and when the limit of 
the visit is reached, the carriage is ordered and the 
guests are conveyed to the station or their homes, 
without any thought of asking the guests to remain 
longer. To our less exact ideas this almost savors of 
a summary dismissal of a guest; and yet it is the 
most frank and proper way. A guest always receives 
a most cordial invitation to repeat the visit. 



286 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



OVERSTAYING THE TIME. 

Guests should be very careful not to overstay the 
time set for a visit. When the time comes to leave, 
the hostess may politely remark that she is sorry her 
guest must go. This is the least one could say with 
politeness; but do not allow yourself to remain on the 
strength of what is merely a compliment. 

In this country it would be deemed very impolite to 
take a valet or a maid when going to pay a visit at a 
friend's house. In England or on the Continent a 
lady or gentleman would never think of going with- 
out them. Thus customs differ with different people. 

PAYING A GUEST ATTENTION. 



When a lady expects a guest for a visit, it is right 
that she should inform her circle of friends before 
her coming, that they may have time to call on her 
as soon as she arrives, and pay her such attentions 
as they may be inclined to. It is inhospitable to 
delay this, until the visit is almost concluded, as it 
gives but scant time to show her any attentions, 
and robs her of much pleasure she might have en- 
joyed. 

VISITING IN THE COUNTRY. 

The visitor at a country home must remember that 
the hours for rising and for meals is earlier than in 




THE FIRST MUSIC LESSON. 




WAITING. 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



287 



the city, and adapt themselves to those customs. 
They should not make too heavy demands upon the 
time of their hostess, for drives and excursions. All 
efforts to make her stay pleasant must be accepted 
with a thankful spirit. 

And the hostess herself, whether in town or coun- 
try must remember that "True hospitality consists in 
freely and cheerfully giving your visitor the best you 
have in the way of rooms, provisions, and other 
means of entertainment. Having done this, make 
no apologies because you have no better. Your gen- 
eral demeanor toward your guests will do more toward 
making them feel at home and enjoy their visit than 
any amount of grandeur and luxury. Devote as 
much time as you can to the amusement and society 
of your visitors, and let them feel, from your kind- 
ness and cheerfulness*, that you enjoy their presence." 




19 



CHAPTER XXIII. 



A SHORT CHAPTER ON BUSINESS. 

HE average American is a business man. In 



this land, where titles and hereditary estates do 
not give him the leisure and excuse for idling away 
his time which so many Europeans have, he is im- 
mersed in some business which is his life-work. Even 
when wealth flows in upon him, he seldom retires 
from active pursuits, to enjoy the rest which is his 
right, until failing health warns him that life is per- 
haps dependent upon his retirement. This is due en- 
tirely to the nervous, restless energy of the typical 
American, who is impelled by his ambition to acquire 
that wealth and business reputation which give us 
standing with other nations. Business is here the 
quintessence of energy, and the highway to honor and 
fame. So our men go on toiling and adding to their 
countless millions, and piling them up, for future gen- 
erations to enjoy. 

Business rules cannot be laid down that would be 
infallible, for each man has a system of his own; but 
a few rules bearing upon the etiquette due to others 




288 



A SHORT CHAPTER ON BUSINESS. 




- m 



289 



in the transacting of his daily affairs, have a fitting 
place in a book which aims to cover the ground of 
good forms as applicable to every department of life. 

" POLITENESS TO STRANGERS. 

Politeness is the key to success. An establishment 
where employers and employes are polite and attent- 
ive will command the trade of the best customers. 
Many employers fondly imagine that if they adopt a 
brusque, abrupt manner toward a customer, it will 
be believed that they are doing an immense business, 
and have no time for idle ceremony. Nothing will 
injure a business man more than this. We have seen 
a stranger enter an office where several clerks were 
employed, and stand abashed, waiting for some one 
to address him as to his business, until the delay was 
painful. The proper thing to do was for some one 
to step forward and inquire his business, and call the 
person whose place it was to attend to him. 

LOSING THE TEMPER. 

Never lose your temper in discussing business mat- 
ters. The moment you do that, you place yourself at 
a disadvantage. Besides, you get the reputation of 
being an unpleasant person to deal with. 

BUSINESS AND SENTIMENT. 

Keep your business strictly to yourself. And do 




IF* 




290 



A SHORT CHAPTER ON BUSINESS. 



not allow your social habits to intrench upon your 
hours of business. Deal in a straightforward, upright 
manner with all. Sentiment is very nice in its place, 
but it has no place in business; and if you permit 
yourself to be governed by its dictates, you will do 
many things which will retard your success. You 
should use judgment and discretion in all things. 
Have a plan of action founded on correct business 
rules, and do not deviate from it. 

HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL. 

Choose a business for which you have a liking, and 
which you can understand. Having mastered it, do 
not change lightly. Some men are in a dozen differ- 
ent lines in half that many years; they never make a 
success of any one of them. Control or rather plan 
and regulate the labor of others. A man who has a 
large force of employes and who deals with them fairly, 
is always sure of good services, and from their labors 
will win a competence. Control your own invest- 
ments, and know exactly their, results. Do not trust 
too implicitly to others. 

CALLS IN BUSINESS HOURS. 

No one should make a friendly call in business 
hours. Some unthinking persons will visit a friend 
who is engaged in some business house. The friend is 




A SHORT CHAPTER ON BUSINESS. 



291 



glad to see you, and there is scarce a firm but is will- 
ing that its employes should spare a few moments 
occasionally in such a case. But when that call is 
prolonged into an hour, or even more, and the employe 
is in mental torture lest his emloyer may reprimand 
him, the pleasure is much dampened. Such callers 
are always "afraid they are taking up too much time," 
and the poor victim, who seldom has backbone 
enough to tell them frankly that they are, assures 
them thus: "Oh, no, glad to see you." Those who 
are not engaged in business cannot comprehend that 
the time of one who is, does not belong to any one 
but the employer, who pays for the work accomplished 
in a given time. Meanwhile, that work is accumu- 
lating, and the employe sees the gathering storm, and 
knows that he must pay the price of a friendly "call" 
by- extra efforts to "catch up" with his daily task. 
There are occasions where a call, is excusable, as for 
instance if a friend's stay in town is too limited to 
allow of his calling at the house, or he does not know 
the home address. But, as a rule, no one should 
intrude upon the hours devoted to business, or if it 
cannot be avoided, make your stay eo short that your 
farewell will not be "a consummation most devoutly 
wished." 

PAYING BILLS. 

All bills should be paid when presented. If you 



292 A SHORT CHAPTER ON BUSINESS. 



compel a creditor to call a second or even third 
time with a bill, your credit will be impaired. Be 
particular to thank a man when you collect a bill. 

BUSINESS ENGAGEMENTS. 

When you make an engagement, meet it promptly. 
Never make an agreement at random. But having 
made one, adhere to it implicitly. 

NEVER DECEIVE. 

Never misrepresent any business transaction. Do 
not deceive a customer with reference to the quality 
of goods. State just what they are. If you once, in 
your zeal to sell an article, declare it to be what it is 
not, you forfeit the good- will and confidence of that 
customer permanently. It is the best plan to say 
frankly that it is not exactly what the customer wishes, 
even if you lose a sale by so doing. 

POLITE TO ALL. 

Use all customers alike. Make no distinction be- 
tween the one who makes a large purchase and the 
small buyer. And never make remarks disparaging 
any one with whom you transact business. 

MEET YOUR BILLS. 

All bills and drafts must be met promptly. If you 
find you cannot do so, it is proper to notify your 




A SHORT CHAPTER ON BUSINESS. 



293 



creditor and tell him frankly, stating a time when 
you can do so. You will usually find he will accom- 
modate you, if you are straightforward in your busi- 
ness methods. 

DO NOT PRY. 

Never glance over another's accounts or books if 
you chance to see them open. Do not attempt to 
learn the business of a rival firm. Have; or at least, 
suppress all curiosity about anything which does not 
concern you individually. Never listen when two 
men are holding a conversation. 

REPLY TO LETTERS. 

Reply to all letters at once. Delay is unbusiness- 
like. In asking for information from any one, inclose 
a stamp for reply. When you call on a man on busi- 
ness, transact it as quickly as you can. Busy people 
have no time to waste. 

PAYING OUT MONEY. 

When you pay out money, if it be a large sum, 
insist upon the person's counting it in your presence. 
On the other hand, never receive a sum of money 
without counting it in the presence of the one from 
whom you receive it. 



Si %\ 





£94 A SHORT CHAPTER ON BUSINESS. 



REPROVING EMPLOYES. 

If an employer has occasion to reprove one in his 
employ, he should do so privately. A kind, forbear- 
ing manner will accomplish more than a pompous, 
churlish tone. A little interest shown in the welfare 
of employes, will win more valuable service from 
■ them. 

LADIES CALLING ON BUSINESS. 

When a lady calls on business intent, she should state 
it as explicitly as possible, and leave at once. Some 
very young girls who are unused to the ways of the 
world, will call on young men whom they know, at 
their places of business. This is a very bad practice, 
and wili expose the most innocent to unfavorable 
remarks. 





CHAPTER XXIV. 



PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 



THERE is no relationship so beautiful, so endur- 
ing as that which exists between parents and 
cfcildren. It is the most binding of ties, and yet is 
often disregarded by the thoughtless and inconsider- 
ate. Parents are far oftener remiss in their duty to 
their children, than they think. It may seem an un- 
warranted assertion, but parents whose means are 
ample, and opportunities large, are sadly neglectful 
of them in many cases. This does not mean that 
they starve them, or chastise them cruelly; there 
are graver wrongs than these, even. 

The parent who neglects the early training of a 
child, who allows it to grow up as a weed, its moral 
faculties suffered to lie untrained, and its mental 
capacities left undeveloped, does that child a wrong 
that no mere care and ample provision for the creat- 
ure comforts can ever atone for. 

Every child has a right to an education. Educa- 
tion does not alone mean the schooling of the intel- 
lect. The heart, with its fine affections, the moral 

295 



v 



296 



PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 



nature with its powers of good and evil, must keep 
equal place with the cutivation of the brain, else the 
child is mentally one-sided; it is not well-poised, so 
to speak. 

Many parents honestly believe, when they have 
provided the necessities of life with a liberal hand, 
and placed no barrier to the indulgence in all proper 
pleasures, that they have fulfilled their duty, and are 
entitled to credit. 

FILIAL RESPECT. 

The first lesson a child should be taught, is filial re- 
spect, and a deferent yielding of its own wishes to 
those of its parents. This does not imply a slavish 
submission, or a crushing out of individuality. It 
means that the tie between parent and child should 
be so strong, and the confidence so great, that there 
would be no chance for the clashing of will. The 
child would look up to its parents with respect, and 
they in turn would consult with the fresh young 
minds growing into maturity under their tender care, 
and thus the ideal home would be made an actual 
possibility— a realization. 

A HAVEN OF REST. 

Peace should be found in one spot of earth — home; 
also comfort' and appreciation. All that is worth 








/ 



PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 



297 



learning in the earliest years, should be taught here. 
The best principles to guide the future life and con- 
duct are inculcated — here the sweet courtesies of life 
are shown. The little child knows nothing beyond 
what its mother teaches; her word is its article of 
faith — -her views the only ones worth accepting. 
How the heart thrills to hear a child say — "I know 
it's so, for my mother says so!" What a priceless 
charge the care and training of children is; how nec- 
essary that the home should be made cheerful by love 
and sympathy, that it may be a shelter and protec- 
tion in childhood, and a sanctuary to which they can 
retreat in maturer years. 

One thing many homes lack — the sunshine of ap- 
preciation. As flowers cannot grow without sunlight, 
neither can the young thrive without they are treated 
with consideration, and assistance rendered them. 

If a boy likes to "waste" his time in getting. up in- 
ventions, trying to utilize the commonest things of life, 
or making models which are destined, he thinks, to 
astonish the world some day, do not sneer at his crude 
efforts, and dismiss them with a majestic frown or a 
shrug of the shoulders! Parents ought to know that 
these trifles are as precious in a boy's eyes as the 
most treasured work of art is to the world-famed 
painter. Out of the mass of faint, half-formed ideas 





298 



PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 



the boys may work something you may be proud to 
indorse some day. 

And the girls — how their eager faces flush with joy 
as they master some difficult problem or some allotted 
home task, and hasten to make their triumph known 
to father and mother! How cruelly some parents 
ignore or even repulse their efforts. We do not envy 
the parents who never have a word of praise for 
their children — who deny a bit of approval or a wel- 
coming smile to their own, although they are gener- 
ous enough with both to strangers. They do not 
know what they are doing — they are chilling the 
warmest feelings of the heart. They are withering 
the bright blossoms of love and confidence which can- 
not live without careful nurture. 

DARE TO BE TRUE. 

It has been well said that "the mother's heart is 
the children's school-room." Then be yourselves just 
what you would have your children be. Never stoop 
to pander with expediency. If a question of right or 
wrong comes up for decision, meet it squarely. Let 
your children feel that mother and father are always 
found on the side of the right, and not policy. Never 
use coarse or rude language. If the home conversa- 
tion is pure and elevating, the children will imbibe 
the same tone of thought, and home will be the fount- 



5-. 




PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 



2S9 



ain-head of all that is ennobling; the spot where 
pure affection has its birth. The hearthstone must 
be the shrine of purity, of generous teachings, the 
repository of the virtues. In its shelter are taught 
those lessons which make the girls and boys who go 
from its walls, good women and men, who will leave 
their impress upon the world. 

BANISH UNPLEASANTNESS. 

In the home, bickerings and distrust and petty jeal- 
ousy must be banished. Children who grow up under 
the baleful dissensions of discordant homes, will learn 
to doubt the existence of a peaceful home, their faith 
in goodness will grow weak, and their fondness for 
the home circle dim. This is not the true idea. It 
should be a sheltering retreat, where the suspicious 
world is shut out, and where their dear ones will be 
fitted for contact with the hard realities of life, and 
grow and ripen spiritually for the world to come. 

MAKE YOUR CHILDREN HONEST. 

Teach children honesty in all things. Make them 
love truth and hate deception. If they commit a fault, 
do not terrorize them, but reason gently and plainly 
with them. Instill a moral courage into their minds 
which makes it unnatural for them to tell a lie, or 
fear to act up to their convictions. Exact obedience; 




PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 



allow no insubordination. The boy who disregards 
home government, sneering at its dictates, will be- 
come a law-defying man. Obedience to authority 
and discipline is the foundation of governmental and 
social order. 

WATCH YOUR CONVERSATION. 

Parents should watch their own expressions most 
vigilantly that no vulgar or flippant conversation is 
indulged in. It is a hard task to train the young in 
this matter, for they are apt to catch slangy language 
from the streets, or from other children who are not 
checked, and unless it is forbidden, such things will 
taint the purity of the home. 

PUNISHING CHILDREN. 

There may be instances where corporal punishment 
may be necessary in restraining certain dispositions. 
But there must be something lacking in the parent 
who resorts to it, except as an extreme measure. 
The child who has been carefully instructed, from 
earliest childhood, to do right, seldom needs chastise- 
ment of this sort. A prominent educator says, on 
this point: 

"Corporal punishment is a moot question, and 
probably will always remain so, while so much may 
be said both for and against it. There can be no 
doubt that it has in many instances been administered 




PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 

unwisely, and often with cruelty. There are children 
whose nervous system and moral tone never recover 
from the shock of a caning that is forgotten in an 
hour by a sturdier urchin. Teachers in general are 
too selfishly alive to the imputation of partiality to 
make due allowance for the difference in organiza- 
tions, and hence they are prone to inflict corporal 
punishment in cases where it is unnecessary or injuri- 
ous. The genial and humane Sir Richard Steele says, 
'I am confident that no boy who will not be allured to 
letters without blows will ever be brought to anything 
with them;' and he quotes a pertinent observation of 
Quintilian, that 'if any child be of so disingenuous a 
nature as not to stand corrected by reproof, he, like 
the very worst of slaves, will be hardened even 
against blows themselves. ' Dullness can never be 
corrected by stripes, which therefore are no adequate 
penalty for failures that proceed from want of capac- 
ity. Nevertheless, there are cases where the rod, 
properly administered, is the only efficacious and 
therefore the only righteous punishment. Yet to 
sensitive and refined natures this mode of correction 
is so objectionable, and frequent resort to it is so 
degrading both to judge and culprit, that if after one 
or two trials the rod work no amendment it may safe- 
ly be abandoned; for if it do no good, it will surely 
do harm. Parents, who hold supreme control ovei 





^QJ%£ 



302 



PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 



their own children, may substitute other punishments; 
and teachers, whose control is limited, may exercise 
the right of expulsion." 

We believe a cause for these whippings lies back of 
them in the fact that the little ones are given too 
much notice when quite small. Their pranks are 
considered "cute" and are repeated in their presence, 
to every visitor. The child, greedy of praise, is en- 
couraged to play more startling tricks, till they become 
offensive, and a sound castigation follows. The per- 
formance that looked so smart at three isn't so amus- 
ing at ten. The child does not realize its changed 
conditions, and a bitter, rebellious feeling springs up, 
which is the first step toward that estrangement often 
met with, between father and son. 

And yet there are worse punishments than this. 
Scolding, finding fault, recrimination are even below 
the dignity of punishment, yet many who deny the 
rod do not hesitate to resort to this unworthy and 
pernicious form of punishment. Nothing will rasp 
and embitter the soul more deeply than a railing, 
"nagging" tongue. 

DO NOT FEAR TO PRAISE. 

Many parents think it will make a child vain, to 
compliment it. This is a mistake. Children are 
sensitive, timid, and distrustful of themselves by 





nature, and need the stimulus of a little judicious 
appreciation to bring them out. It is not necessary 
to overpraise, or lead them to think they are wonder- 
fully smart, for this would make them vain, and even 
pert. But any parent who takes the trouble to study 
that fresh, unsullied page — a child's heart — will not 
fall into this error. Don't be afraid of loving them 
too much; encourage them when they grow up, and 
make them feel indeed that "there's no place like 
home." The world will wound soon enough; and if 
to this is added coldness and lack of appreciation at 
home, dreary indeed would life become. Then show 
the young people of your household that you respect 
their efforts, and aid them with your riper judgment 
and they will strive harder to be worthy of the trust 
you put in them; love will grow stronger, and home 
will become an "earthly Paradise." 

Such homes as these become fond memories which 
will strengthen the tired soul in its conflict with life. 
They furnish the models for the young man or young 
woman when they in turn have a hand in the formation 
of other homes. From their portals come forth the 
earnest workers, the great statesmen, the pious divines; 
and greater still, come the people, upon whose intelli- 
gence, patriotism and morality the perpetuity of the 
state depends. 

And as everything good has its rise in religion, so 
20 




304 



PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 



train them that they will love the house of God. 
Then will they be spared many temptations, and the 
true spirit of warm and earnest love will glow in their 
hearts, and shine forth in their daily lives. 

PURSUIT IN LIFE. 

When children have reached a certain age, they 
begin to consider what pursuit they shall engage in. 
It is unwise to bias the mind of the young in this 
matter. Whatever their natural tastes incline them 
to, should become their life-work. The majority of 
parents decide these questions for their children, and 
dissatisfaction arises, and continually they feel that 
they are misplaced. Watch the bent of the young 
minds; converse with them as to their predilections. 
They will learn any business more readily if they are 
interested in it. Let this determine you to leave 
them unfettered in their choice, and they will be far 
more certain in their pursuit, when it is self-chosen. 



CHAPTER XXV. 

MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 

LTHOUGH the many branches of etiquette have 
been fully treated, there yet remain a few general 
hints which did not seem to come under the other 
heads. We have grouped these for easy reference: 
When a "tale of woe" is poured into your ears, 
even though you cannot sympathize, do not wound by 
appearing indifferent. True politeness decrees that 
you shall listen patiently, and respond kindly. 

If enemies meet at a friend's house, lay aside all 
appearance of animosity while there, and meet on 
courteous terms. 

Do not introduce people in a public conveyance. It 
draws attention to a person and makes him unpleas- 
antly conspicuous. 

Take the precaution to insert the stopper in an ink 
bottle if you are called away while writing. You do 
not know what careless person may approach your 
desk, in your absence, and do your work irreparable 
damage. 

If you secure an introduction for the purpose of ask- 
305 





306 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 



ing a favor, you have no further claim upon that per- 
son's recognition after the business is transacted. 

Take warning, and always be on time. Some peo- 
ple are always a little too late. Late in going to bed, 
late in getting up, in going to their daily work, at 
their meals, and in keeping their appointments. They 
may have business of importance to attend to, where 
thousands of dollars are at stake, and then they wait 
until the last train, and fail to catch even that. Just 
a little too late — that is all! 

In introducing two gentlemen, address the elder, or 
superior, with "Allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. 
Hale, to you. Mr. Hale, Mr. Gordon." 

Adapt yourself to the society in which you find your- 
self. If you feel sad or ill, and cannot shake it off, do 
not go into company. You have no right to sadden 
others. 

When calling, do not enter into grave discussions. 
Trifling subjects are better. 

Married men are relieved from the task of making 
calls of ceremony. The wife leaves her husband's 
card in lieu of a call. 

It is vulgar to greet a friend by slapping him on the 
back, or playfully poking him in the ribs. No amount 
of intimacy makes it allowable. 

Calls made upon the sick, should be returned as soon 
as health permits. 






MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 307 



If you have a friend who has met reverses, and you 
desire to show your friendship by visiting her, do not 
go dressed expensively. Adapt your dress to her 
changed circumstances. 

It is rude to turn a chair so that your back will be 
presented to anyone. 

If you see a lady whom you do not know, unat- 
tended, and needing the assistance of a gentleman, 
offer your services to her at once. She will readily 
understand the gentle chivalry which prompts you, 
and will feel that by accepting your kindness, she does 
not place herself in a false light. 

A young man can check vulgarity in his compan- 
ions, if he so desires. It requires some moral cour- 
age. It is related of a group of young men, that one 
of them, being about to regale the rest with an improp- 
er story, suddenly paused, and said looking around, 
"Are there any ladies within hearing?" "No," rang 
out the brave response, "but there are gentlemen 
here!" The reproof had its effect. The st^rv re- 
mained untold. 

Do not laugh at your own wit. Allow others to do 
that. 

News that is not well vouched for, should not be re- 
peated; else you may acquire the reputation of being 
unreliable. 

In business, answer any question asked, even if it 




308 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 



does not appear to benefit you personally. In the 
end, you will be the gainer, for you will be esteemed 
as an obliging gentleman. 

In company, do not converse with another in a 
language that is not understood by the rest. 

In entering a room, if you find the door open, leave 
it so. If closed, be particular to shut it after you. 

Accompany your wife to the church of her choice. 

If you belong to a different denomination from the 
one with which she communes, it is only fair that you 
take turns in attending the two houses of worship. 

Do not take pride in offensively expressing yourself 
on every occasion, under the impression that you will 
be admired for your frankness. "Speaking your 
mind," says Jerrold, "is an extravagance which has 
ruined many a man." 

If it becomes necessary to break a marriage engage- 
ment, it is best to do so by letter. The reasons for 
your course can be given much more clearly than in 
a personal interview. All presents, letters, etc., 
received, should accompany the letter announcing the 
termination of the engagement. 

During a walk in the country, ascending a hill or 
walking on the bank of a stream, and the lady is 
fatigued, and sits upon the ground, do not seat your- 
self by her, but remain standing until she is rested 
sufficiently to proceed. 





MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 



309 



When walking with a lady who has your arm, and 
you are about to cross a street, do not disengage your 
arm. 

A host should see that he has no wall-flowers at a 
party or ball given in his home, by providing such 
ladies with partners, in an unobtrusive manner, so as 
not to wound their self-esteem. 

Do not show undignified haste in whatever you have 
to do. Chesterfield said, "Whoever is in a hurry, 
shows that the thing he is about is too big for him." 

In writing for publication, but one side of the sheet 
of paper must be written on. 

Never refuse to accept an apology. Only ungener- 
ous minds will do so. If one is due from you, make 
it unhesitatingly. 

A dispute about religion is foolish. When it is 
known that there are fifteen hundred millions of peo- 
ple on the face of the earth, speaking 3,034 tongues, 
and possessing one thousand different religious be- 
liefs, it will be easily seen that it is a hopeless task to 
harmonize them all. 

In meeting a number of friends together, do not 
make a difference in the warmth of your salutation. 
To meet one with reserve and formality and another 
with great effusiveness, is ill-bred. 

Do not grow fidgety and anxious to make your exit, 
if your friend with whom you call prolongs his stay 



310 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 



longer than you desire to. Be composed at all times, 
and in all places. 

If you hear of the misfortune of another, do not 
rejoice. And never speak disparagingly of another, 
it will be charged to envy. 

In calling upon the sick, do not inquire what medi- 
cine they are taking, and express your doubts of its 
efficacy. Nor ask what phyiscian is employed, and try 
to shake the patient's confidence in him. Above all, 
do not attempt to prescribe yourself. You are not 
there in the role of a doctor, but as a visitor. 

When friends call on you, never look at your watch. 
It appears as if you were desirous that they should 

go- 
Never pick the teeth, scratch the head, blow the 
nose, or clean your nails in company. 

Never correct the pronunciation of a person pub- 
licly; nor any inaccuracy that may be made in a state- 
ment. 

Never lend a borrowed book. Be equally particu- 
lar to return one that has been loaned you, and accom- 
pany it with a note of thanks. 

Do not be too familiar on short acquaintance. Nor 
presume to address them by the first name. This is 
a presumption which some people never forgive. 

Do not ask the age of another, unless they are quite 
youthful. Some very sensible men and women are 



y 



5 

m 




MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 311 



sensitive on this point. Whether it be considered 
silly or not, they have a right to keep their secret. 

Do not pass between two persons who are talking 
together. Do not seat yourself in the place of one 
who has risen, unless you see that they have no inten- 
tion of returning to the seat they vacated. 

A lady has a right to omit whom, she pleases from 
her entertainments. No one has a right to ask her 
reasons for such a course. Do not permit a gentleman 
to remove a bracelet from your arm, or a ring from 
your finger, for the purpose of examination. Take 
them off, and hand them to him. 

A lady will not strike a gentleman with her hand- 
kerchief, or tap him with her fan. 

Do not lean your head against a wall. You might 
soil the paper. 

The hostess does not leave the room while visitors 
remain. 

To introduce a person who is in anyway objection- 
able to a friend, is insulting. 

Giggling, whispering, staring about, in church is a 
mark of ill-breeding. 

Do not draw near the fire, when calling, unless in- 
vited. A lady can call on a gentleman in his room if 
he is a confirmed invalid, but in no other case. 

When you are invited verbally to dinner, it means 
a very unceremonious affair, and plain dressing, with 
early hours. 



312 MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 



Do not attempt to attend to the wants of a lady 
who already has an escort. It is a piece of imperti- 
nence to do so. 

At a party consisting of gentlemen, the host is the 
master of ceremonies. He alone has the right to call 
for toasts and songs. 

Nicknames are unknown in good society. 

Don't laugh when a funny thing is being said, until 
the climax is reached. 

Do not go into company smelling of onions or garlic. 
They are offensive to most people. 

Do not eat all on your plate, and do not clean it 
up with your bread. 

When a gentleman goes to a ball without a lady 
he must place himself at the disposal of the hostess, 
and dance with any ladies she selects for him. 

A lady at a ball should not burden a gentleman with 
her gloves, fan and bouquet to hold while she dances, 
unless he is her husband or brother. 

Amateur musicians should commit a few pieces to 
memory. If they carry music along, it has an appear- 
ance of conceit, but if they are asked to play or sing, 
it is ungracious to refuse. 

Do not place your arm on the back of a chair occu- 
pied by a lady. 

Ladies do not pass in or out of the general entrance 
of a hotel, but by the ladies' entrance only. 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 



313 



Ladies can make each other's acquaintance in the 
hotel parlor, or at the table. It is optional with 
them how far its carried. 

It is not polite at a wedding to congratulate the 
bride. She should receive wishes for her future happi- 
ness. The bridegroom is the one who is to be con- 
gratulated. He is the fortunate one. 

When servants at a hotel are disrespectful, lay a 
complaint before the proprietor. Orders to servants 
should be given in a pleasant tone, without a shade of 
familiarity. 

It is customary to add the words "Without further 
notice" to a funeral invitation given through the 
papers. 

Children should not be brought into the drawing- 
room to see visitors, unless they are asked for. 

Blowing soup or pouring tea and coffee into the 
saucer to cool it, is evidence of a lack of knowledge 
of the usages of good society. 

It is against etiquette for a husband and wife to play 
cards together, or for two persons to be partners at 
every game. It supposes a familiarity with each 
other's methods of play. All games should be played 
according to the proper rules. Do not propose card 
playing in the house of another. Fingering the cards 
as they are dealt out, is a rude act. Wait till they 
are all distributed before you take up your hand. 



314 MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 



A business address should never be seen on a visit- 
ing card. A card with a photograph on it is a piece 
of vulgar conceit. 

To look over the shoulder of another is rude. So 
is the fashion common to some of looking over a 
newspaper which a neighbor in the street-car is read- 
ing. 

The only gifts which should pass between ladies 
and gentlemen who are not relatives are books, flow- 
ers, music and confectionery. 

Do not allude to a present you have made. Wait 
to have it acknowledged. 

Ladies should never adopt the ungraceful habit of 
folding their arms, or of placing them akimbo. 

To pencil your sentiments in a borrowed book is 
rude. 

If you chance to use a foreign phrase, don't trans- 
late it. It is equivalent to saying, "You don't know 
anything." 

The man who insults his inferiors or those who are 
weak is simply a coward. 

A gossip is more or less malicious and uncultivated. 
If nothing worse, she is empty-headed. 

When walking with a lady, find out before you start, 
if she has any preference as to the route. 

To write a letter of congratulation on mourning 
paper is rather inconsistent. 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 



315 



Musk and strong perfumes should not be used. A 
mere hint of a perfume is enough. 

Do not yawn loudly, and stretch the arms as if you 
were going to engage in a personal contest. 

Keep the gloves on during a formal call. 

Do not ask about the private affairs of anyone. Or 
what caused them to leave their home and come to a 
strange country or city. 

It is not customary to offer refreshments to callers. 

Boasting of wealth, family or position is exceedingly 
silly and tiresome to the listeners. 

Whispering is impudent, and interrupting a speaker 
is insulting. 

Cultivate a low, clear tone of voice, and an easy 
manner. Do not gesticulate in conversation. 

If strangers are in a room when a caller leaves, a 
slight bow in passing out, is sufficient recognition. 

Do not boast of your church work. "A religion that 
ever suffices to govern a man will never suffice to 
save him." 




CHAPTER XXVI. 



HOME COURTESIES. 



/^VOURTESY is enjoined in Holy Writ. The 
Apostle Peter says in his exhortation to wives 
and husbands, "Be ye courteous." This is rightly 
considered a Christian virtue, and will flourish in 
rich profusion when planted in faith. 

Nowhere does this flower blossom as richly as in 
the home garden. Here, the sweet and tender min- 
istrations of life are born, which flow out into the 
world, to bless others. The memories of early years 
are the dearest. They are never forgotten; the in- 
structions given there are never effaced. These teach- 
ings have more in them than mere set formalities — 
they glow with life and warmth, for do they not re- 
call the dear faces of father and mother, brothers and 
sisters, ere the home circle was broken; before care 
and sickness and separation came. 

Those days were the preparatory ones, when the 
character was being fitted for the struggle of life. 

CHOOSING COMPANIONS. 

The choice of companions has a far-reaching influ- 
316 







HOME COURTESIES. 

ence upon the young. Were parents more careful in 
knowing who were admitted to association with their 
children, it would not be so difficult a task to incul- 
cate those courteous manners which all love to wit- 
ness. The friends young people should select, should 
have moral worth, rather than position in society. 
Their courteous conduct toward others, is of the 
greatest consequence. 

Children are all imitative. Few are found who 
strike out an original path for themselves. So the 
model they pattern after should be a good one. If 
parents realized how great was their responsibility, 
how closely they were watched and copied, they 
would place a perpetual guard upon their lips and 
manners, that nothing unlovely could be reproduced 
in the home life. 

BE COURTEOUS TO ALL. 

Courtesy is incumbent upon all. A truly polite mis- 
tress will find no trouble in having good servants, for 
she will remember that they are human, and not stone, 
with feelings and rights that should be respected. 
It is a coarse nature that is rude and overbearing to 
those whom fortune has placed beneath one. The 
bad effects will be apparent in another direction, for 
the insolent mistress will have insolent servants. 
Courteous treatment, and a proper regard for their 







313 



HOME COURTESIES. 



comfort, will win their regard and more faithful serv- 
ices. 

UNIFORM COURTESY. 

Where courtesy prevails at home, the young will be 
polite naturally, and they will preserve this good- 
breeding wherever they are. Children must never 
be allowed to have two sets of manners, one for home 
use and the other for company. Demand uniform 
courtesy — at their play, and at their studies; at 
home and abroad. 

Courtesy should begin at home, like charity, but 
neither should end there. In the face of the mad rush 
and bustle of our daily lives, we, as a nation, are court- 
eous. Even Dickens, who scored us so unmercifully 
in his "American Notes," says of us: "But no man 
sat down until the ladies were seated; or omitted any 
little act of politeness which could contribute to their 
comfort. Nor did I ever once, on any occasion, any- 
where, during my rambles in America, see a woman 
exposed to the slightest i act of rudeness, incivility, or 
even inattention." This indorsement makes one feel 
proud. And a courtesy so general as to win words 
like these, can only spring from the fact that court- 
esy and good feeling are grounded in the home teach- 
ings, which have instilled a spirit of chivalrous re- 
spect which is an honor to any nation. 



HOME COURTESIES. 



319 



PRACTICE AT HOME. 

And yet ii is sad to be compelled to say that there 
are families all over our land who neglect to teach 
the small, sweet courtesies of every day to those be- 
neath their roof. Who allow them to talk boister- 
ously, romp all over the house at unseemly hours, shout 
to each other, and commit a dozen such breaches of 
etiquette merely because they are at home, and no 
company is there. Should friends call unexpectedly, 
what a transformation. The young voices are sub- 
dued, the step is light and soft, and quiet manners 
take the place of the rough and noisy exhibitions of 
a few minutes previous. This is not being polite — 
it is only a sham. They can be taught to exercise 
gentle manners at home; to be thoughtful of the 
comfort of every member of the family; to be guilty 
of no act that they would blush for were other eyes 
upon them. Then they will become the real gentle- 
man or lady. 

Courtesy must spring from an unselfish desire to 
do right. There is a beautiful myth floating on the 
topmost wave of the pretty fancies with which the 
world is blessed, which reads thus: Two children, 
a sturdy boy and a gentle girl, are wandering in playful 
idleness through an old garden, overgrown with weeds 
and rank grass. The boy finds a bunch of keys — the 
21 



320 



HOME COURTESIES. 



talismanic number, three, and of a curious old pat- 
tern, rusted and worn. 

They look with indifference upon the keys, but hav- 
ing few toys, they keep them. Days pass by — the 
keys are forgotten, till one day they find an old door 
set in a wall, over which the weeping-willow hangs, 
hiding the framework with its heavy foliage, as if 
weary of its trust, and anxious to give it up. The 
boy and girl, still playmates, search patiently for a 
way to open the door; and at last, finding the key- 
nole thick with cobwebs, they tear them eagerly away, 
and push the key into the lock. The door creaks 
slowly, their strength is scarcely sufficient to force it 
to turn on its rusty hinges, but they persevere, and 
at last they step through, into a land so fair, a scene 
so lovely, that they hold their very breaths with 
delight. 

The door in the neglected garden is the crust of sel- 
fishess which has o'er grown the hearts of the old and 
sorrow-weary. The keys are the rusty and unused ones 
of love, patience and truth. Love that seeks the good 
of all; patience, that "overcometh evil," and ten- 
derly, earnestly, strives to do all the work set before 
it; truth, that speaks no ill, keeps the tongue clean, 
the heart single. To these three keys it is given to 
unlock the sealed mysteries and beauties of the heart 
which the world has buried 'neath its rubbish. 





S3 




*<L? Qjy y ^ 




//CW£ COURTESIES. 



321 



This habit of being courteous cannot be learned by 
arbitrary rules, but must be the outgrowth of home 
practice. To one who is agreeable, civil, kind, it 
will be very easy to be so elsewhere. A coarse, 
rough manner at home begets a kindred roughness 
which cannot be laid off, when among strangers. 
Home is the school for all things good, especially for 
good manners. 






CHAPTER XXVII. 




HE body is the temple of the soul; the shrine ct 



X the spirit. To care for it and preserve it in its 
highest perfection is the duty of every man and 
woman. To every woman there comes a natural 
desire to be beautiful. There is a beauty which is 
planted in the speaking eye, the fresh and roseate 
skin, the mobile features, ere they are stamped by 
the hard lines of experience or sorrow. Beauty is the 
gift of the Creator, and to slight or despise it is to 
spurn a precious inheritance. To make the most of 
the charms bestowed by the Master-hand, is to 
cherish and fit the temple for its occupant. 

Frances Willard says: "The desire to be beauti- 
ful is instinctive, because we were all meant to be so, 
though so ruthlessly defrauded of it, on the material 
plane by the ignorant excesses of our ancestors and 
the follies of our own untaught years." She utters a 
truth which strikes home to the consciousness of 
every woman, who would like to be fair to look upon, 




TOILET RECIPES. 



323 



and of every man who is led captive by the spells of 
beauty. 

Beauty without sense and intelligence is lamentable; 
but beauty joined to wit and intellect is irresistible. 

Beauty is to woman what strength is to man. Cul- 
tivation of the mind and body should go hand in hand. 
Then let every girl feel that she is only performing 
a pleasant duty when she is using every proper means 
to develop and preserve her natural beauty. 

THE STANDARD OF BEAUTY. 

There can be no fixed standard of beauty where the 
tastes of different peoples are so varied. The Chinese 
admire fat, laid on in abundance, and to them the 
feet of one our belles who wears a No. I shoe, are 
monstrosities. In some of the barbaric tribes a beau- 
tiful woman's teeth must be coal black. Some tribes 
press their babes' heads to make them square, while 
others admire the sugar-loaf head. The French like 
embonpoint, the Italians and French pay homage to a 
lissome grace, while the English pronounce the 
woman who unites health and strength with grace of 
form as up to the best standard of female loveliness. 

HEALTH A REQUISITE. 

There can be no solid and enduring loveliness with- 
out health. This is the foundation of all beauty. 



324 



TOILET RECIPES. 



And to maintain this, constant exercise is necessary, 
that the figure may round out, the muscles become 
firm, and the step elastic and springy. A beautiful 
form is often deemed more desirable than a handsome 
face. Defects of form are often inherited, while 
others are the result of improper care. Bow-legs 
come from placing the child on its feet too young. 
Uneven shoulders by allowing a child to sleep contin- 
ually on one side, or when grown by sitting in school 
or at their work one-sided. If the head is too high 
at night, round shoulders will result. All these faults 
should be corrected, and much attention given to out- 
door exercise, as skating, rowing, horseback riding, 
swimming, and walking. Lawn-tennis and croquet 
have their uses also. All these tend to develop the 
figure, and impart to it that fullness and vigor which 
is the perfection of beauty. 

CARE OF THE TEETH. 

Food and drinks that are too hot or too cold, will 
destroy the beauty of the teeth. They should be 
brushed after each meal, and the mouth well rinsed 
with cold water. A soft brush should be used, and all 
pastes and tooth-washes discarded. Cleanliness will 
preserve and beautify any teeth, unless they are 
actually diseased, and then resort should be had to a 
good dentist at once. Delay is fatal, for the diseased 



TOILET RECIPES. 



325 



tooth decays rapidly, and wili have a like effect on 
those that are sound. Salt and water cures tender 
gums. Never use a pin or any metal substance to 
remove food that lodges between the teeth. Castile 
soap is an excellent dentifrice. When tartar accumu- 
lates upon the teeth, it can only be removed by a den- 
tist. In the early stages, vinegar will remove it, but 
if it remains too long it has a tendency to loosen the 
teeth. After using the tooth-brush, rinse it in clean 
cold water, and dry it ready for further use. 

FOUL BREATH. 

This most disagreeable infliction arises from two 
causes — decayed teeth, or some affection of the 
stomach. If the latter, a physician should be con- 
sulted. If the teeth are at fault, attention at the 
dentist's hands is again required. A gargle made of 
a spoonful of chloride of lime dissolved in a half 
tumbler of water, will sweeten the breath. The 
taint of smoking can be overcome by chewing com- 
mon parsley, and the odious taint of onions is also 
overcome by parsley, vinegar or burnt coffee. Care- 
ful brushing and frequent rinsing of the mouth will 
keep the teeth in excellent condition without resort- 
ing to tooth-washes or pastes. 

TO REMOVE FLESH-WORMS. 

These "worms" are merely a greasy or sebaceous 




326 



TOILET RECIPES. 



matter which the glands secrete in little sacs. They 
can be pressed out by a watch-key. But the best 
remedy is to bathe the parts affected once a day with 
warm water, and rub with a coarse towel. Then 
apply with a soft cloth a lotion made of liquor of 
potassa, one ounce; cologne, two ounces; white 
brandy, four ounces. 

A FINE COMPLEXION. 

This is one of the principal essentials of beauty. 
Indeed, it outranks mere beauty of feature, for it is 
of no consequence to possess a perfect arm, or a beau- 
tiful face if the skin is as rough as a nutmeg grater, 
or is disfigured by pimples and blotches. And what 
we say is to the gentlemen as well as the ladies. A 
clear, polished skin can only be had by observing 
three things — -temperance, cleanliness and exercise. 
The inordinate use of liquors or strong coffee, greasy 
food, hot biscuit will tell upon the finest complexion 
in time. The young lady who devours pickles, sits up 
half the night reading novels, and lounges round the 
house the next day, can never expect that clear, 
fresh, peach-like complexion which she longs for so 
ardently. Nourishing food, regular exercise, and 
perfect cleanliness can alone restore that youth- 
ful brightness which so many ladies have lost through 
neglect of an obedience to nature's laws. 





TOILET RECIPES. 327 

Late hours are inveterate foes to a beautiful com- 
plexion. Sleep is a great restorer of the exhausted 
nerves. Parties, balls and amusements of any sort 
that are carried into the "wee, sma' hours" should 
be indulged in sparingly. The division which some 
agitators make of "Eight hours for sleep, eight hours 
for work, and eight hours for recreation," is a very 
fair one in all departments of life. 

REMOVING FRECKLES. 

Many ladies are very much annoyed at freckles. 
We have seen faces on which they were positive beau- 
tifiers. Probably the best eradicator of these little 
blemishes was known as "Unction de Maintenon," 
and was composed as follows: 

Venice soap I ounce 

Lemon juice y 2 ounce 

Oil of bitter almonds ]^ ounce 

Deliquidated oil of tartar % ounce 

Oil of rhodium 3 drops 

Dissolve the soap in the lemon juice, add the two 
oils, and put the whole in the sun till it becomes of 
ointment-like consistency, and then add the rhodium. 
Bathe the freckled face at night with this lotion, 
and wash it in the morning with clear, cold water, or 
if convenient, with a wash of elder flower and rose 
water. 



328 



TOILET RECIPES. 



PERSPIRATION. 

The odor of perspiration is often very offensive 
from some persons. A corrective is to wash the body 
with water to which has been added two tablespoon • 
fnls of ammonia — the compound spirits. It is perfectly 
harmless. 

BRAN MITTENS. 

Large mittens worn at night filled with wet bran 
or oatmeal, keep the hands white, in spite of the dis- 
figuring effects of house-work. 

TO PREVENT CHAPPING. 

After cleansing the hands and thoroughly drying 
them, apply Indian meal or rice flour. 

Lemon juice three ounces, white wine vinegar three 
ounces and white brandy half a pint is a nice prepa- 
ration. 

Ten drops of carbolic acid, and one ounce of glyc- 
erine, applied freely at night, is another cure for 
chapping. 

BEAUTIFUL HAIR. 

There is no perfection of beauty without fine hair. 
It is called, even by St. Paul, who was rather strict 
in his ideas of feminine beauty, "the glory of woman." 
The most bewitching face unshaded by soft, shiny 
hair, and a goodly share of it, cannot lay claim 



TOILET RECIPES. 



32 



to beauty. Every woman, who has a fine head of 
hair, is proud of it, and justly so. It may be contra- 
dicted, but we dare the assertion that every woman 
can have this crowning glory if she pays proper care 
to keeping it bright and clean. 

It requires continual brushing. Each, morning it 
should receive a thorough brushing, lasting at least 
ten minutes, and the brush used should be soft 
and clean. The most dry and harsh hair will yield to 
this treatment, and become soft, glossy and strong. 
The morning is the best time for performing this 
brushing, for the hair is more pliable then. It is a 
bad practice to use a very hard brush, under the im- 
pression that it stimulates the scalp. It may do that, 
but at the expense of the hair, which it breaks and 
snarls. The head should be washed at least once a 
week. A good cleanser is to break the whites of two 
eggs into a basin of soft water and work them up to 
a froth in the roots of the hair. Rinse thoroughly 
with clean warm water, and wipe and dry the head 
as thoroughly. Do not dress your hair until it is 
perfectly dry, else it will have a musty odor. 

CARE OF CHILDREN'S HAIR. 

Great care should be taken of the heads of children. 
Frequent cutting should be practiced. Indeed the 
hair will be much more luxurious in maturity if it is 




1 



1- 



1 



J) 



330 TOILET RECIPES. 

kept short up to twelve or thirteen years of age. The 
scalp should be cleansed each morning with a damp 
sponge, and constantly brushed. Fine-teeth combs 
should never be used; they scratch and wound the 
scalp, and loosen the hair. 

REMEDY FOR BALDNESS. 

This recipe has been known for many years, and 
found a prominent place in the list of remedies for this 
evil. It is the celebrated Baron Dupuytren's po- 
made: 

Boxwood shavings 6 oz. 

Proof spirit 12 " 

Spirits of rosemary 2 " 

Spirits of nutmegs }4 " 

The boxwood shavings should be left in the spirits 
to steep for fourteen days at 60 degrees temperature. 
The liquid is then to be strained off, and the other 
ingredients added. Rub this thoroughly on the bald 
spots, night and morning. 

PREVENTING THE HAIR TURNING GRAY. 

It does not by any means assume that a person is 
old because the hair has turned white, for premature 
blanching of the hair is on the increase. There are 
many reasons for this, such as late hours, nervous 
exhaustion, too much anxiety, giving way to violent 
passions; all have an evil tendency. There are man/ 



TOILET RECIPES. 



331 



young people whose lives are as placid as summer 
day, whose hair is snowy, and there are old people 
whose lives have been spent in direct violation of all the 
iaws of hygiene, and yet whose hair is as dark and 
glossy as in youth. So, after all, it se-ems as if these 
things were constitutional. There does not appear 
any probability of "restoring" gray hair to its former 
color. We can only counsel moderation in all those 
pleasures that tend to an exciting, unhealthy mode of 
living. We give a recipe that a writer says she be- 
lieves wards off gray hair: 

Oxide of bismuth 4 dr. 

Spermaceti 4 " 

Pure hog's lard (unsalted) 4 oz. 

Melt the lard and spermaceti together, and when 
cool add bismuth. Perfume to suit yourself. Use 
as a dressing. 

DYEING GRAY HAIR. 

Dyeing the hair is a very dangerous business, as 
most of the hair-dyes have for their base sugar of lead, 
caustic alkalies, limes, litharge and arsenic, all of 
which burn the hair. We have known of cases of 
paralysis of the brain occasioned by the inordinate 
use of hair dyes which their makers asserted were 
"perfectly harmless." 



332 



TOILET RECIPES. 



SOAPS ON THE HAIR. 

Shampooing is a great detriment to the beauty of 
the hair. Soap' fades the hair, often turning it a 
yellow. Brushing is the only safe method of remov- 
ing the dust from the head, with the occasional use 
of the whites of eggs. Perfect rinsing and drying 
. should follow all washing of the head. 

MOLES. 

Never tamper with these disfigurements. There is 
but one way to have them removed, and that is by a 
surgeon. 

THE BATH. 

Every house should make some provision for a 
bath-room. Nothing is so conducive to health and 
beauty as the bath. It should be of a temperature 
from 80 to 95 degrees Fahrenheit. It is not wise to 
remain in the bath too long, and on leaving it, a vig- 
orous rubbing with flesh-brush and Turkish towels 
aids the circulation. A bath once or twice a week, 
exercise in the open air, plain food, and early rising, 
will prove the best beautifiers for the complexion, and 
will change a skin as rough as a nutmeg grater to 
one as smooth and brilliant as satin. 

If there is no bath-room, a sponge bath can be sub^ 
stituted. Many declare this to be the most desirable 



V"? W fs- s J ^ 



C 6 «>i 



fr 1 v..' \\ 





TOILET RECIPES. 



333 



form of bathing. Place an oil-cloth on the floor, 
and improvise a bath for yourself. 

Shower baths are not safe for delicately organized 
persons. In all baths, however, the head should be 
wet first. 

. CARE OF THE EYES. 

The eyes, "those windows of the soul," are terribly 
abused. Late hours, reading by bad lights, strain- 
ing them by over use, are all destructive of their 
beauty. A darkened room is not the best, indeed, it 
will weaken them. A good steady, strong light is 
more favorable to them. 

STY, TO REMOVE. 

These painful little affections are easily removed 
by placing a little tea in a bag. Pour on boiling water 
to moisten it, and apply to the eye warm. Keep 
it on all night. A second application will perhaps be 
necessary. 

CUTTING THE NAILS. 

Filbert-shaped nails are esteemed the handsomest. 
Trim them with round corners. But be very partic- 
ular to keep the nails clean. Nothing is more dis- 
gusting than a finger with a black border at the end. 
A well kept nail will be smooth, shiny and rosy. 




334 



TOILET RECIPES. 



CARE OF THE HANDS. 

If a lady desires a soft, white hand she should 
always wear gloves when she is performing her house- 
hold tasks. There is a rubber glove for sale in rub- 
ber goods stores, which many ladies use who do their 
own washing of dishes. Gloves should always be 
worn when outdoors. A beautiful hand is a poem in 
itself, and many are the devices resorted to, to keep 
it white and shapely. A French recipe for this pur- 
pose is to sleep in gloves filled with a paste of the 
following ingredients: 

Half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad oil, an 
ounce of mutton tallow, boiled together until thor- 
oughly incorporated. As soon as done boiling, but 
before cold, add one gill of spirits of wine, and a 
grain of musk. 

This is rather a troublesome process, but the result 
is entirely satisfactory. 

Sleeping in soft white kid gloves, after rubbing 
mutton tallow on the hands, will keep them soft and 
white. 

MOIST HANDS. 

Some people have a moist, clammy hand that is 
very disagreeable to the touch. Exercise, plain liv- 
ing, and the local application of starch powder and 
lemon juice will cure this affliction. 




HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 



EQUIPPED FOR A RIDE. 



TOILET RECIPES. 



335 



POMADES AND OIL FOR THE HAIR. 

The use of oils and pomades is never desirable. 
Animal fats are more injurious than vegetable oils, 
as they heat the cuticle and become rancid, acting 
eventually as a depilatory. Observe the ends of the 
hair, and if you find them split or forked, clip off the 
extreme end. This will promote the growth of the 
hair. 

CARE OF THE FEET. 

The health and comfort of the feet depend on the 
care which they receive. One way to keep them in 
a healthy state is to soak them several times a week 
in hot water into which a handful of salt has been 
thrown. Another excellent treatment is to soak them 
at night for fifteen minutes in hot soap-suds. Then 
rub them well, and with a ball of pumice stone rub off 
all the superfluous skin, after which olive oil or oil 
of sweet almonds may be rubbed in. To preserve 
the bedclothes after this, a pair of light stockings 
should be worn to sleep in. Such treatment will 
keep the feet in a soft and healthy condition. Clean- 
liness and health are closely allied; and these too 
often neglected members of the body must receive the 
attention they deserve if we would maintain their 
beauty and health. It is astonishing how much per- 
fect cleanliness and care will do for the appearance of 
22 



33G 



TOILET RECIPES. 



the feet, and even the size. It is true, as a few 
months' trial will abundantly demonstrate. 

India rubbers should be worn only in rainy, muddy 
weather. They prevent the circulation of air, and 
cause a perspiration which is offensive. Insoles are 
better for the feet than rubbers. Thick-soled 
leather shoes are better for every day use, taking 
care that they are amply long. A short shoe will de- 
form any foot in time. 

BUNIONS AND CORNS. 

A shoe that is too large will cause a corn quite as 
readily as one that is too small. Pressure or abra- 
sion causes these painful accompaniments of civiliza- 
tion. The fashionable shoe is worn so narrow, with 
toes so pointed that the wonder is that a foot can be 
crowded into it. Turpentine may be used for both 
corns and bunions. A very weak solution of carbolic 
acid will remove soft corns between the toes. 

CHILBLAINS. 

Friction is advised on their first appearance, to- 
gether with the application of one of the following 
lotions: (i) Take one part spirits of wine and five 
parts spirits of rosemary, and mix. (2) A more 
active lotion is the following: Take ten drachms of 
compound soap liniment (opodeldoc) and two drops of 



TOILET RECIPES. 



337 



tincture of cantharides; mix. One of these two may 
be briskly rubbed in on the first appearance of red " 
ness or irritation. 

We give a number of trustworthy recipes selected 
from various sources, but all are known to be excel- 
lent and safe. 

TINCTURE OF ROSES. 

Take the leaves of the common rose (centifolia), 
and place, without pressing them, in a common 
bottle; pour some good spirits of wine upon them, 
close the bottle, and let it stand till required for 
use. This tincture will keep for years and yield 
a perfume little inferior to attar of roses. A few 
drops of it will suffice to impregnate the atmos- 
phere of a room with a delicate odor. Com- 
mon vinegar is greatly improved by a very small 
quantity being added to it. 

HOW TO DARKEN FADED FALSE HAIR. 

The switches, curls and frizzes, which fashion 
demands should be worn, will fade, though they 
match the natural hair perfectly at first. If the 
hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard 
of dark brown calico. Boil it until the color has 
Well come out into the water. Then into this water 
dip the hair, and take it out and dry it. Repeat 









<2» 



338 



TOILET RECIPES. 



the operation until it shall be of the required depth 
of shade. 

REMEDY FOR BURNED KID OR LEATHER SHOES. 

If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes or 
slippers too near the stove, and burned them, she can 
make them nearly as good as ever by spreading soft 
soap upon them while they are still hot, and then, 
when they are cold, washing it off. It softens the 
leather and prevents it drawing up. 

TO CLEAN BLACK DRESSES. 

Use two table-spoonfuls of ammonia to a half-gallon 
of water. Take a piece of black cloth and sponge 
off with the preparation, and afterward with clean 
water. 

NIGHTCAPS. 

Heat the head, and injure the hair. 

TO WHITEN THE ARMS 

for an evening party or theatricals, rub them with 
glycerine, and before the skin has absorbed it all, 
dust on refined chalk. 

WALNUT STAIN 

for skin or hair is made by boiling walnut bark, say 
an ounce to a pint of water, for an hour, slowly, and 



TOILET RECIPES. 



339 



I 



adding a lump of alum the size of a thimble, to set 
the dye. Apply with' a delicate brush to eyebrows 
and lashes, or with a sponge to the hair. 

HAIR RESTORER. 

The hair usually commences to turn gray on the 
temples. A very innocent preparation said to be 
excellent for restoring it is — Rust of iron, one drachm; 
old ale (strong), one pint; oil of rosemary, twelve 
drops. Put these into a loosely corked bottle, and 
shake it daily for a fortnight. Then let it stand un- 
disturbed one day, decant the clear portion and use. 

FAT PEOPLE 

may reduce their flesh rapidly by drinking sassafras tea, 
either cold or hot, with or without sugar. There are 
conditions of health when it might be injurious, how- 
ever, and a physician should be consulted before 
using it. A strong infusion may be made of one 
ounce of sassafras to a quart of water. Boil half 
an hour very slowly, let it cool, and keep from the 
air. 

FRESHNESS OF THE SKIN 

is prolonged by a simple secret, the tepid bath in 
which bran is stirred, followed by long friction, till the 
the flesh fairly shines. This keeps the blood at the 
surface, and has its effect in warding off wrinkles, 




340 



TOILET RECIPES. 



MOSQUITOES. 



may be kept away from the pillow by sprinkling oil 
of pennyroyal about it, (a few drops) at night. Be 
careful that the oil does not fall into children's hands. 

TO REMOVE TAN. 

An elegant preparation for removing tan is made 
of: New milk, one-half pint; lemon juice, one-quar- 
ter ounce; white brandy, one-half ounce. Boil all 
together and remove the scum. Use night and morn- 
ing. 

TO PREVENT DISCOLORATION BY A BRUISE. 



Apply to the bruise a cloth wrung out of nearly 
boiling water, and apply until the pain ceases. 

WATERMELON JUICE. 

A wash for the complexion which is very highly 
prized by Southern ladies who well understand its 
virtues, is the juice of the watermelon. After being 
exposed to the sun and wind during a drive, sail, or 
other outing, it will soothe and allay the burn and 
whiten the skin. The juice from both the pulp and 
rind is used. Washing with it cleanses the skin and 
makes it soft and clear. The white pulp, next the 
red, is sometimes crushed and bound on the skin to 
whiten it, with excellent results, 





TOILET RECIPES. 



311 



DANGER OF COSMETICS. 

One of the most famous beauties of the last cen- 
tury, Maria Gunning, who married the Earl of Coven- 
try, not content with her natural beauty sought to 
enhance it, and used cosmetics which caused her 
death. Physicians are continually called on to treat 
ladies suffering from the use of injurious cosmetics, 
and the patient almost . invariably used them in 
utter ignorance of the harmful nature of the com- 
pound. Ladies cannot be too cautious about using 
cosmetics the composition of which they do not under- 
stand, however loudly they may be advertised, or 
however highly they may be recommended. 

HIVES. 

When these are caused by eating any article of 
food, it should be discontinued, and a mild laxative 
be given as some of the aperient mineral waters. 
The itching may be allayed by bathing the skin in 
warm, soft water, containing about a tablespoonful 
of baking soda to the quart of water. This is also 
good to allay the itching of prickly heat. 

TO AVOID WRINKLES. 

The hand of Time cannot be stayed, but his marks 
upon the face need not be placed there prematurely. 
One of the best local treatments consists in bath 



342 



TOILET RECIPES. 



ing the skin frequently in cold water, and then rub- 
bing with a towel until the flesh is aglow. A little 
bran added to the water is a decided improvement. 
This treatment stimulates the functions of the skin 
and gives it vigor. The wrinkling may be further 
remedied by washing the parts three times a day 
with the following wash: 

Take of Glycerine 4 dr. 



People who are troubled with cold feet will find 
that a simple and effective remedy is to bathe them 
in cold water night and morning, and then apply fric- 
tion to stimulate the circulation. A little red pepper, 
dusted into the stockings, will do much to prevent 
cold feet in the winter. Exercise also relieves this 
complaint. They may be caused by debility, and 
then internal remedies will be required. As a rule, 
woolen stockings should be worn by people thus 
troubled. The wearing of these will, however, in 
some persons, cause a perspiration which results in 
cold feet. A woolen stocking with a merino foot is 
now sold for such cases, 



Tannin 



Rectified spirits 
Water 



2 dr. 
2 dr. 

8 oz. Mix. 



COLD FEET. 



CHAPTER XXVIII. CYCLING. 



TRAVELING A-WHEEL has become so common 
among- all classes and all grades of society that 
a chapter devoted to Etiquette for Cyclers will 
not be amiss in a work of this character. Indeed, 
in these days, no book on the art of behavior would 
be complete without such a chapter. 

Half the world is now on wheels, while the other 
half isabout equally divided between those who would 
like to cycle but have not the physical courage and 
those who consider a "bike" a pet device of his 
Satanic Majesty and are directly opposed to its use 
as a means of recreation or to serve the purpose of 
economy. 

Never before has a " fad " or "craze" taken so firm 
a hold on both sexes as that of riding a- wheel, and, 
unlike most fads, which after a brief existence, sink 
into desuetude, 

BICYCLING HAS COME TO STAY; 

and to the hundreds of men and women who are 
connected directly or indirectly with the professions, 
people our immense office buildings or act as sales- 

.343 



344 CYCLING. 

men or saleswomen in our stores, the wheel comes as 
the greatest benefaction of the time, not only afford- 
ing rapid transit to and from their places of busi- 
ness, but is also a delightful and healthful recreation 
and gives to them the-out-of-door air and exercise 
essential to perfect health. 

An Etiquette on Cycling is imperative, antf 
although of necessity many of the rules thereof, being 
deduced from individual opinions and the customs 
of certain localities, are extremely elastic; others are 
the same the world over and wiil be observed by all 
who respect the best " form." 

Here we wish to record a protest against follow- 
ing English or French form. If there is one thing of 
which more than another the American woman should 
be proud, it is the independence accorded to her in 
matters of this kind; and the confidence in her woman- 
hood, the faith in her uprightness this independence 
implies. Some of our women and girls who make occa- 
sional trips to Europe endeavor to ape foreign -man- 
ners and customs, but the truly American woman 
scorns that which savors of snobbishness and will have 
no patience with that " Frencny " etiquette which re- 
quires at all times for her, if young, the attendance of 
a chaperon; if middle-aged or elderly, the companion- 
ship of a man. 

The saying that, as a rule, "A woman receives no 
attention (desirable or otherwise) which she does 
pot invite," i§ as true of the woman cycler as the one 



CYCLING. 



345 



who travels by steam car, street car or the simple 
pedestrian. On account of the lower estimate placed 
upon womanhood' in foreign countries, the constant 
attendance either of an elderly woman or one of the 
other sex may there be needful, but 

IN AMERICA 

the woman who minds her business may go wherever 
duty calls her. 

Of course, the first essential in cycling is a perfect 
wheel, safe, easy-running, with saddle built high and 
wide in the back, sloping away and downward in 
front, and fitted out with a clock, a bell, luggage car- 
rier, and if the rider cares for records, a cyclometer. 

CONCERNING THE COSTUME 

of gentlemen, we shall have little to say, but are glad 
to be able to record that the determined effort which 
has been made on the part of many to make bloom- 
ers the most popular of cycling costumes for ladies 
has signally failed. Indeed, nothing so ugly or inar- 
tistic could long be popular. There are always some 
ladies who adopt everything novel whether from a 
desire to appear conspicuous or otherwise; but the 
woman who would appear graceful either a-wheel or 
a-foot will never appear in bloomers unless they be 
partially concealed by a short skirt. Women have 
for generations been so accustomed to skirts that it 



346 



CYCLING. 



is impossible for them to acquire grace of motion 
without them. 

Anyone moves much more gracefully when the 
moiion of the upper part of the limbs is concealed; 
even men presenting a much more graceful appear- 
ance in skirted coats than in the sack or blouse which 
is adopted for business wear. 

The most modest as well as the most convenient 
costume for ladies consists either of Knickerbock- 
ers or Turkish trousers and a skirt which extends 
half way from the knee to the boot and is met by 
leather leggings or those of cloth to match the cos- 
tume. Any one of the numerous jackets at present 
in vogue is suitable for the bicycler and should be 
finished with loops on the inside, that when not worn 
it may be attached to the saddle-hook or horn. The 
hair should (if the cycler be an elderly lady) be 
firmly coiled on the top of the head and thoroughly 
secured with hairpins or comb. If the rider is a 
young lady it may be worn in a loose braid. 

The selection of the hat may depend entirely upon 
the choice of the wearer. The Tam O'Shanter is 
very popular, as also is the felt walking hat with a 
narrow rim which tends partially to protect the eyes 
from the glare of the sun. 

Of course, a gentleman who accompanies ladies is 

EVER ON THE ALERT 
to assist his companion in every possible way; he 
should be capable of repairing any slight damage to 



CYCLING. 



347 



her machine which may occur en route and at all 
times provided with the proper tools for so doing. 
He will, of course, assist her in mounting and dis- 
mounting, and should she be so unfortunate as to take 
a header, he will soon be at her side to assist her to 
rise, making himself generally useful and incidentally 
agreeable. His place on the road is at her left, that 
he may the more carefully guard her when meeting 
other cyclers, teams, etc., he risking all danger from 
collisions. 

IN MOUNTING, 

the gentleman accompanying the lady holds her 
wheel; she stands at the left, places her right foot 
across the frame to the right pedal, which at the same 
time must be raised; pushing this pedal causes the ma- 
chine to start, and then with the left foot in place 
she starts ahead very slowly, in order to give her 
companion time to mount his wheel and join 
her. When their destination is reached the gentle- 
man dismounts first and appears at his companion's 
side to assist her, and if she be a true American 
woman she will, assist herself as much as possible. 

To dismount in the most graceful form one should 
gradually slacken speed, and when the left pedal is 
on the rise throw the weight of the body upon it, 
cross the right foot over the frame of the machine, 
and with an assisting hand step with a light spring 
to the ground, 



348 



CYCLING. 



In meeting a party of cyclists who are acquaint- 
ances and desire to stop for a little conversation the 
gentlemen of the party dismount and sustain the 
ladies' wheels, the latter retaining their positions in 
the saddle. 

Above all else a lady should at all times maintain 
an upright position, and on this account should 
be provided with a machine on which the handles 
turn upward rather than downward. The stoop- 
ing posture assumed by so many ladies on the 
wheel is not only coarse and decidedly ugly, but ex- 
ceedingly harmful, and will, in a very short time, tend 
to curvature of the spine, compression of the lungs and 
their consequent diseases. M-any riders claim that one 
rides much more easily, when facing the wind, to bend 
forward, and thus break its force, but it were far better 
to ride a shorter distance than to risk the ills of which 
we have spoken. Indeed, no woman should ever 
ride after a feeling of weariness is experienced ; the 
strain on the nerves and muscles is great and should 
never be protracted after Nature gives the warning. 

The limit of speed is only a little less important 
than the limit of distance, which is designated by the 
feeling of weariness. No man can ride at full speed 
for long distances and still retain health and perfect 
vigor, and it is certain, therefore, that no woman can 
maintain, a high rate of speed for one mile without 
laying the foundation for future suffering. There is 
no relaxation of the tension of either muscles or 



CYCLING. 



349 



nerves between the revolutions of the pedals. Many 
Indies complain, after riding for a time, of a stinging 
sensation in the limbs and feet. This is caused by 
the undue action of the heart forcing the blood into 
the arteries more rapidly than the veins can return 
it, and incipient paralysis or apoplexy may result. 

TANDEM WHEELS 

arc now and then seen upon the road, but. will never 
be popular for the reason that those who enjoy each 
jther's society sufficiently to desire to ride together 
much prefer to be side by side where they can enjoy 
that which is often the better part of conversation — 
the play of the features; and until some inventive 
genius produces a double wheel which provides side 
by side sittings the ordinary single bicycle will con- 
tinue in favor. Some gallants provide themselves 
with tow-lines or chains, which they attach to their 
fair companion's wheel, and are thereby enabled 
greatly to assist her in rising long or steep hills. Many 
ladies, too, experience a greater sense of security 
when aware that they are not left entirely dependent 
upon their own efforts to maintain an upright position. 

Properly used, the bicycle is certainly a promoter 
of health, developing, as it does, muscles which are 
otherwise seldom brought into play. It secures for 
women that highly desirable condition of flesh, a firm, 
solid tissue, when muscles are flexed and a velvety 
softness with muscular relaxation. 



350 



CYCLING. 



The following rules may prove of some value to 
cyclers : 

Don't try to raise your hat to ladies either on foot 
or a-wheel until you have perfect control of your 
machine. 

Don't leave home for an hour's ride without an 
extra coat or wrap to be worn while resting, or in 
case of a sudden change in the weather or an un- 
looked-for shower. 

Don't laugh at the appearance of other cyclers, 
but remember you are a " dweller in a glass house." 



